Stuck@7

"...you got me feelin' high and I can't step off the cloud..."

2011-12-22T15:47:00.001+11:00

I have to tell you that I am quite excited. I am on the precipice of a 5 week journey. I will be going home to Florida and then off to Colombia and Peru to explore a bit of South America. To cap off this year with this adventure is welcomed and I am most grateful to my work for allowing me the time to do it. I have to say, the US is great but where we lack is when it comes to the importance of personal time and vacations. For us, 5 weeks would never even be possible unless you quit and that is unfathomable to most of us. We are depressed, angry and disgruntled and maybe a little introspection and time away from the hum-drum of life could do us all good. One day, my wish is for the US to take this approach. Australia even has national marketing campaigns called “No Leave, No Life” that encourages people to leave the office and book a trip somewhere.

So, upon meeting my little baby nephew, I am probably going to be overjoyed and then Christmas is right around the corner, so it’s going to be big! After a couple weeks at home, I am going to explore the Amazon and the Andes. It’s so weird that I get to do this. I mean, I have always wanted to see these things and this is real life. The ticket is booked and I will soon be on my way!

Growing up, I would daydream of these places and create ideas of going there but once it settles into reality, it’s quite hard to comprehend until you are there. I am a bit nervous but mainly because of the Spanish language but I have studied Spanish forever and I can support myself well but for some reason, to be completely engulfed into another language can seem quite daunting but here we go, kids! It’s now or never!

So, I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy Hannukah! See you all in Floridaaaa!

"...sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on..."

2011-12-06T22:33:00.003+11:00

It's one of those boring nights. The incessant rain of this so-called Sydney Summer pours out past my balcony and I sit here with nothing to do and nowhere to go. Sometimes, we all need these quiet nights. The nights in which the world has seemingly isolated you but I've had too many of those throughout my life. I can come off as extroverted but that is more of a "fake it to make it" strategy. I am fine when I need to be social but just below the surface is this insane introvert, who really oddly enjoys the solace of his own world.

I sit here in my bed staring at my little Christmas tree and I am pondering December 23rd when I will finally go home and see my little nephew, Jayden. I can't wait. Sometimes, I wonder if he is going to like me and then, I realize that he is only human. I will take approximately 1,000 photos of him to which everyone will be subjected on Facebook. I will record videos of him making baby noises on my phone and share them with people that have no interest but dang it, I have paid my dues. I've ogled many baby photos and now, it is my time! So, if you read this...get ready to plaster on the fake smile and share my joy!

So now, hopefully soon, I will drift off into a slumber and count down the 16 days left until I hop across the world to meet my family for Christmas! It can't come soon enough!

"...oh, if only, if only you knew, everything I do is for you..."

2011-11-13T22:52:00.003+11:00

November is alive and well in Australia and things are heating up. It is still hard to get used to the concept that November is hot and that Summer is approaching but it is more than welcomed after the chilly Winter that has just passed. In about 6 weeks time, I will be heading home to meet my baby nephew who consumes many of my thoughts these days. I can't wait to be home and to hold him and hug him. It's amazing that you can feel so much love for someone that you've never met. It's sounds weird, I guess but there is this inherent pull within me towards him. From the moment that he entered the world, I felt a swell in my heart. I look at his photos and I melt. It's weird. I have never been like that before but it is a welcomed change.

It makes me wonder though about people who are seemingly hard to the ways of the world or those who are emotionless. Have they just yet to have an experience to make them feel? Or, was something so devastating in their past that it ripped away the sense of simple joys? It's interesting but I want to hold on to the happiness that little Jayden has brought for as long as possible.

So, the big news in my life now is that I sit and wait. I wait to go meet my little Jayden, have a fun Christmas at home and then make an extraordinary trek to South America! I have put the final touches on everything and flights are booked, hotels reserved and tours planned! I will get to see Colombia and Peru and with a little bit of luck, I can have a quick day trip over to Brazil while in the Amazon. As much as I get frustrated and can be a smidge disgruntled, life is all good!

"...and sometimes you close your eyes and see the place where you used to live, when you were young..."

2011-10-07T00:05:00.003+11:00

30? I am 30! I am 30 years old? How did this happen? It doesn't make any sense! 30 used to be so old! Am I old? This isn't fair! What happened to my young and beautiful youth? Oh wait! I never had it. At least not the beautiful part. Anyways, yeah…it’s my birthday and I must say that in general, I like to be disgruntled and solemn; however, this year, I am opting for a different path.

My life has had little twists and turns that took me to places that I never expected. I have gotten to see and do so much in such a short time on this planet that for once, I feel at peace with October 7th. It’s easy to wake up and dread the day but at the end of it all, I know that there are people that care about me and people that I have impacted in their lives and vice versa and I am grateful for that.

This past year has been such a journey in so many ways. I feel calmer and more relaxed, all while remaining stressed and neurotic. I worry until my brain hurts but at the end of it all, none of it matters and I am trying to slowly teach myself that. It’s hard and I am not a perfect student but I am trying. The biggest lesson that I have learned yet continuously fail at perfecting, is the relinquishing of control. I can’t control situations, I can’t control people, I can’t do it all…I simply need to let go and let life happen sometimes. My whole life, I have been the one to look out for everyone, to make sure everyone was ok and happy and for so long, I neglected myself in that respect but those days are gone to an extent. I have made several choices that have lead me down a path that has allowed me to find happiness through seeing the world and meeting new people. As the boy in Pensacola once dreamed, the man (awkward calling myself a man, it seems so old) is now seeing and doing.

So, as with tradition, I have purchased myself a trip for my birthday but it is delayed a bit and I will be exploring Colombia and Peru in January when I go home for Christmas. From the Amazon to Machu Picchu that is my 30th adventure. I am looking forward to it immensely and I can’t wait to see what South America has in store. I will be taking 5 weeks to visit home, see my new, baby nephew and explore a new continent. So, it’s a new journey, a new beginning and time to embrace life in a new way.

"...I'm gonna run right to, to the edge with you..."

2011-09-18T23:24:00.004+10:00

Australian Winters are nothing compared to most places but cold is cold and after the chilled air exits and the strong, Aussie sun enters, you feel inspired. It's like a general thaw over your somewhat frozen ways and it is time to start anew. This weekend was that inspiration. From start to finish, the weather was amazing.

In the past, whenever people would go on and on about how great the weather was, I wanted to punch them in the clavicle but now, I sort of get it. It's nice to feel the sun and see the world glowing with blue skies and a big, yellow sun.

I just punched myself in the clavicle for writing that.

Not that I haven't noticed or realized this before but my life here in Australia is really good. Granted, I am far away from the people that I love but coming here has afforded me so many opportunities and experiences that I am eternally grateful. Over the past, few days all of that has rushed through me as, for some reason, I see the world in a different light. I don't like all this positivity! Someone stop me!

Maybe, I am reflecting more because I have a big birthday coming up. Reflecting on where I have been, where I am and where I am going. All these ponderings have made me have three naps today and I am looking forward to the next.

"...there's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark..."

2011-09-04T21:54:00.004+10:00

For my entire life, I have hated Sundays. I hate them from the start, I hate them in the middle, I hate them at the end. I don't know why. It's the opposite of a "day of rest" for me. They are stressful, anxious and fly by at an unnecessary pace.

So, basically a weekend is Saturday. You work on Friday and then you are free on Friday night but it whizzes by and then comes Saturday. You rest, you hang out, you cry in the shower - whatever you want and then Sunday comes. The whole day you think about what you have to do during the week and how far away Friday seems. Sunday is a joke. I am pissed off at Sunday right now and I need the world to know it!

Nothing is exciting on Sunday. That's why the Lord rested. He was bored. Nothing good comes on tv. Radio stations play repeats of past shows. Food taste worse (speculation only). It's just ridiculous and someone should stop it.

Am I alone? I know there have to be others who can't stand Sundays? Right? It's like the friend that does absolutely nothing to bother you and because of that they are that much more annoying and you want to punch them - that's what Sunday is to me.

"...we got a whole lot of money but we still pay rent, 'cause you can't buy a house in heaven..."

2011-09-04T18:06:00.001+10:00

I've always been fascinated with big city living. There is something about seeing a building full of homes and knowing that each one has a story. Each, little window represents someone's life and that intrigues me. Now, finally, I am in one of those buildings with my own window facing out.

After living with a family in the suburbs, some crazies near the beach, a studio in a seemingly nice area but with a controlling landlord, I have landed in the heart of the city of Sydney!

My new building is nice but it represents a lot to me. I have worked really hard my whole life to try and do things that I never thought possible and being in a situation like this is pretty good. I am not rich, extra smart or even some sort of special, I am lucky and due to that, I am grateful.

So, as I type this from my bed, I look out and see a microcosm of the world just waiting for me to stare out and analyze.

P.S. - I got a fold out sofa bed- you can sleep here if you want! All invited!

"...I'm gonna be the mane event, like no King was before..."

2011-08-21T21:20:00.005+10:00

After what felt like the gestation period of an elephant, on August 20, 2011, I finally got the call that my baby nephew had entered the world. I have been waiting for months (9 or so) for little Jayden to arrive but the past few weeks have driven me mad! Everyday, I waited for the call. So, on Saturday morning (Aussie time) when I learned that he was getting himself deported from his Mother's womb, I went into crazy mode. I was so anxious that I couldn't focus and it wasn't until around 9pm that night that I called and got word that he kicked his placenta to the curb and entered the world.

I have to be honest, I am not a big cryer but for some reason when my Mom told me that he was born, I couldn't control it. I was standing on a random street corner, next to a McDonald's (I'd like to say that that was a joke but it is the truth) and I was having to wipe my eyes. I kept telling myself that I wasn't crying and that it was just raining on my face but there wasn't a cloud in the sky!

I guess baby Jayden's birth is a bit more emotional for me because his Dad is my baby brother, Andrew. When Andrew was born, I took him on wholeheartedly as if he were my own. I bathed him, changed his diaper, made dumb noises to make him laugh and eat his food and most importantly, sang "Lion King" music to him in the car so he'd quit crying. So, in some weird sense, it is like my baby had a baby.

I won't get to meet little Jayden until December but I have already purchased him a kangaroo outfit complete with a hat that has ears and a shirt that includes a pouch. Yes, a pouch. He can hide pacifiers, toys or dead hookers in there! I don't care but it is a cool outfit. He may hate me when he is 20 and sees photos of it but I will deal with that by giving him money or beer to forgive me when the time comes.

I wish for little Jayden a life full of happy memories, good people and love. He enters the world a fresh being that isn't jaded or corrupted and I hope that he can stay that way as long as possible. Unfortunately though, he is a McCombs' which means he already possesses the stubborn gene and the propensity for delusion. Either way, welcome to the world Baby J. Love you.

"...regrets and mistakes, they're memories made, who would have known how bittersweet this would taste..."

2011-07-31T22:51:00.003+10:00

Have you ever just woken up and realized that most people on this planet annoy you? I think that I am a nice guy but I also think that most people are idiots. I try and try to break this thought process but it has been engrained in me since childhood. Neither of my parents have much ability to suffer fools and I have, quite rightly, inherited that trait from both of them.

Throughout my life, I have always had friends but very few people that I would consider close to me and I realize that that is because I cannot deal with the crazy that people bring with them. I know, I know...I sound like a jerk but in this moment, I am one. I am addicted to Facebook just as much as the next person but I am overwhelmed with what some people put on there in order to make themselves seem better than the people around them! Get over yourself! You aren't that special, none of us are.

In our Western mentality, we grow up thinking we are princes and princesses who are somehow entitled to a life that we didn't do anything to have. The third world belongs to those people "over there" who aren't civilized and we are high and mighty. Uhhhh, NO! We are lucky based on geography and should be thankful everyday!

I have no reason to post this blog beyond that fact that I am ranting and hey, that is good enough for me. I just am annoyed with the world lately and wanted to share it. Now, with that said, I will read this blog in 2 days and be annoyed with myself. Ahhhh, self loathing is cyclical too!

"...well, sometimes I go out, by myself, and I look across the water..."

2011-07-24T18:51:00.010+10:00

Sometimes in life, you need a little adventure. A little kick to the system to make you realize that all of the hard work, effort and complaining can finally be put to the side and you get to have an experience that makes it all worthwhile. Recently, I did just that by treating myself to a trip to Indonesia and Singapore and I realized again how lucky I am to be able to have these adventures.

As I arrived to Bali, the heat was intense. In the airport at Customs, there are signs everywhere that say, “Bringing Drugs to Indonesia results in PRISON and DEATH!” Now, I tend to suffer with the low self esteem but I am sure that I am too pretty for prison. Could you imagine? Me, sleeping on a concrete floor in the middle of Asia? So, needless to say, I didn’t even pack floss because I thought it would be mistaken for string-cocaine. I a’int playing!

So, in Bali, I had one of my greater adventures that didn’t include embarrassing myself. I had the opportunity to climb a volcano during the middle of the night to watch the sun rise from the top. It was truly one of the most difficult things that I have ever done but with a little self-delusion and peer pressure, I made it. The view was amazing. The clouds were below us and you could see more islands in the distance. It’s a moment in which you realize what life is all about; the simple pleasures like seeing the sun rise. Now, after those 5 seconds ended, I realized that I had to trek down that volcano and I became bitter and twisted again. Such is life.

On the way back from the volcano, we stopped in an area called Ubud and went to a monkey temple. There were hundreds of wild, rabies-infested monkeys all over and it was great. They pounced on me and sure, I may now be rapid but as long as I got a good picture than I am ok. One thing that I did learn there is that monkeys have a lot of sex. Not a little but a lot. I saw more fornicating monkeys in one day than I have in my entire life (Side Note: I have only ever spent one day looking at fornicating monkeys). Hear no evil, speak no evil, see lots of monkey humping.

Per usual, I had an awkward experience when I went to get a massage. It is so cheap there, $15 dollars for a full body massage for an hour and a half. What I didn't realize is that in Asia, you have to leave your sense of dignity behind. The woman made me put on a speedo-like pair of underwear that was see-through. I was mortified and covered myself with a towel and then she comes in the room and OH NO, I am not allowed to keep the towel on. So, there in the middle of Bali was me and my free willy humiliated. She kept saying, "OH GOD YOU SO BIG!" but maybe I imagined that part. Just as an FYI, I am sure it is not a good sign when someone sees you naked and then giggles like a challenged school girl. I was not amused but alas, I walked out of there with my see-through speedos on and my head held high.

Now, after Bali, the journey continued on to Singapore. I have to be honest that Singapore was never in my sights but I did thoroughly enjoy it. There weren’t any fornicating monkeys but hey, you can’t win them all, right? Singapore can be summed up as “sterile.” It’s clean, pristine and it feels like it is in the middle of one big, hot bubble. The humidity is ridiculous. I was sweating more than Amy Winehouse at a Customs line in Bali (Update: RIP Amy).

So, there you have it. My little adventure. As always, I am amazed with the experiences that I get to have because for a normal boy from Pensacola, Florida this a’int so normal! This journey is done but there are more in the planning phase. Where will I go next? Definitely somewhere where there is less monkey fornication or more, depends on my mood.

(Singapore in the background.)

(Mama Monkey and her baby.)

(A monkey trying to get my banana. Awkward.)

(On top of Mount Batur, after climbing for 3 hours in the dark.)

(Sentosa Island, Singapore with the famous Merlion behind me.)

"...if we were our rejections, if we were our outcomes, I'd be joining you..."

2011-07-10T10:35:00.005+10:00

You know, Facebook is magic. You can re-connect with old friends, make new ones or just stalk the hell out of people for no apparent reason. It is the ultimate past time. However, it can also create a sense of nostalgia that doesn't always resonate in a positive way.

I was recently Facebook stalking an unnamed relative and when I saw pictures of him/her, it was as if I never knew this person. He/She is such a distant part of my life that I had no connection to the images. It was as if I were looking at photos of a complete stranger. It made me feel weird. There's no bad blood, no event that changed emotions towards one another, there is just nothing. The connection existed in a time gone by.

How does this happen? I mean, it is life, I guess. A cyclical process in which people come and go. Some people stay around for a month, some a year and some forever but with family that seems odd. If I am being honest and I mean no disrespect to anyone, the term family should never just apply to people that share a bloodline. I know that this may sound cruel but I have had virtual strangers care about me more than people that I share genetic code with and it makes me sad sometimes but what can I do?

I just think that within all families, the effort to keep connected has been lost with the false sense of a hectic lifestyle. We are all too busy doing mindless things to care about each other anymore. I am not saying that I am innocent, I'm on the other side of the world, so I am culpable too.

Oh well. There is the ponder of the day. Now, with all of that out of the system, I will soon be riding a real elephant on the mean streets of Bali. Maybe not on the streets and let's hope that they aren't mean but nonetheless, an elephant ride is in my future. This Saturday, my Indonesian/Singaporean adventure takes flight. Because I lack emotion until an event actually arrives, I am not excited but by next Friday night, I will be bursting at the seams. Let's do this!

"...thank God I found the good in goodbye..."

2011-07-04T21:20:00.005+10:00

Recently, I hit the 2 1/2 year mark of living in Australia. It seems surreal still and I know that I mention it often but I just can't believe it. It's funny...the other day, I was walking down the street and I smelled something and it was just the smell of the city but it reminded me of my first week here when I would walk around. Everything smelled so new and exciting. It was a breath of fresh air. A new chance at a new life. I am the same me but in a very different place, geographically and emotionally. My life has gone from a dream to a reality.

Lately, I have been enjoying random adventures around the city because too many times in life, I have let things pass me by and I am over that. So, over the past couple of weeks I have re-explored Taronga Zoo and this past weekend, I went to a koala sanctuary. The zoo is one of the most amazing just based on scenery. It could never been accurately described in words. The koala sanctuary can be described as...failure. It was shabby and a bit tattered. However, the key adventure there was that I saw a Mama Kangaroo with her joey in her pouch with his head sticking out. Also, my finger was almost mutilated by a bird.

I was standing next to her cage and she jumped up and perched her head out to be petted. I did so and she held her claw out to grab my finger. She did so gently and I obliged and then BAM! That bird brain clamped down on my finger and then violated me with her mouth. It was a betrayal of trust and innocence and I will forever remember her face. I may have said a few cuss words in front of some children and blood may have gushed from my finger but it made for a great memory.

Within the next two weeks, I will take my first trip to Asia. I am going to Indonesia (Bali) and Singapore. I am excited but a little bit nervous. Bali has had some terrorist attacks in the past and I am not really down with shrapnel, so I am going to wear a bullet proof vest and prayer card. However, I think it is going to be amazing and I hope to explore some temples and see monkeys with rabies. For Singapore, I just want to see what it has to offer and eat some good food. I am looking forward to being a little removed with no phone or internet. I need a break from communication and I want to find a beach and an elephant and ride it.

(Me in my penguin costume.)

(You will never find a better view than from Sydney Harbour.)

"...or am I a fool, who sits alone talking to the moon..."

2011-06-17T22:29:00.007+10:00

This past weekend, I made my way to the tip-top of Australia and visited the city of Darwin. It is an Outback city with diverse culture and tons of things to see and do!

On my first night, I went to a restaurant in which you choose the meats you want to sample and they toss it in a wok and voila, you have a stir friend frenzy in front of you. I sampled almost all of the meat, including: emu, crocodile, deer, kangaroo, camel and even horse. Yes, horse. I felt a little sick. The croc had real bite to it, the kangaroo hopped around my mouth and the horse had a kick! Ok, I'm lame, I know.

Anyways, the next day, I visited Australia's largest national park: Kakadu. It was quite the trek via tour bus and I kept falling in and out of a coma but it was beautiful. I took a tour on the Yellow Water billabong and saw tons of crocs in the water below. I also climb atop Ubirru Rock and got 360 views of the Outback! It was amazing.

The following day, I trekked over to Litchfield National Park and went on a Jumping Croc Tour. A woman holds a giant pole of meat (that sounds awkward) over the croc infested river and the crocs jump up for their food. It was awesome. Later in the day, I made my way into the pool of a waterfall and it was ice cold but well worth it.

Darwin was an amazing adventure and in a month's time, I will fly through Darwin again on my way to Bali and then to Singapore! I am excited. It will be my first jaunt into the Asian continent!!

(Sunset over Darwin!)

(Jumping Croc in the Adelaide River.)

(I had the option to eat horse and I tried it and I regret it. It galloped down my throat!)

(Jumping Croc Statue!)

"...leave a light on for me..."

2011-05-15T23:55:00.002+10:00

In life, we all go through transitional phases. Times in which we move on or move forward or just change for some reason. I don't know what I am going through but I am over it. I just feel anxiety all the time. It is like a constant tremor under the surface of my fragile skin. Slowly quaking and waiting for an outburst.

I feel it and try to control it and try to maintain my thoughts but for some reason, I can't focus. I can't keep my mind and body connected. It's weird because this is nothing new for me but it has been dormant for quite a while and it has come back to humble me yet again.

It's bad because I do not want to harp on the subject like there is something seriously wrong but I need to write it out because it makes me feel better. It makes the crazy dissipate for a moment and a cloud of serenity shines through momentarily. There is nothing wrong. I can not pinpoint a problem or issue except for the fact that my mind is racing. I wake up panicked and it isn't just weekdays, it is every day. I wake up with a shudder. A thump of emotion that can throw the whole day off-course.

Idle time has always been my downfall. I need to be mentally stimulated all the time or else, I sort of lose who I am. I lose a sense of purpose and when that goes. I don't know what to do. I feel overwhelmed and underwhelmed all at the same time. I need a spark. I need a fire in my belly to make me feel as if I am doing more or being more. Some people can sit and watch tv and be completely ok but for me, I just feel as if I am not doing enough.

But, the issue with that is...will there ever be enough? What propels me to "happy?" What is "happy" for me? I don't know. Don't get me wrong...I am not sad. I am just trapped within my own skin at the moment and trying to work through it. I need a break from me.

Please don't think that I am complaining or that somehow my life is not fair. That isn't it. I am just in a rough patch and more so, a rough patch in which there is no explanation. It will get better and I will be fine but in the mean time, I feel stuck.

"...I've been confused, out of my mind lately..."

2011-05-01T22:12:00.006+10:00

I have completely lost my mind lately. I have reverted back to my old ways of crazy and I don't know why. For those who suffer from anxiety, you know how it can creep up at any time. The anxious past that you think you have moved on from resurfaces and overwhelms you in a new way. That is where I live today.

I try to breathe deeply, I try to close my eyes and calm myself but nothing is working. I will be ok, I know that much but it is the "in-between" time that is killer. ARGH! Many people may think that someone should post about it or whatever but I don't care. I know enough people to know that I am not in the minority when it comes to panic attacks. It is such a debilitating feeling. If you have never had one than you will never know and I would never wish it on my worst enemy.

Anyways, moving on from the mental breakdown. Let's talk about my most recent trip! So, over the long Easter weekend, I made my way down to Melbourne and set out to drive the Great Ocean Road all the way to Adelaide in South Australia.

It was a good time full of awkward car conversation, random accommodations and awesome scenery. From Melbourne, where I realized that I have a horrible fear of roundabouts, we drove to Port Campbell and stayed in a lovely little place in which we only had three walls to the room. Long story - don't ask! Then, we went to see the "12 Apostles" and drove all the way to Mount Gambier, South Australia. Soon after passing the border, we saw a mob of kangaroos running around and tried to get a picture but no luck! Our trip ended with me speeding like a demon through Adelaide striving to get to the airport on time! Made it with about 25 minutes to spare.

All in all, it was a great, little road trip and I wish it could have lasted longer. Australia has such unique terrain and beautiful places to see that I cannot wait for my next, random adventure in June!

(Port Campbell, Victoria, Australia)

(At the Loch Arg Gorge on the Great Ocean Road)

(Blue Lake, Mount Gambier, South Australia)

"...oh well, I don't mind if you don't mind and I don't shine if you don't shine..."

2011-04-11T20:10:00.006+10:00

The cool, crispness of the air has taken over the Sydney night and with Winter lurking around the corner, the streets get darker earlier and earlier. As the Northern Hemisphere plummets into Summer, down here...we are barreling into Winter. It is always odd to me to think of July as Winter, it seems unnatural. It isn't a part of the Lord's plan but alas, here we go.

You know, sometimes I wonder if I am neurotic by birth or by upbringing. Is it nature versus nurture? Some people seemingly go through life without a thought in their head, ever. However, I will analyze something until my face turns blue. I will think and think and think and then think about why I am thinking so much. I have always been paranoid. This is no lie that even as a child, I had a kidnap awareness plan. If someone were to kidnap me, I had watched enough episodes of "Rescue 911" and "Unsolved Mysteries" to figure out how to get myself out of a situation. I also made plans on how I would make my captors disarmed by charming them with a few "knock knock" jokes and then as they held their stomachs in laughter, I would run for the door and make a speedy escape. Of course, my story would be featured on the local news and then later on Oprah as my book was released in conjunction with the Lifetime movie based on my Mother's desire to get me home. "My Baby Done Went Missing" would be the title. My Mom would be played by Heather Locklear and me, as the precocious kidnapped child, would have been one of Macaulay Culkin's younger siblings. Macaulay would have been too costly for a Lifetime movie.

The thing is, I can't control it. I am neurotic. So, I guess that I need to own it. I need to let Jesus take the wheel and keep the crazy at bay. Somehow, my neurosis are a part of my charm and my charm is a manifestation of delusion. I think people either think that I am pathetic or amusing, or amusingly pathetic. But, I am ok with that.

"...'cause it's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do..."

2011-03-30T22:28:00.009+11:00

As the rain trickles outside of my window and I can hear the sweet bellows of a cat in heat, I have decided to write a blog. This week at work, we switched offices and I moved from out in the boonies to a city office. The first day was a bit tough for me. While I consider myself to be adaptable, I am a creature of habit and for the past nearly two years, I was in the same office. Now, I have moved to the city and I am adapting. It is a beautiful location with harbour views from basically any seat in the house. So, I can't complain (even though, I normally do complain about something.)

The Autumn season is kicking off "down under" and you can feel the crispness in the air. It's my favorite time of year and I know that within the next, few weeks I will begin to complain about being too cold because it is sort of my thing that I like to do. On a random note, as opposed to all of my other notes that are completely coherent and sensible, I want to point out that I have dubbed myself as one of the clumsiest people that I know. I trip, slip or run into stuff far too often. I think that I have a nervous personality or either I pay little attention to anything that I am doing. I was worrying about it recently and then I realized that I have always done it. Awkwardness finds me wherever I go. I'd like to say that I don't want it in my life but being awkward makes the time go by just a bit quicker.

On the 4th of April, my baby brother turns 17. I remember when he used to sit in his carseat and laugh when I would sing "Lion King" songs to him. Then, he went through a phase when I wasn't cool and now, I think he is coming around a bit. He's my boy. I remember the moment that we knew he was going to enter this world. I wrote him a note that said something like, "For all I know, you could be the devil but I love you anyways." Sometimes, I think I am psychic.

"...I just want to set you on fire, so I won't have to burn alone..."

2011-03-15T21:52:00.004+11:00

I recently found out that I am going to be an uncle. This news didn't surprise me and it didn't, originally, make me happy. I wasn't sad or mad or anything like that, I just felt like the timing was off. But, who am I to determine what is the "right time" for anyone to do anything in life?

This week, I got a call during the middle of the night from my Mom and when I woke up, I checked my voicemail and she said, "It's going to be a boy!" and I have to admit, there was an instant bolt of joy to the heart. Not because it is a little boy but just because it made it feel real. He's here, he's coming. There is a little life brewing that has all the potential in the world and I want to be a part of shaping it.

Everyone enters this world with a set of circumstances but we don't have to be defined by those forever. We can forge our own way, design a path that we never could have seen ourselves walking down. So, even though he has quite a bit of time before he arrives, I am already eagerly anticipating the arrival of little Gabriel Michael.

"...and in this crazy life and through these crazy times..."

2011-03-02T21:13:00.005+11:00

The beauty and the panic of life is that it is random. We truly never know what is around the next corner for us and no matter what we plan, life will always take the reins and lead us where we are ultimately meant to be. I experienced that in a couple of ways recently and the photo below featuring the lovely, little Chantal is proof. Two weeks ago, I was randomly walking down the street with the two ladies featured in the photo below and we were discussing people of shorter stature and out of nowhere, like an angel from heaven, little Chantal sauntered up and asked me for directions. Irony, thy name is Chantal. Anyways, she was going to the same place that we were, so we all got on the bus and had a chat with her. She was carrying a huge bag, so when the time came to exit the bus, I carried it for her and we got her to her spot and dropped her off. We said our "goodbyes" and were grateful for the short (no pun intended) time that we had with Chantal.

Fast forward through two non-descript, uneventful weeks and lo and behold, I end up in a club. There I am re-enacting my favorite boy band dance moves through a series of pelvic gyrations and hand claps and out of the mist of the cigarette infused air walks Chantal. Like a lightning bolt to the heart, I stood frozen in a state of pure zeal and extreme confusion. How could God bless me twice in one life with Chantal? She waltzed up and looked me in the knee, errr eye and said, "OH MY GOD! It's you!" Yes, Chantal, it's me and here we are together again.

In those moments of randomness, life remains amusing. I suppose that that leads me to my next point. Someone recently told me that my blog themes tend to be inconsistent with how I present myself in public. My blog is much more solemn and deep and I tend to be light-hearted and stable in person. For me, I am all of those things at different times of every day. We all are. We are all fragments of a series of emotions. I am never false. What I feel is here written for you in the moment that it is felt. I don't conjure up a sentiment to connect with someone if I don't feel it. I run the gamut of highs and lows. I am bi-polar without the medicine or Charlie Sheen's paycheck. I didn't take offense to what the person said but I thought it was a unique observation. If we sit back and think about all of our thoughts in any given day, I am sure that we all go on a mental roller coaster or maybe I remain delusional.

(Chantal - You will always be my boo!)

(Leila Khaidooooooo back in SYD!)

"...yeah, I think that I might break, I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe..."

2011-02-21T22:03:00.004+11:00

Have you ever just been sitting around and longed for that feeling of security? The moment in which your world and the crazy in it stops and you just feel safe. The people, the places, the situations all make sense and for once your heart and head rest worry free because life makes sense. Is this something that people find? Is this something that I'll find?

I've never considered myself to be one of those "jumping for joy" people in which I always see the bright side because I don't but lately, I have become a ball of negativity. I feel a range of emotions that I normally don't and it is making me insane. However, at the same time, maybe it is making me a better person. For so long, I feel like I just existed. People noticed me but no one cared to know me or more so, I didn't care to let people know me. I sacrificed so much of my being to make others happy or to do "the right thing" and ultimately, I lost myself. I find myself pulling away a bit lately and my thoughts remain unfocused because I just feel transitional. Life is a constant journey and sometimes we shed the skin of the past and maybe that is where I am at the moment.

I'm not playing up some sort of depression or melancholy because that isn't it. I'm not sad. I'm just pondering life yet again. When I stop pondering is when I will know that something is wrong with me. In those moments of bliss and happiness, we don't often grow because that moment is so great that we relish it and want to hold onto it forever but when we are low or when life has pushed us to a depth that we didn't know we could go to, we search for a way back out and we grow and become better at adapting to the world around us. Those tough times define us. Those tough times lead us back into the world with a stronger suit of armor.

I'm ready to wake up in a good mood. And I can honestly say, I've been waiting all my life for that.

"...never made agreements, just like a gypsy and I won't back down 'cause life's already bit me..."

2011-02-14T20:06:00.001+11:00

I have to be honest, this past month has been amazing and difficult all at once. I have had some amazing adventures: Enjoying Australia Day on a boat in the harbour for hours on end, visiting the Featherdale Wildlife Park and seeing all of the native, Australian animals up close and just enjoying some simple nights out. However, it has also been tough. I have been sick, tired, anxious and every combo of crazy that one can imagine. I am on the mend but I have been out of it.

The good news is that my journey of crazy creativity will continue as I signed up for my stand up comedy class and that begins in two weeks. I am not freaked out yet but I will be. People can think what they want but for my entire life, I have always liked telling stories and making people laugh and most times, I get a positive response. It is always awkward when I accidentally mention a midget or call someone's Mother a whore but for the most part, I don't mean it.

Apparently, the final performance is taped and I can post it online. If it is good, you will see it. If it is bad, well...you will see it. I have no shame. I am sure that on some level my family should be nervous because I draw most of my influence from them, so we will see if I am shunned.

(Australia Day boat dancing - I look demonic.)

(Featherdale Wildlife Park - I didn't know they were making faces behind me.)

(A koala loves me.)

(Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi Oi Oi! January 26th rolled around and along with it came Australia Day!)

"...gonna take her for a ride on a big jet plane, hey hey..."

2011-01-06T18:19:00.001+11:00

I could feel the mugginess of the weather outside from inside the 15 hours worth of circulated airplane air. I was nervous, scared, excited and in a bit of disbelief as I started to disembark from the plane. I had made a choice like no other and I was determined to follow it through one way or another. If you had told me in that moment that I would still be in Sydney two years later, I would have never believed you.

January 8th marks two years from the moment that I arrived here to fulfill a goal and see what life had in store for me. It's been a perilous journey. One full of experiences that will never be duplicated and memories that will live within me for years to come. I've been exposed to a way of life that I had only ever dreamed of and I have seen places that people from where I come from never get to see.

Every time that I exit a plane and a new city or adventure awaits me, I relish the moment. I take it in and value it in a way that I can't describe. I used to lay in bed at night and think about how different life would be when I was able to have these adventures and here I am, living them. I have made a personal vow to never go back to how I was before. Life is meant to be lived and not just some hum-drum process to get through and I have to stay diligent with myself when it comes to that.

The picture above was taken of me when I lived in Atlanta and it always bothers me when I look at it because I remember that night as being such a depressing night for me. I don't remember why I was depressed but I knew that I needed a change and that I needed to shake my world up a bit and Australia has given me that. No matter where I go or what I do in life, I will be eternally grateful for the savior that came to me in the form of a country. I always used to think, "life will be better when I go to Australia" and, it is.

"...and when we reach a good place, let's be sure to leave no trace, promise they won't track us down..."

2010-12-29T00:36:00.004+11:00

I've decided that the best thing that I can be in life is adaptable. If my time on this planet has taught me anything, it is that life will always win. Life will throw you the most amazing curve balls and the more resistant you are to the changes that happen in life, the harder things will be for you. The perfect situation does not exist. The perfect person or family or friend does not exist. You have to walk in the door, see people for who they are and choose to stay or keep it moving.

I get frustrated by my lack of emotions with things in life. It's not that I don't feel, it is that I have been forced to hold it all in. I am the voice of reason, I am the "go to" guy for advice. So, I just don't feel anything because I represent stability. I am not trying to throw a pity party for myself because it is just how things are but I sometimes wish I were able to feel more. I never run wild with emotions. I never have those extreme highs of excitement. It just doesn't happen for me.

In my life, I want the people around me to know that they can be and that they can do more than what they feel that they are limited to doing. No one stops you but you. I get so frustrated when people make choices to stifle their life and they remain blissfully unaware. I don't judge them but I am not going to coddle them. I'm not going to force anyone to do anything but if you ask my opinion, I am going to speak honestly and openly. Not because I am a jerk but because I want you to know that I care and caring for someone can sometimes hurt their feelings.

With all of that said, guess what?! Yes, I am home for Christmas. Nothing like the stark realization of a 24+ hour plane ride to get me blogging out what I think in a random rant. It has been good being home and the weather has been nice and cold. I got a new camera and now all I need is to book some new vacations.

For 2011, what can I expect? I expect that I will completely skip January 1st because I will be on a plane hopping time zones but beyond that, I know that there will be changes that forever shape the future. With every year, there always are. How will I cope with them? Time will tell. The only thing that I can do is see the reality of a situation and move forward.

"...pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing, you're f*cking perfect to me..."

2010-12-17T22:35:00.003+11:00

The Christmas season is upon us and that means one thing: I am going home! I was not sure if I was going to be able to go this year but I bit the bullet, bought the ticket and BAM! Off to America, I go!

I love Australia but I cannot imagine a completely warm Christmas. I know that I am from Florida but it is, at least, Florida in Winter. It makes a difference. I need the chill to feel like it is Christmas.

Ok, so this week, I did two incredibly awkward things. First up, check out the video below to see me being a trapeze daredevil. I had the chance to take a course in trapeze and it hurt so freaking bad but was amazing. I did not even think about it until I got to the top of the platform and even then, I just had to jump. Sometimes, you can't think about things too much. You just have to do it! I recommend it to anyone.

The next thing that I did was much worse. So, a friend invited me to her place for dinner and her parents are visiting from the UK. So, everyone has dinner, drinks, chatting and playing a board game and her family gets a call that a relative has passed away at home. So, the mood changes and her Mom is a bit upset and leaves the room for a bit.

So, her Mom regains her composure and rejoins the group at the table and makes a reference to me calling my parents in the US. Well, at the time that this happened it was middle of the night US time and I say, very innocently, "Oh no, we can't call them at this hour, they'd think someone died!" AWKWARDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

The following three seconds were the most excruciating seconds of my life. I, literally, covered my face with my hands. I didn't know what to say or do! Finally, because these people are sick and twisted Brits, they began laughing hysterically by my awkwardness. I wanted to crawl into a hole and well, die. It was so bad.

I quickly decided that I should leave and I went to the Mom and apologized profusely and she told me not to worry but I like to panic. Nonetheless, I feel ok about it today because there was zero intent in my comment. Normally, I enjoy a good, calculated awkward moment but not one in which I didn't see it coming.

Now, I am off to Florida for hopefully, more awkward moments. To everyone, Merry Christmas and let's see what 2011 has in store for us all.

(Taking a leap of faith. Or, stupidity.)

"...oh, you creep up like the clouds and you set my soul at ease..."

2010-12-05T22:06:00.007+11:00

Last weekend, I completed my Australian excursions for 2010. My goal for this year was to try and hop around the country and see as many spots as possible and I have now checked Perth off of the list.

If you think that Sydney is far away from the US, well...add on almost 5 more hours of flight time and you will get to Perth. It is the most isolated, capital city in the world. And, when you are there, you can feel the isolation. The people tend to flock to the comfort of air conditioned rooms because the heat is oppressive. It was well over 100 degrees before noon even hit.

The highlight of the trip was being able to see and swim in the Indian Ocean. I never even contemplated in life that I would be able to do this one day. I took a ferry out to Rottnest Island and grabbed my snorkel gear. I headed out to a secluded beach where I was completely by myself except for a huge pelican that was catching fish in the waves and I decided to test the waters.

The water was freezing but I told myself that I had to do it. So, off I went. I dipped into the icy, blue waters and literally just feet off of the shore were tons of fish. It was amazing. My body shivered from the cold water but I was bound and determined to snorkel.

Afterwards, I plopped down on the sand and took a long nap. In the middle of nowhere, just me and the sounds of the Ocean. It was a nice retreat.

My trip to Perth was pretty easy going. If I have learned one thing over the last two years of life, it is that planning things out can be your biggest mistake. Go with an idea of what you want and then just see where life takes you. I have always been so structured and I still am but sometimes, you have to just let it go and see what adventures are in store. With Perth, I did just that and I ended up having an amazing experience.

What's next? Well, in 2 weeks, I am off to "Home Sweet Home" America. I am ready to just lounge around and have people make decisions for me. Basically, I just want people to feed me. But, before I go home, I have a Christmas party for work and I am going to take trapeze classes for a day! Until the next adventure.

(Outside Fremantle prison)

(Being dumb with new Perth friends.)

(On Rottnest Island in the Indian Ocean.)

"...pero que me quedes tu y me quede tu abrazo..."

2010-11-22T21:09:00.002+11:00

The holidays are fast approaching and I am going back to America for Christmas, yeahhhhh! As you can see above, my parents convinced me to get my own little, Aussie tree and here it is. They gave me decorating tips over the phone because they are freak shows when it comes to Christmas. They do not play! And, being genetically attached to them means that I have to be held to the same standards. So, here is my mini-version.

On Thursday, I am going to hop the continent and go all the way over to Perth in Western Australia. For some reason, I am super excited for this trip. In general, I am excited for trips but for this one I get to see the Indian Ocean and I do not know why I am finding that so fascinating. I just never really thought about seeing the Indian Ocean and here I go!

This year has been absolutely amazing in terms of getting to see and do things. I have been to Fiji, Tasmania, The Outback, and soon to be Perth. I really feel so lucky. Again, I hate to sound lame or go off on tangents but this is what I have wanted. I always said that I wanted to see the world and little by little, I am doing it.

Don't ever count yourself out. Life is never easy but if you want something enough, sometimes you can make it happen! For now, I am off to Perth. More news from Western Australia later!

"...if it's not like the movies, that's how it should be, yeah..."

2010-11-07T19:56:00.000+11:00

I never go into swimming pools because I have a history of getting funky diseases from pools. However, what did I do last weekend? That's right, I went swimming. What do I have this week? Some funky disease! Welcome to my world.

Beyond all of that, this week in Australia was The Melbourne Cup. It is a horse race billed as "the race that stops the nation". So, at 3pm, the entire office gathered around a tv and watched as these horses galloped towards the finish line. Which horse won? The one called "Americain". Which horse did I place my bet on? Not that one. Why? Because I am dumb.

So, this weekend, I did not go to the gym once. Not once. Do I feel guilty? No! Because even though I like to keep to my routine, my baby lungs were coughing and wheezing and I just couldn't make it. Plus, since January, I have shed 22 pounds. I know, right?! How the hell did that happen? I am trying to pack on a few of those pounds but it doesn't seem to be working. I guess that being fit is the added benefit to not having a car. I walk everywhere like a madman. I like the trains but I hate the buses with a passion, so any time that a bus is required, I just walk.

When I go home for Christmas though, I am going to eat like a beast. So, if you want to see me while I am home, please make sure that our meeting involves food, preferably cake, ice cream, cookies, pies, etc. You know the drill.

For now, I am going to roll over in bed (for the nineteenth time today) and try and rest. I hate being sick but what can you do?!

"...how about me not blaming you for everything, how about me enjoying the moment for once..."

2010-10-24T19:34:00.003+11:00

I'm in a decidedly weird mood today. Not bad, not good...just weird. I can't quite sum it up but I just feel "foggy" in my head. Like, a cloud is hovering above my eyes and causing pressure. See, didn't I mention that I was weird?

Anyways, this week has been the week of me going off on tirades. I don't know why but every now and then, I like to harp on a subject and pummel it into the ground. This week has been about the whole, people being bullied and not feeling good enough about themselves, etc. It's so odd because we are all such blatant products of a "first world" society. We have food, we have water, we have all of our necessities, so naturally, we turn to self-loathing. Do you think that someone in the middle of Uganda, who has no food for her child is worried about whether or not her ears are too big? It's because our world is too easy, so we have to make it difficult and turn on ourselves.

I have regular chats with myself and I try to tell myself not to be so hard on myself because I am so lucky but sometimes, you get caught in your own world. Your own bit of crazy overwhelms you.

Anyways, it is just me. I always want people to know that they don't need to be depressed. We all go through it and more so, we all have horrible things that happen to us but we cannot let those things define us. If they do, we are forever tainted and forced to live in the shadow of the hurt. Ok, enough pondering, time for sleep.

"...and I'm crazy but you like it, loca loca loca..."

2010-10-17T22:45:00.006+11:00

This past month has been insane. I traveled down to Tasmania, had a birthday and then finally made it to The Outback. It feels good to check those things off of the list and wait to see what else is in store?! Perth in November and back to the "land of the free" for Christmas.

So, I am finally going to make the plunge and sign up for a "stand-up" comedy class. I know, I know. I am going to have a panic attack and cry on stage but this is something that I feel like I have to do. It is something that has boiled within me for years and it is either, do it or move on and I am not ready to move on just yet.

I am not sure how it will go. I like to think that I am funny or as some of you may say, delusional, but will it translate? Who knows?! Either way, it is better to try and fail than to not try at all, right? I will keep telling myself that until my shipment of pills arrive! I feel like I will piss myself when it actually comes down to it but I am in Australia and if I make a complete fool of myself, I will just hop a boat and banish myself from this island!

Beyond that, I went to the beach today and I look sort of like a crispy lobster. There was some emergency on the beach and it happened right near me but I never caught on to what happened and then randomly, whales were within feet from the shore. It was insane! I wanted to jump on one of the whales and ride it but that probably would have been 1.) inappropriate and 2.) illegal. Oh well, next time I will violate a whale. It seems fun!

For now, I am off to slumber. Oh wait, by the way, my big event of the week was realizing that my iPod records live radio and plays it back. This is either really cool or I am really behind on the times. I'm trendy!

"...we're burning down the highway skyline, on the back of a hurricane that started turning when you were young..."

2010-10-12T21:53:00.011+11:00

Everyone who knows me, knows that I have always wanted to live in Australia. But, more so than that, I have always wanted to see The Outback. So, finally, I booked a trip and off I went.

Accompanying me was my co-worker Felicity, who basically got the benefit of 1.) a pre-planned trip and 2.) having the best travel mate ever. Fact!

Anyways, I flew into Uluru in the middle of the desert and spent the first night at a "Sounds of Silence" dinner in the middle of nowhere and I truly realized that there is a God when by fate, I was seated beside a tour group from the great state of Alabama. I heard them dropping the "y'all" bomb like it was nobody's business and I jumped over and introduced myself. It was as if my relatives had all gotten on a bus and showed up, just for me! One old woman went off to the unisex bathrooms and as I passed her on my way up to them, she proclaimed, "Be careful! Those bathrooms are bi-sexual!" At this moment, I nearly urinated right then and there. I laughed so hard and I do not know if you have ever laughed with a full bladder but it is tough. God Bless, Alabama!

The next day, it was a full day trip to King's Canyon. So, this involved a trek of about 3 hours in a van. That van had some magic, comatose power over me because I fell asleep every 4 minutes. I could not keep it together. Anyways, I explored the canyon with my travel posse and it was hot. Like, almost 100 degrees kind-of hot. I had water and a prayer. It was beautiful though. You could look out for miles and miles and see nothing but the red dirt and green that poked through it.

After that, my trip continued on to Uluru/Ayer's Rock and The Olgas. My tour group today was priceless. The average age was probably 65 and I had them eating out of the palms of my hands. I have realized, my key demographics are: old people, toddlers and non-English speakers. Those three groups will always find me to be adorable and the funniest person on the planet. Again, fact!

It was stunning. The landscape is a stark contrast to anything that I am used to and they recently had good rainstorms, so little yellow and purple flowers were abundant. We ended the day with a sunset dinner overlooking Uluru in which I entertained the group with stories of my Australian English mistakes. Again, did I mention they adored me? I now have some new sets of grandparents!

Speaking of grandparents, get this! So, I stayed in a dorm/hostel because I was originally going alone and I thought that if I shared a place, it would be easier because it would allow me to meet people. Anyways, who were my roommates?! None other than a 70+ year old, Chinese couple! Now, don't get me wrong, I love sweet and sour chicken as much as the next guy but Grandma had it out for me from the start.

So, I walk in the room and she is lying in her bed and looks absolutely petrified and I say, "Hi, how are you?" And she stammers out, "Hi, me China. My body no good!" I thought, "Wow, how did she know I intended to sell her into the sex trade already?" Moving on, her husband comes in and they have the air conditioner set on 86 degrees! So, I go and turn it down. She barks something in Mandarin and I knew it was on and popping. She turns on this massive flashlight and starts hitting the air conditioner and says, "My husband so cold! So cold, my husband!" So, I make a gestured compromise and I turn off the A/C and I open the window. She walks up behind me and closes it halfway! Ohhhhhhh hell no, China Grandma!

I let it go but during the middle of the night, I wanted to curl up in her bed next to her and ask her to sing me to sleep with a story about how she killed her first born because it was a girl. Would that have been wrong?

So, this morning was my last morning and I was supposed to go on a camel tour. But, it stormed and camels apparently are primadonnas, so it was a no-go! I am a little disappointed but what can you do? I guess I will just have to find another time to make jokes about camels spitting and their toes.

With all of that, it was a great break and a great adventure. I saw things and places that I had only dreamed of, so I walk away 100% grateful and looking forward to the next journey...minus China Grandma.

(Me at The Olgas)

(On the long road in the middle of The Outback)

"...while everyone's lost, the battle is won, with all these things that I've done..."

2010-10-07T21:56:00.010+11:00

Guess what? It's my birthday! Yeah, yeah. Who gives a flip! Anyways, I never really celebrate but this year, some great new friends convinced me that I should go out. So, I only agreed if we could do it at a little Sydney amusement locale called "Luna Park".

I'm going to be honest, I went on one ride and was ready to vomit. It's like I have morning sickness without the fetus. I was so sick but I fake it to make it! That's right! No holding me back. "Luna Park" was a success (see the video below for what helped me want to vomit and also caused a massive burn on my back!)

So, today is the actual birthday. Let's have a moment of serious reflection. This is going to sound 100% completely lame but I am so grateful for everything that has happened to me in life. I was pondering it today and no matter how bad something was or how horrible of a time period it may have been, it has molded me and shaped me and call me a loser, but I am pretty happy with who I am as a person.

I realized today through the messages, the gestures and well wishes that people do appreciate me which is probably my biggest vice. I always feel like I am not good enough or that people do not really want me around and whenever someone reaches out and just offers a simple gesture of kindness, I know that they mean it and I am grateful.

Australia and the last almost 2 years have been eye opening and I am forever changed in ways that I will never been able to fully express. I have grown leaps and bounds, I have seen the world with different eyes and allowed myself to be completely open to the idea that I have zero control in the world. For me, Mr. Neurotic, that is a big deal.

Everyone always asks, "What do you want for your birthday?" and for me, the only thing that I ever want is appreciation. People to appreciate me and people to know how much I appreciate them. Again, print a picture of me and throw lame darts at it or whatever you need to do but superficial stuff does not matter and the more aware we become of that, the easier life gets. It's too hard otherwise.

So, with that said, thank you all for the birthday messages! And, check back next week because I am off to the Northern Territory for my Outback adventure, mates!

"...you think I'm funny, when I tell the punch line wrong..."

2010-09-19T20:43:00.008+10:00

Where did I go? Tasmania! Where is it? Way down south in Australia! Nothing stops you from reaching Antarctica except freezing waters and Great Whites that could eat your face off!

So, I hopped down to Tasmania and I have always heard great things about the place and it lived up to its' reputation.

The first thing that you have to remember is that it is quiet. There is nothing to do at night and there are tons of crazy animals lurking in the dark to eat you! I experienced that when I almost ran over a wallaby that jumped in front of the car and the spider that nested on the couch next to me. I had to beat it to death because catching and releasing is not my style.

I drove on the other side of the road and the funny thing about that is that the indicators and windshield wiper buttons are on opposite sides in Australia, so every time that I went to make a turn, I cleaned the windshield. I, also, went on a tour to watch the penguins come in from the ocean at dusk. They would waddle on to shore and just walk past like it was nobody's business but some of them cross a major road in order to get to their dens and I would freak out if I ran over a penguin. Could you even imagine? "Oh wow, I just hit something! What was it? A PENGUIN!?!?!?!"

There was also a random snow sighting at the top of Mount Wellington in Hobart, so naturally I had a snowball fight with myself because that's how I roll.

So, I made a video and it is posted at www.facebook.com/stuckatseven, so check it out and see how the rest of the journey went! Up next, Uluru in 3 weeks...

"...well I heard there was a secret chord, that David played and it pleased the Lord but you don't really care for music, do ya..."

2010-09-08T20:29:00.008+10:00

So the time finally arrived in which the student became the teacher and I held my first official tour of Sydney. Odessa, one of the adventurers associated with my Costa Rica trips, made her way down to the current tundra of Australia to visit a few spots and her first was in Sydney.

I am pretty sure she hates me because within her 2 days to explore, I made her walk a lot. No time to waste here, kids! Lots to see. We went to the Opera House, Aquarium, Wild Life World, Sydney Tower, Bondi Beach, Newtown and more.

It was good showing someone around this city because I do enjoy it and it has so many great spots but Sweet Jesus, I was ready for a nap. Each night, I came home and passed out. It was no joke.

My highlight was riding on a fake wombat (see below). Who knew wombats were so neat? It was nice to explore the city with fresh eyes because, like anything, you become complacent and things become normal, so exploring with someone else re-opened my eyes to a lot of things in the city.

So this weekend, I make my way down to Tasmania. That's right! I am going into even colder climate and will whine even more. Yeah! Then in October, I am off to The Outback (finally!). I just booked myself a trip to Uluru. Until next time...

(Bondi Beach.)

(Giddy up!)

"...raise a glass to mend all the broken hearts of all my wrecked up friends..."

2010-08-26T21:17:00.001+10:00

I have been in a bad mood all week. Why? Because I think I have malaria again! I get sick so much here. I am like a broken record.

Anyways, Mom and Dad had a hotel room booked for Dad's big 50th birthday and who knows how this happened but Nana rocked up and joined them! So, Mom and Dad and Nana had a very special birthday evening. Awkwardddd.

I am going to Tasmania in two weeks and I am excited. Apparently, Tasmania is the Alabama of Australia, so there are supposed to be lots of cousin lovers there. In pictures though, the place looks amazing. I am going to see Hobart, Port Arthur and the Wineglass Bay region. And...wait for it...I will be driving a car in Australia for the first time. I know, I know. Let's let Jesus take the wheel. I am nervous.

In the meantime, I am going to hope that I do not have another bout of some random illness and wait until I can have a mini-vacation. Until I am more interesting, good day!

...oh, I've found that I'm bound to wander down that one way road..."

2010-07-27T20:38:00.011+10:00

I am tired. I am sleepy. I am exhausted. Why? Because I have decided that the time has come to get over my baby arms and try and do something about it. So, I am taking classes at the gym. Do you know how hard it is to have the arms of an underdeveloped 4 year old girl? No, you don't because an underdeveloped 4 year old girl would not be reading this.

I am taking 3 or 4 classes a week and sometimes, I just want to stop mid-way through the class and pull out a Snickers or a Kit-Kat. When people would turn and look at me with judgment, I'd offer them a bite and when they refused, I'd just think "your loss" and continue to chew into the nougaty goodness.

With all that said, I have learned a couple of things from these classes; 1.) Crying in public can easily be disguised if you are also sweating profusely and 2.) I have hardly any coordination. I know, I know...a Caucasian person with a lack of coordination. Not possible. The instructor made us stand on this half-exercise ball thing and then lunge forward and mine slipped from underneath me and I did a half split, half what little dignity I had is gone, kind-of move. It was humbling when the instructor chimed in and said "Oh God, are you ok?!" Yes, yes I am.

"...they say, time is made of memories, well I remember and I'm tired..."

2010-07-15T18:41:00.007+10:00

I just got my passport stamped as I entered the land of Crazy. I sit here with the air sucked from my lungs, trapped in some mental blockade of delusion and self pity. I can't break free. I need a nap. I need some meds! This is the world of panic attacks and this is where I am at this very moment.

The whole week, I could feel the crazy coming on. It creeps up on you slowly like a Jehovah's Witness knocking on your door at a family dinner. You know it's out there but you just don't know when it will get you.

I should have known it was on its' way though. This whole week, I have felt restless, hurried, emotional. I questioned if I were ovulating. Then, I googled what that word meant and realized that I wasn't. But then again, what if I were?! What if I had ovaries?! That would explain the mood swing! So, I panicked about potentially having female organs. But, alas, no ovaries. Panic diverted.

Last night, I was at my acting class and working with my scene partner and the teacher comes over and tells me that I need to be more neurotic. Hahahahahahaha! Me? More neurotic? This man clearly does not know me! I invented a level of neurosis. I wanted to punch him in his esophagus for the disrespect but I decided that I am too pretty for prison and that that was not the way to go!

I wish that having a panic attack were more like a resort vacation in the Caribbean. You know, sitting around on a beach and drinking a mai-tai while the sun sets in the distance instead of like a jackhammer that pierces your soul and exposes you for the insecure, fragile leper that you are. You know, or something like that.

"...all I need is a little bit of space to breathe and a little bit of freedom to be who I want to be..."

2010-07-11T19:38:00.002+10:00

If there is one thing in life that I have realized that I am good at it, it is whining. I mean, in my head, I can out-whine anyone. "How is the weather today?" It's too hot. It's too cold. It's too weathery. See, I've got it covered. They say that the English are notorious for their desire to complain but, being a typical American, I feel the need to out do them. It is tough though.

So, I haven't written lately which is a trend. I don't know why really. I always want to write and then I think of how it is just easier to complain in my head than via the written word. I am going to try and stop complaining so much but I imagine that it will just turn into me complaining about not having anything to complain about. It sounds complicated but it is easy for me.

Last weekend, I was way too social for my liking. My co-workers, who adore and respect me en masse, invited me out for several different events. One event was my boss having a lunch for some people, the next was a "Jersey Shore" night out on the town and since I am the token American I had to represent that amazingly horrible tv show, and the third was a Fourth of July dinner. Just an FYI, when you look outside and it is cold and then you look at the calendar and see that it says "July" it really messes with your Northern Hemisphere sensibilities. I am not used to such tomfoolery. Haha, I wrote tomfoolery.

I'd like to say it is my charming American accent that lead to my social calendar being full last weekend but it probably grates on their nerves and is more of a hindrance than help for me. So, clearly, it is because I am viewed as pathetic and helpless when it comes to feeding/providing for myself. Which is 100% true. So, therefore, anyone who has a cooking event coming up, I'm free to sample the food.

(Me standing in front of a self portrait. Look at those ears! Spot on!)

"...keep on rolling like a stone, 'cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy..."

2010-06-23T03:25:00.002+10:00

Blaahhhhhhhh. Since I have returned to Australia, I have been sick. Now, I like to complain. I am good at it. But, I have been legitimately sick and I finally broke down and went to the doctor. Diagnosis - Pink Eye! In both eyes! Or, as those with intelligence call it, Conjunctivitis! Awesome. Eyes coated over and a fever. I have not been to the gym or even showered all that much. Yes, I said it. I am avoiding showering. I just don't feel like it. Don't judge me. It is hard to be blind and engulfed in water. Lots of hazard and logistics going on there. Hopefully I did not contaminate any of my co-workers. That would not be good and I actually like them, so I wouldn't want to get them sick!

The doctor has forced me into exile for tomorrow. So, I am going to stay at home and wallow in misery. Again, wallowing and misery, both things that I am good at doing. But, I am over it. I will be upset if I am forced to miss my class tomorrow night. I enjoy it and need some break from sick-ville but we will see.

Ok, it is about 3:30am and I am wide awake! I need to pass out soon.

"...thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box..."

2010-06-18T20:07:00.003+10:00

After my quick trip home, I am back in Australia and in an unsurprising turn of events, I am sick. I am sick here way too much for my liking. I can count three times since January in which I have been really bad off and I don't know why that is. Today, for the first time in a long time, I actually took a "sick day" from work.

I hate taking "sick days" because I do not like to appear weak or like a slacker but today, I knew I wasn't able to make it. I slept almost the entire day and I do feel better right now but I am not going to jinx it.

I should have known that I was getting sick because I have been really negative in my thoughts this week too. I always think that I am not good enough, on every level and it drives me insane. How do you break that hurdle? What happens when one day, you are ok with you and your place in the world? I will never be the best at anything but even if I were, would I even recognize it because I am so negative?

I try to remind myself to be grateful for what I do have as opposed to dwelling on what I don't have. Easy concept. Tough in practice. I think that once we achieve something in life, we quickly move on to a new goal or a new aspiration because why sit around and be happy! Where is the fun in that?

I don't know but I hope that I am on the mend for tonight and I am going to have to start tricking my mind into being more positive. I go negative way too often and it is ingrained into me. I always feel like there is something more. Something more within me and I can't find the right way to channel it and that makes me go negative. I feel as if there is some potential being wasted. Ok, enough of that. Time for some flu medicine and a nap.

"...lightning strikes, inside my chest to keep me up at night..."

2010-06-09T08:56:00.001+10:00

So, you hop a plane or three for 24 hours and you arrive back to the place where you began. You've seen much more of the world than you could have ever imagined but instantly, you are transported back to the home that made you. It feels good but weird. But with me, everything is weird.

I was talking to my Mom about how I have a hard time remembering the past. Not in a delusional sense where I don't acknowledge it but in the sense that I just feel like I have evolved beyond it to the point where I can't mentally cope with it. See, I warned you about the weirdness.

This has been a good visit. I just get very thrown off when I have no routine, even for a short time. I start to mentally turn into mush. I feel insecurities creep up and I become very self loathing. It's bad.

Good news is, I have had cake, Dr. Pepper, Wendy's, Whataburger, and tons of other foods that I wanted. The bad news is, I am going to have to run like a fool at the gym upon returning to Sydney. I still have fried okra on the list which is today's plan. Yes, my daily plan revolves around food.

For now, I will go and ponder life more as I have no sleep schedule. Oh well.

(Scrap and Andrew)

(At least I have a good personality.)

"...you're always going to be the same, oh no, you'll never change..."

2010-05-27T22:32:00.003+10:00

I realized today that May 27, 2010 marks 10 years since the day that I graduated high school. I don't know about most people but it feels like an eternity and yesterday all at the same time. I remember when Ms. Stewart called my name at graduation and she goes, "Edward Christopher McCombs". I thought, "what the F*#$, woman! She got my name wrong!"

It's funny if you try to forget all of the events that have molded you since and go back to that mindset. To think about what dreams and goals you had. Did you want to go to college? Did you feel devastated that it was all over or were you finally free? The one thing that was so amazingly important to me was to realize that I didn't want to peak to soon. I never wanted to be the cool kid and thank God for bucktooth teeth, acne, and arms that belong attached to a 4 year old girl or else I could have been a football star.

I remember one person in particular, who was a "football star". He blurted out, during a presentation in English class, something about my nose and its' size. Well, for starters, and to quote a good friend, "big nose, big hose" and secondly, I Facebook-stalked this person and he looks like a 58 year old convict from his profile photo. So, put a fork in it, it's done! I win, mofo!

Anyways, I felt awkward, shy, panicked, lame and that was just yesterday! Imagine how bad it was 10 years ago? In high school, I always remember that I talked about Australia and how I wanted to visit. Well, here I am. So, I guess that makes me a success. I may not have invented the Post-It or been cast for the next season of "Jersey Shore" but I'd say I have turned out alright.

"...the fire fades away, most of everyday, is full of tired excuses, but it's too hard to say..."

2010-05-23T20:54:00.002+10:00

Look at me, I have on a dumb hat! I never wear hats and that is because my head is abnormally disproportionate but as 2010 is the year of making myself do things that make me panic, I had to do it. Judge away, I am ok with it! The rain and Winter have arrived full force in Sydney and since heating is not standard in homes, it has allowed me plenty of time to whine and complain in my own head about how cold it is. For the past two weeks or so, I have been super sick. A cold of epic proportion knocked me out. It happens to me a lot here in Australia and I am becoming used to being the "defective" one. Today, I meandered through the city with my adopted Beecroft family and it was good to see them. They offered for me to join them on a trip to China towards the end of the year, so that just may be a possibility. I'd love to explore China, so we will see. In two weeks, I will make my triumphant return to the "land of the free" for a quick visit in which I will eat everything from gallons of Dr. Pepper to white cake to Whataburger hamburgers. I will then sit in a large chair with my gut overhanging my pants and breathe in the sweet smell of freedom. I'm coming home, America! Below, please check out my quick video of my Fijian adventure. I like to be pathetic and look like a fool in public, so I whipped out the camera and did just that in a beautiful, tropical land. Enjoy.

"...let the world keep turning, 'cause I'll be standing still, and the Earth feels closer to heaven, just because you're here..."

2010-05-06T21:39:00.000+10:00

I have been plagued by panic, insecurity, or whatever you want to call it for my entire life. However, I have always wanted to take an improv/acting class and get over my fear of public speaking. So, after avoiding it for several years, I made it a 2010 goal and completed my ten week course last night with a performance. Some of you may know that I have an infamous right hand that takes on a life of its' own when I am nervous. The first time that we had to practice alone in front of each other, I spazzed. My hand was waving so hard that people in China were feeling the breeze. I caused enough personal havoc that after 5 weeks in, I wanted to quit for the first time. But, alas...I stuck to it and pulled through. For our final performance, we were allowed to invite guests to watch us but even though I had some gracious co-workers who wanted to attend, I decided to go it alone. I took the class for me, I panicked for me, I cried in the shower for me (not really). So, I needed to perform for me. It wasn't about whether I was good or not, it was about me getting up there and proving to myself that fear does not always win! Sometimes, we have to take that leap and see where we land. It was a great experience and to be honest, it happened so quick and I was in such a weird frame of mind that I barely remember doing it. I just went with it. The funniest part for me was afterwards when an audience member came up to say "good work" and I said "thank you" and he responded with, "Oh, you really have an American accent!" I wish I could do an Aussie one because then I would have just played it off as if I were a genius with accents but no luck. The nicest part of this class though is the residual benefit of spending the last 10 weeks getting to know some really great and interesting people. My personal success hinged on a group success, as well because we all grew together and really wanted each other to succeed. So, what's next? I have decided to take the plunge and sign up for the level two course that starts in a month! Let's see how it goes! And scene.

"...you've changed, oh oh oh, for the better, yeah..."

2010-04-28T17:31:00.000+10:00

Being ungrateful isn't an option. Every single time that I step off of a plane and I am in a new place, I am grateful. This is the stuff that I dreamed of. I have spent countless hours of my life pouring over maps and watching travel shows, longing for the day in which that could be my life. And here, on some small level, it is. My latest destination: Fiji! Fiji, to me, was never some place that ranked high on my list of priorities. It was no Australia, South Africa, or Brazil but when the chance came to go, I would have never denied it and it did not disappoint. The place is beautiful; from the people, to the sights, to the sounds, to the food, everything. The neatest adventure came when I had an amazing opportunity to go and visit a local Indian-Fijian family. My Mom works with their brother and sister in Florida and they invited me into their home to see how locals live. The Mom of the house made curry of every flavor and type and then took me to her mother's home, who made me more curry, and then took me to her sister's home who gave me tea and snacks! I was so full but a good, home-cooked meal was more than welcomed. My adventures continued when I went out on the Mamanuca Island chain and kayaked and snorkled for the day. I swam with some black-tip reef sharks which aren't all that scary but when I am 90 years old and recounting this story to some young child who just wants me to put money in his birthday card and shut up, I will tell how it was a 14 foot Great White that nearly took off my leg but thanks to my massive biceps (cue: laughter) I was able to fend it off. On my last day, I walked out early to watch the sun rising over the water. While on the beach, I met a woman from the island country of Tonga, who was walking with a cane and asked me if I could help her walk back from the beach. She grabbed my arm and she said bluntly, "you know, I am two years from being 6-0 and I've got the big C in my bones and blood. Doc told me I have 5 months to live and I will never get over how beautiful this sunrise is today". Funny how a vacation can zap you into real life, really quickly. Her statement didn't require a response, I just looked at her and agreed that the sunrise was nice and that we should be grateful that we are seeing it. Like all good travels, I leave Fiji with memories and stories that will live inside of me for a long time to come. Now, I wonder what comes next!

(Making friends with the locals.)

(Ash and Abi, my Indian-Fijian brother and sister!)

(Wailoaloa Beach, Fiji)

(STOP! Hammock Time!)

"...now and then it seems that life is just too much, but you've got the love I need to see me through..."

2010-04-17T23:48:00.005+10:00

Autumn has arrived in Australia and I went and sat in the park today. Since I tend to be neurotic and like to take deep meaning from simple actions, I was watching the leaves fall from the trees and thinking of them as a metaphor. Each leaf is like an individual's journey in life. Some stay attached to that tree and fight so that it is never pulled away, completely resistant to the change. Others are thrust free, as if of their own will, and fall quickly to the ground. While the rest take their sweet time and circle to the Earth at, what seems to be, their own pace. It just made me question why some people have the ability to dream and to know that sometimes there is more to life and for others, they can't even imagine it. What makes us into these people? My whole life I had a vision that there was more to it than meets the eye. Surely life had more meaning than anything that I knew at that point. I remember being little and looking at maps and getting lost in the lines and the points and wondering what it would be like to see these places. I took a leap of faith in coming here. Something that no one around me ever had or would do and I want so badly for some of them to do it! Not move to Australia but do something that makes them know that we are not bound to our prescribed perception of what our life is "meant to be". Coming to Australia has not saved me from me but it has taught me that there is not one thing on this planet that can hold me down. We all need that. We all need to know that we lead our lives and sometimes a random jolt to our system may be the thing that we need to set us off onto a new way life.

"...we're burning down the highway skyline, on the back of a hurricane that started turning, when you were young..."

2010-03-21T21:49:00.001+11:00

Tonight is one of those nights when I wish I had a car. There is a freedom attached to a car that I don't often miss but tonight, I do. I wish I could just get in and go wherever and have the windows down and let the air go through the car. One of my favorite parts of living in Atlanta was that sometimes late at night, I could be driving through the heart of the city and amongst all the lights, buildings, and chaos, there was an odd sense of calm that I found. I like cities. I like lights and busy streets. Cities are amazing creatures though because you can be in the middle of one with 5 million other people yet be completely alone. You can sit on a bench and watch hundreds pass you but not one face strikes a familiar chord. It is disconcerting and fascinating all at once. I've realized within myself that I am painfully anti-social. It's odd. Most people meet me and would not peg me as such but it is true. I cringe inside at the thought of extreme social settings. I think that it makes me come off as rude when in actuality it is just a striking insecurity. I don't know. I feel that I have gotten better but it still creeps up regularly enough to be an issue. I guess we will all learn how much of an issue it is when I scurry off to Fiji for a few days by myself. Fake it until you make it is the rule, I guess. I have always been a loner and it is a hard trait to break. I can't handle massive groups of people but sometimes, I can drown myself in the solitude of self isolation. I am trying to work on it by taking my improv class but maybe it is all part of being "stuckatseven". Time will tell.

"...when the goal is to rock the whole globe, imma be the future, imma be the whole, reason why you wanna come to the show..."

2010-03-11T21:10:00.004+11:00

It was brought to my attention that I haven't blogged recently. I don't know the reason why. It just seems as if nothing has garnered my attention enough to write it down but maybe tonight is the night. Now that I am back in Australia, I feel a little more settled. I have a good job, a good apartment, and all is well. In two spur of the moment decisions, I bought myself a trip to Fiji and joined an improv class. The improv class is something that I have always wanted to do and it is proving to be interesting. I had to stand in front of a room of people last night and I didn't feel nervous at all. Maybe it was because everyone was supportive or because I have grown more confident as a person. I don't know but it felt good to not be riddled with panic. There was a time when I wouldn't have even been able to breath in a situation like that. I wonder if time has changed me or experience or what? The amazing thing with life is that the people we are today can be vastly different from who we once were yet inside, we are still the same. I am enjoying the experience and look forward to Wednesday nights now for the class. On a lower note, this past Saturday, out of nowhere, I became super sick. I was in the shower and it was like a poltergeist kicked me in the gut. I threw up a lot. Gross, I know. To make matters worse, the only things that were on the tv to watch was "Crocodile Dundee: 2" followed by "I am Sam". Now, I love a movie about a mentally challenged person as much as the next guy but did they really need to make a sequel to Crocodile Dundee? I kid, I kid.

"...whatever you do, don't put the blame on you, blame it on the rain, yeah yeah..."

2010-02-14T19:57:00.004+11:00

As I write this, it is still raining here in Sydney. It hasn't rained for one day, or four days, but how about twelve. It is raining so hard that I had to quote some old school Milli Vanilli as the title of this blog. I've gone for a bit without writing because nothing too exciting has happened. Australia Day came and went and that was a good day. I went to Luna Park on the harbour and saw the fireworks but since then, I've been working and avoiding the rain. I joined a gym again and I feel good about it. I am working hard to not allow myself to become a gym crackhead like I used to be. Clearly, I do not do too much at the gym because my arms still resemble that of an underdeveloped, toddler girl but I do like to go because something has to fight the man boobs off. Recently, an Australian airline offered a sale to Fiji for $77 in either direction, so I jumped at the chance and purchased the ticket. I will be off to Fiji for a long weekend in April. I know it sounds pretentious or pompous to say, "Ohh, I'm going to Fiji for the weekend", but it is only a short flight from Sydney and at $77 each way, how could I not go? I do need to clarify that I am in Sydney because my Mom calls me, the other day, and says, "Where is it you live again? I know it's Australia but where in Melbourne?" Ahhhh, Mama. All of the hard work that I did trying to teach you on the map and it is all out the window! So, yes. I am in Sydney.

"...sometimes I feel like I'm a prisoner, I think I'm trapped here for a while..."

2010-01-23T19:53:00.002+11:00

Today is hot in Sydney. Well over 100F/40C in temperature. The Aussie family took me up to Ettalong Beach on the Central Coast and it was a great drive and nice place to see but it was way too hot to enjoy properly. Since coming to Australia, I have had the opportunity to see and do a lot of neat things and I know that the experience that I am having is rare in life. When I was home, my Mom and I were having a chat about how life is pretty boring and mundane unless you actively do something to mix it up. The trick is finding out how to do that. For most of us, at least five days are tied up with work and then we are generally too tired on the weekends to do much of anything exciting. So, how do you find the balance? How do we keep life fresh and new? I am here and seeing amazing things but I work a lot. I am trying to find some sort of balance where I enjoy life but work hard. Looking back to my time in Atlanta, I can't believe that it lasted three years because I was such a drone. I worked, literally, seven days a week. I never even explored the city properly. Life will never be perfect but being in Sydney has taught me that I can never go back to the way things were in Atlanta. I just wonder for all of us though, how can we break that mundane cycle? We all need something to jolt our systems every now and then and reminds us that we are alive. It's important.

"...and I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life..."

2010-01-10T18:02:00.004+11:00

So, I have made it back. It took me a bit longer than expected to make it to Sydney but no complaints. I have focused pretty well on trying to keep to this time zone and I feel acclimated. I will be honest though and say that I have had a nagging feeling about being here. I feel weird. I have been trying to analyze the situation and I think it stems from a lack of sleep and to a situation that happened on my last day at home. I have a relative and she is facing a lot of issues right now. On my last day, I saw her and the path that her life has been on all came into focus for me and I was pretty devastated. She and I were always close and then, at some point, our paths differed. We went in such different directions that there became no commonality. She has gone into a deep hole and I wish she could realize that her life is not defined by past mistakes and that she can correct it. I truly feel like one day my phone will ring and I will hear news that something has gone horribly wrong with her. As thick-skinned as I can try to be, I know I will be crushed. As we discussed her issues, she cried and had a look on her face that I won't forget. It is like the person inside wanted help so badly but the exterior would not let it happen. I don't know how to fix her and I don't know that it is my place to try to do it. I guess that I can hope. Looking at her was like emptiness personified. Nothing was there. She cried and hugged me and I did my best to maintain my composure. It was only a few minutes of time but I tried my hardest to relay to her how badly she needed to get it together. I don't know if she will listen or if she is even capable of hearing what others have to say. I can only hope that she finds the help that she needs.

"...remember all the things we wanted, now our memories they're haunted, we were always meant to say goodbye..."

2010-01-05T00:14:00.000+11:00

Before you have time to be a hater, this dog is the most amazing animal on the planet and he can rock a hoodie like nobody's business. Secondly, I forced my Mom to buy him a hoodie because she was making him wear a sweater. Let the dog have some dignity, I say. Beyond all of that, I head off to Sydney again tomorrow. I am nervous, excited, and anxious. To be honest, I have more anxiety this time than I did last year on this very day when I was going the first time. I think that it is because I am going back to a stable environment, as lame as that may sound. The first time, I knew nothing. I didn't have anyone or anything to help me along and now I do. I am grateful to be going back to a great job, work with awesome people, and be a part of a great organization but for some reason, I am nervous. Completely natural to be this way, I guess. I will be fine once I get this show on the road. I just do not like saying goodbyes. I have had a long visit home but these last few days have flown by. I have felt good being here and enjoyed the comforts. I needed it. Being away teaches you a lot about yourself and I don't feel that I have ever taken anyone for granted but going away and coming back solidifies that sentiment. Never take people for granted. To my family, Mom especially, you know how much I love you and I appreciate all that you do for me. And to all of those who follow this journey with me, thank you so much. I hope you know that I appreciate it.

"...remember when we were such fools and so convinced and just too cool..."

2010-01-01T21:56:00.004+11:00

A new decade has dawned. 2009 was a year full of experiences that I never thought possible. In life, we limit ourselves by our fears and insecurities and I did that for so long that I had become numb. So, when I finally decided to stake claim on life and make a bold move, it really did change so much. I am so grateful for the experiences, people, and places that 2009 offered me. For 2010, who knows what is next. I am going back to Australia and will see what life has in store for me. Sometimes, if I think too much about Australia, it confuses me. I never truly thought that I would make it there. I was fixated on living in Australia since I can remember and to have it be a reality is odd. Being back home, it is almost as if the last year didn't exist. It is like I made it up in some random daydream but I actually lived it. If there is one thing that I could wish for those around me, it is for them to take that leap and see what life has in store for them. My life is not perfect, nor will it ever be but now, I will not have to sit around and wonder "what if I had gone to Australia?" because I did. So to everyone out there, I wish you all a safe 2010 and to break free of whatever chains may be holding you back and make your life better!

(Brother Joe, his girlfriend Ashley, Scrap the dog, and Me)

"...I'll be home for Christmas, you can plan on me..."

2009-12-27T20:47:00.000+11:00

From Sydney to San Fran to Dallas to Pensacola. My journey home was a long one. It is funny how your life can be completely transported. I woke up in Sydney and after a few flights, I arrived home where everything was the same. It is like life teleported me to some other place and then dropped me right back in the middle of things. The big news is that I am returning to Sydney. My job in Sydney liked me enough to ask me to return. So, return I will. I am excited to go back and nervous all at the same time. It's weird. I didn't really expect that it would pan out for some reason. I found out within a couple weeks of my departure that this was an option but for it to be a reality is surreal. I take it as a huge compliment. I guess that my former boss in ATL had beaten me down so much mentally that I was lacking self-esteem. Since my arrival, I have seen a lot of relatives that I haven't seen in a while and it has been good. I have eaten like a pig and slept more than I thought possible. It is pretty odd to think that a year ago at this time, I was sitting in my apartment in Atlanta, packing up my life for an adventure in Australia and here I sit, going back. One decision is like a domino effect, whether it be a positive decision or negative. One thing happens and then life plays out. Odd.

(Me and Cousin Christopher)

(Me and Cousins Branson and Parker)

(Me, Brother Andrew, Dad, Mom, and Brother Joe)

(Me and Cousins Ava and Christopher)

"...times have changed and times are strange, here I come but I a'int the same, Mama I'm coming home..."

2009-12-11T06:52:00.006+11:00

339 days ago, I boarded a plane. I had quit my job, I sold my stuff, and I packed a bag. I was heading to Australia, somewhere that I had wanted to be for my entire life. I wanted to push myself and to see if I could make it on my own, far from home. Looking back, I do not have the perspective that I need just yet because it is all too fresh. I am still in the mix of it all but one day, I want to look back and realize that on paper, what I did was crazy but in the grand scheme of life, it was pretty amazing. People like me do not get to have experiences like this. I'm not pampered or spoiled but I am determined. I decided that I was going to control my circumstances, not anyone else or some idealized concept of what life "should be". So, I guess a fair question to ask is, "Do you still feel 'stuck'?" The answer is yes. I will always strive for more. I will grow and evolve and hope that I can achieve some existence greater than the current one that I have. But, I can safely say that the me leaving Australia is less panicked and less worried about every aspect of life. Australia has been like boot camp. It has broken me down, built me up, and it is shipping me off as a better person. I really feel like there is not one thing in life that I can't handle after this year. So, I remain "stuckatseven" but I've decided that I will never change it. Instead, I will adapt to my inadequacies and move forward. This journey has meant everything to me and to everyone who has read the blog and kept up with me, thank you. I guess now we all have to ask, "What's next?" I don't know but I'm ready!

"...I want to be a hunter again, I want to see the world alone again..."

2009-12-06T19:19:00.001+11:00

Yesterday, I took a day trip to the Hunter Valley which is about 2 hours north of Sydney. The Hunter Valley is beautiful but it was the most boring tour I have ever been on. First of all, the tour guide never shut his mouth. Not even for one second. He talked and talked and then talked about how people told him that he talked too much. He also kept mentioning how bad his marriage was and, as a direct quote, he said, "Some warm milk and a cookie can give me a woody quicker than my wife." Awkward. The wineries were nice, I guess but I do not like wine or drink all that much, so it was only a sight-seeing tour for me. Also, I got really car sick. So, that was my final Saturday adventure in Oz. Now, I am ready to go home. I just have to get through this work week and Friday afternoon, I am on the plane and on my way!

(Overlooking the Mountain View winery)

(@ a winery in the Hunter Valley)

"...well, I'm going home, back to the place where I belong, and where your love has always been enough for me..."

2009-12-03T20:31:00.007+11:00

The time has come for me to go home soon and I am ready. What am I ready for? I am ready for my Mom to make me food. I am ready for my Dad to tell some lame joke and then poke me in the side because he knows that it pisses me off. I am ready for my brother Joe, to pretend that I don't exist and then lovingly call me a douche bag. I am ready for my brother, Andrew to try and act like he doesn't love me and then, when his friends aren't looking, give me a hug. I am ready to drive my car and listen to music. I am ready to see my dog and have him urinate on himself, with excitement,when I walk in the front door. I am ready to watch TV. I am ready to feel a sense of normalcy that I lack here. I am ready to sleep in a familiar bed. I am ready to go home! I love Australia and it has been an amazing experience but in this moment, I just need a break. A break back to normal. This year has been amazing. Some people write to me and say that I seem different and happier here than I ever was before and I don't know that that is true but I do know that I have taken leaps here in regards to trying to live life a little less planned. I've had adventures that I never expected and been to places that I really never thought I would see. Inevitably, an experience like this changes you and I feel that I walk away from it the same person but with different perspectives. I guess that time will tell how Australia has molded me but in the meantime, next Friday, I have a 42 hour trek back home to Pensacola and I am ready.

(The windiest day that I have experienced in Sydney)

(The wind knocked me down or I am searching for gold, you choose)

"...so what if this world just throws me off the edge, my feet run out of ground..."

2009-11-28T15:10:00.004+11:00

You never know what life has in store for you, right? I guess that the quicker I let go of trying to control things, the better off I will be. I think that Australia has taught me that. I control nothing beyond my reactions to the events that take place around me. I have learned to put panic to the side a bit and just roll with the punches. As things stand now, I am currently within my last two weeks in Sydney. I came, I saw, I conquered, kind of. I have been working a lot lately. Which, for those of you who know me, is typical. I like to work, to be busy. So, no issues there. As it turns out, I may have worked so much that I could potentially be returning back to Australia. Nothing is set in stone yet but it could be a great opportunity for me to return to the land of Australia. It feels a bit weird because when I came here, I had 2009 dedicated to my journey in Oz but if it continues, I welcome the challenge. Order number one will be to get an air conditioner. Why this place lacks AC, I will never know. I feel like I need to expose them to higher energy bills but better sleep at night. Sleeping hot sucks. I can cope for now but sometimes, I wake up and want to punch things. But, maybe that has nothing to do with the heat but more so with the fact that my clock say 5am. Boo. So, now I sit here in the heat, putting my things in order for my return to Florida. I am excited to go home. We will see where life leads next.

"...each and every single day, I know I'm gonna have to eventually give you away..."

2009-11-22T19:15:00.002+11:00

Today, Sydney is hot. It has topped off at about 106 F/42 C. It reminds me of when I first arrived and how miserable it was because AC is a rare treat. As I type this, the sun is setting and a small gust of wind is coming through the window, so it is welcomed. This week is Thanksgiving in the good ole' US of A but I will be "down under". So, I had to celebrate right by practicing my abilities on a fake turkey. It was a bit chewy but it should do the trick. As Thanksgiving arrives, it reminds me that slowly but surely my time in Australia is coming to a close. I go back and forth about how I feel about that but overall, I feel good. Who knows what life ever has in store for us, so if I have learned anything, it is to try and go with the flow a bit. Just see where life takes you. I have always had plans and been disappointed in more cases than one, so I think I just need to live in the present and see where that takes me. Plus, for whatever reason, Australia has always played a role in my life and just because this initial journey is over, doesn't mean that I won't be back. I feel a connection to Australia, so it will be my second home, I have no doubts about it. When I came here, I came to make true connections with people here and have a genuine experience and I have done just that. So, I know that I can hop off of a plane in Sydney at any time and have people here to call and visit. That is what has made this journey for me. So, for all my US people, enjoy Turkey Day. As for me, I am going to go watch a Christmas Tree be lit in 100 degree heat!

"...evolve your destiny child and you'll never walk alone..."

2009-11-07T23:18:00.007+11:00

Tonight was the first time since I have been here that I went back and read past blog entries. It has been an interesting experience. I realized how non-chalant I was in my approach to coming to Australia and I think that that lack of expectation has been my saving grace. Australia has been tough and amazing all at once and there is not one instance that I can think of to change. No regrets in any decision. My whole life, I have felt like I deserved less than others or that I wasn't as good as others. That has changed. Instinctually, I fall into ruts and depression but I have to be aware and diligent now. I have no excuse. I have moved to the other side of the world and done perfectly fine. Struggles came and struggles went but I remained. I remained here and persevered. I win. No one did it for me. I don't know what life has in store for me. I can worry but it is pointless. I have to relinquish that control. Time is fleeting and to ponder that which we have no control over, is useless. In my mind, I am moving on to the next phase of life, what it holds, who knows?

(Sculpture by the Sea event on the Bondi to Tamarama Coastal Walk)

(Living on the Ledge)

"...all that noise, and all that sound, all those places I got found..."

2009-11-01T19:39:00.003+11:00

This weekend, I took the little, Aussie sisters to a dog show. Now, some may think that this sounds lame but it was no ordinary dog show. It was the "World Dog Games", which is like the Olympics for dogs. It was actually an enjoyable time, so don't knock it until you try it. While I was there, the realization that my Aussie time is almost up started to kick in. I have no reason to whine or complain about it ending because this year has been a whirlwind. I didn't come in with many expectations but it has been everything I wanted and nothing that I expected. I came here to prove to myself that I could do it and I have. When I begin to panic about what comes next, as in, "What will I do?" or "Where will I go?", I have to remember that I came here not knowing a soul. I had no place to live, no job, and it all worked out. I have learned that I do not buckle under pressure, I don't give up, and I keep on moving. As I worry about what life has in store for me next, I realize that none of us ever know. We can plan and have an idea but don't write something in stone until it has happened because life changes at the drop of a dime. So, with that said, I am going to continue to enjoy my Australian adventure and see where life takes me next.

"...'cause where we gonna go, is where we wanna be, the place where the native language is unity..."

2009-10-27T20:07:00.000+11:00

For my birthday this year, I bought myself a trip to Vanuatu. It is a small, island country in the South Pacific that I would have never imagined going to but I am grateful that I did. When I studied abroad in Costa Rica, there was a part of me that felt really guilty about going to a place that, on the surface, seemed less fortunate than the country from which I come. Vanuatu, instantly, reminded me of this. The roads are damaged, the buildings dilapidated, and the pace of life is much slower. All of this contrasted with a harbor that is various shades of blue, verdant hills for miles, and a smile on the face of the people that is of genuine happiness. For me, the people made Vanuatu. They are incredibly friendly and carry themselves with a sense of inner peace that those of us from the "developed" world will never be able to have. Whenever I travel anywhere, the most important adventure for me is to see how people really live. I don't need to stay holed up in a resort or be constantly entertained by sights and sounds, I like to see real life. In Vanuatu, I had the opportunity to visit three local villages and it was eye opening. 78% of people in Vanuatu are unemployed but not because they aren't capable of working but because they are completely self sufficient. They live off of their land and use it for every aspect of life. Many homes are, by our standards, shacks. Some sleep on the floor with only a mosquito net to cover them at night but they aren't poor and they aren't meant to look like "charity cases". These are normal people living their lives and happy with it all. On one day, I was walking through a market and some ignorant woman who had come off of a cruise ship stopped a local and asked him, "If you could choose, would you want my life or yours?" and he just looked at her confused because, I am sure that he thinks that our lives are bad. Sure, I do not want to sleep on the ground but to go through life with a simplistic approach and manner is to be envied. There is no mad dash for money or power. There are no deadlines and social ladders to climb. As long as the sun rises and the food is plentiful, life is good. Beyond all of the people watching and social observations, I did get the chance to go buggy riding through the rainforest and abseil down a 180 foot cliff. I was surprised with myself when it came to the abseil. I had zero fear. I am not a chicken but I am no daredevil yet I just walked to the edge of the waterfall and down I went. I think it is safe to say that Vanuatu is a place that is a once-in-a-lifetime trip. I saw and experienced what I needed to there and I am happy with it. For me, seeing a new place is better than any material object and I happy that I was able to experience Vanuatu.

"...you say, you're identical to none, but you're identical to some, who wants to be a some? Not me..."

2009-10-10T21:14:00.001+11:00

This past weekend, I took the hop over the Tasman Sea to New Zealand. For years, when I had spoken to people who had been to Australia and New Zealand, I would ask, "Which did you prefer?" and without a doubt, they always said, "New Zealand." For me, Australia has always been where I wanted to explore but now having gone to New Zealand, I understand what they all meant. The place is stunning. Every time that you turn a corner, there is another picture perfect shot. The green is greener than I had ever seen, the blue bluer, the mountains higher. It really is an amazing place. I arrived in Christchurch and spent a very cold night there before taking, what was supposed to be a quick flight, down to Queenstown in the middle of the Southern Alps. However, after a two hour airport delay and 20 minutes on the flight, an announcement was made that we would have to fly to Dunedin instead due to a snowstorm in Queenstown. Some people were ticked off but for me, it was a free tour. We landed in Dunedin and then took a four hour bus ride to Queenstown. The ride went through some very remote mountain roads but the scenery was worth it all. After arriving in Queenstown, I explored the town and nearly froze. It is a quaint, little town surrounded by the Remarkable Mountains and on the edge of Lake Wakatipu. On Sunday morning, I took a tour to Milford Sound. We encountered a random snowstorm, so like the toddler that I am, I jumped off of the bus and wanted to have a snowball fight. Upon arriving to Milford Sound, I took a boat tour and we were surrounded by a pod of dolphins at the beginning of the journey. They jumped along in the wake of the boat and added to the views that were too much to take in because everything was eye catching. There was something amazing around each and every turn. After the tour ended, it was back to Queenstown and the following morning, I went to the top of a mountain and got a full, aerial view of the town. I feel like my photos look like I was photoshopped into some crazy scene because it is that surreal there. I have never seen a place that was so picturesque. After Queenstown, a short mid-day flight lead me back to Christchurch and I ventured through the Botanical Gardens and the Canterbury Museum, which is a nice, little place that tells the story of early settlement in New Zealand. Then, it was off to bed and prepping for a 6am flight back to Sydney and then straight to work because I am a champion. I have to say, Australia is still my favorite for sentimental reasons but New Zealand is a must see place for anyone that wants to be charmed by awesome scenery and friendly people.

"...in my head, I replay our conversations, over and over til they feel like hallucinations, you know me, I love to lose my mind..."

2009-10-07T21:34:00.003+11:00

So, today is my birthday. I have to say that I am not a fan of birthdays but I decided to conquer that this year. I have had the most normal day possible but it is exactly how I like it. No cake, no song and dance, nothing. I went to work and had a good day. Some co-workers took me to lunch and forced me to use chopsticks, which worked out better than I had anticipated and only left one, small stain on my shirt. After work, I went to the grocery store, did my laundry, and downloaded SURVIVOR. Not one sad moment, so mission accomplished. As my birthday gifts to myself, I bought myself a trip to New Zealand, which I went on this past weekend and will have a video and photos up soon, and I bought a trip to Vanuatu and I leave next Thursday. New Zealand was amazing but I am saving all of the details for a separate blog post. To everyone who sent me birthday wishes, thank you very much. I appreciate the thought. And to my Mom, whose birthday is the 8th and had the pleasure of going through 20+ hours of labor just to give birth to me, I love you and Happy Birthday!

"...I travel 'round the world and even sail the seven seas, across the universe I go to other galaxies..."

2009-10-01T23:11:00.004+10:00

Whooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaa. This has been a long, two weeks. I have been stressed and all over the place emotionally but I am back, kids. Don't worry. The news from home ended up being good news and I was relieved. I was ready to pack up my stuff and go back home. But, alas, I remain in Aussieland until tomorrow night when I trek off to New Zealand for the long weekend. I am excited. I have never been and I am going to go to Queenstown and take a tour to Milford Sound. Some people may go to Queenstown and partake in the bungee jumping, sky diving, and high adrenaline sports. Me? I want to take a nap and tour the landscape. See, I am a rebel. I could easily bungee jump off of the second largest bungee in the world but I will save that for people who need to prove themselves. In other words, there is not a chance on this planet that I am jumping out of anything. Now that I received good news from home, I can rest a little bit and enjoy. After New Zealand, I will go to Vanuatu on the 15th for 7 days. That should be nice too. For people at home, I realize that it looks like I am having a great adventure everyday and, I am, but I also work a full time, full on job. So, Vanuatu will be my first, extensive vacation since coming to Sydney. I am ready for the break. Ok, now it is time for one more sleep, 6 hours of work, and then off to the land of Kiwis, where it is apparently freezing cold.

"...I feel stressed out, I wanna let it go, let's go way out spaced out and losing all control..."

2009-09-20T12:43:00.001+10:00

Within the past week, I have found out some potential news that could cut my time here in Australia short. I won't go into it much but if I have to go, I will go. I will walk away with no doubt and no regret. I won't be sad, frustrated, or annoyed because it just means that I have a new reality. I can't dwell or ponder but simply hope for the best. Someone recently said to me about when life throws a problem your way that you are supposed to pray, hope, and not worry. It is good advice. My time in Australia has taught me that we have zero control over what life hands us. We only have control over how we respond to those events. We give up, we stay still, or we move forward, stronger than before. If I have learned one thing through being here, it is that no situation is too great to overcome. We only fail when we allow ourselves to collapse and give up. Giving up is not an option when there is something that has to be done. When I think back on the time I have spent here in Australia, I have had a ton of curve balls thrown my way. Things have happened that have tested me as a person, someone who used to be filled with anxiety and stress and I have been humbled. Things will never faze me again as they once would have. So, if I leave soon, I leave knowing that I have had an experience that can't be replaced and I will not regret having come here. The video at the top of this post sums up the adventure that has been Australia. Within the next week or so, I will know my next step and whichever way I must go, I am ready.

"...I don't want to spend my life jaded, waiting to wake up one day and find that I let all these years go by, wasted..."

2009-09-06T20:42:00.004+10:00

Tonight, the wind is whipping and apparently the Aussie Spring is upon us. In Australia, the seasons start on the first of the month whereas ours begins on the 21st or the equinox. I don't get it but I am too tired to question it. I went today to the Sydney Fish Market and it was interesting. A long walk to get there but I had lunch and it was nice. After that, I mosied on down to Circular Quay and sat in the grass like an old Pee-Paw because I was tired. For the past couple of weeks, work has been demanding. I like being busy, so no complaints but I needed a restful weekend. I've booked myself a trip to New Zealand and I am super excited. I will go on the New South Wales Labor Day weekend, which is October 2nd-5th. I fly into Christchurch and then from there, I will take an additional flight down to Queenstown because everyone has said that that is the place to see. I was walking to get lunch the other day at work and I had the thought about how I finally feel so much better about life. It just took me making an effort to get "un-stuck" and now the opportunities and options seem limitless. I waver, of course, because it is human nature but I can't believe how much I have seen and overcome in such a short time. I know that there is even more to come and I am ready for the adventure.

"...you're in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort here..."

2009-08-27T20:20:00.006+10:00

On Wednesday morning, my Mom called to tell me that her sister, my Aunt Ruby, had been found dead in her home. I felt like my chest had been punched. The air sucked from my lungs. My Aunt estranged herself from the family for reasons unknown to me a few years ago but she worked in a retail store and sometimes, I would be in the store and see her from the distance. I would wonder why she didn't want to talk to anyone anymore. Why she pushed away a unit of people who cared for her. I never would go up and speak to her because I was afraid that she would be rude or mean and that fear of rejection was greater than the chance of reconciliation. As the time went on, I didn't think of her often but I would dream about her. She would pop up in random dreams and I always thought that it was a sign to reach out to her. A part of me knows that in her self imposed isolation, she didn't find the happiness for which she longed. I can only hope that in death, she has found peace. Her memorial is on Sunday and I won't be home for it. So, to my Aunt Ruby, I remember that you made really bad sweet tea but I would drink it to be nice. I remember when you worked at the fabric store and my brother, your son, and I would run around and play in the aisles when my Mom visited you at work. I remember that you could sew and create and make anything. I remember that you were loved and I wish you had too. Aunt Ruby, your journey here on Earth is done and wherever you are, I hope that you are there with Papa and you are happy. Love, Edmund.

"...sittin' in the morning sun, I'll be sittin' when the evenin' come, watching the ships roll in, and then I'll watch 'em roll away again..."

2009-08-18T21:01:00.013+10:00

This past weekend, I had a whirlwind trip to the far north of Queensland to the town of Cairns. Cairns is the jumping off point to the Great Barrier Reef and the town is beautiful. It is nestled between the mountains and the sea, with a climate much like that of Florida. I made my way up to Cairns because four years ago when I fulfilled my dream of visiting Australia, I went there and on my way to the Reef, I became seasick and ruined the experience. This time, I was determined to change that! On Saturday morning, I headed out to the Reef and took plenty of ginger tablets to avoid the seasickness and it appeared to be working. We make it out to the Reef and they give me my "I'm too sexy" wetsuit and apparently, I am in between wetsuit sizes, so a 5 is too big and a 4 is too small. However, when it comes to wetsuits, you go with the small because water seeping in can mess up the fun. Anyways, I jump in the water and the adventure begins. Tons of fish, coral, and deep, blue water. Because I am a genius, I decided to swim down to the sand and touch it. It was about 15 feet deep. So, I hold my breath and swim down. Right as I get down, I realize that my asthmatic, baby lungs can not handle the pressure but I was determined. So, I grab the sand like a champion and then swim up quick to avoid the on-set of a self inflicted seizure. I make it to the top and can barely breathe, so I unzip my "corset of pain" (aka wetsuit) and jump on the boat. The rocking boat, lack of oxygen, and rib crushing suit led to one thing...that's right, vomit. Ok, so I am two for two. Two trips, two sicks! Luckily though, as soon as I threw up, I was 100% ok. We took the boat to another spot on the Reef and I took a submarine tour and swam way too far away from the boat for my liking, in hindsight, of course and swam over the most amazing piece of Reef. It was full of so many random, colorful fish. It was a great day! I forgot to mention that I also caused a rip in the back of my wetsuit. Too many trips to McDonald's has done me in. On Saturday night, we went out on the town and I was too tired to pay too much attention but one crazy event did happen. Here is the short version. Went into McDonald's, crazy lady randomly comes out of nowhere and joins me at my table, crazy lady grabs one of my friends and tries to kiss her, crazy lady tells me that the government is after her, crazy lady makes weird references to body parts, I get up to leave, and crazy lady screams and pulls up her shirt for the whole of McDonald's to see. No lie. There are witnesses! Enough of that. On Sunday, I went to a place called Green Island which is closer to the land but still a part of the Reef system and did some snorkeling there. At points the water was so shallow that you had to carefully swim over the Reef or risked being cut by the coral. Also, as a side note, when putting on flippers in shallow water, if you go to fall try not to land on a set of underwater rocks or else your hand will get cut and then people will freak out because you are bleeding in water in Australia. All in all, this weekend was amazing. It was a nice break from the chilly weather in Sydney and a great opportunity for the rare chance to see somewhere like the Great Barrier Reef for a second time.

(The Reef from Green Island pier)

(Wally, the giant fish that let everyone pet him in the middle of the Ocean)

(Liverpool versus Florida - who will win?)

(An island view)

(Land Ho!)

"...sending positivity, crossed the globe and seven seas..."

2009-08-06T21:41:00.005+10:00

This week I had a realization and it made me feel kind of weird. I have had to travel to the other side of the world and leave behind my "normal" life in order to feel some sort of happiness that I never allowed myself to feel before. I know that it sounds strange and I don't mean it in a bad way but I never relaxed at home. I worked two jobs and went to the gym six days a week and was busy and bored all at the same time. I stressed about money, I stressed about being responsible and doing what was right and I have let my guard down a little. When people ask me to go somewhere, I go. For "normal" people this may make no sense but for me, it is all a learning and growing experience. I came here for this and to push myself to a new level. I guess that I had to prove to me that I could go somewhere far from everything that I knew and make it and I have. I'm not being boastful, it is just how I feel at this moment. I have dreamed of coming and living in Australia since I can remember and to be in the midst of it is surreal, unreal, and everything in between. If I walk away from this experience with one thing, it is patience and the ability to take a look at a situation and realize that nothing is unattainable as long as you remain diligent and focused. Last year, at this time, was a low point in life for me and my entire family and to be here one year later seems amazing. I am trying to track this journey as much as possible because never in life do I want to be sitting down and feeling sorry for myself because I did this and I made this happen on my own. I read an interesting article today in a magazine and it said about how when life gets us down, we can focus on the negative or aim for the positive and the hope that comes with it. I never subscribed to that kind of logic but maybe that is what has kept me down. No more and I have to stick to it. It seems like so many people that I know or so many people in my family do not realize the potential that they have and that has been a huge fear of mine. Not realizing that there is more to life than just the hum drum of everyday. I remember in high school people were talking about what they wanted to be or do and I had two thoughts in my head 1.) to live and work in Australia and 2.) to not lead a mediocre life. I have #1 down. Let's see how the rest goes...

(Finally, I am the wierdo on the train for once!)

(Trains like to make me wait!)

"...everyone taking control of me, seems that the world's got a role for me..."

2009-07-23T22:08:00.008+10:00

Today, someone that I know was having a hard time with being here in Australia and away from home and everything safe and it made me think. Nothing worth doing is easy. If I came here and everyday was amazing than this experience wouldn’t make me grow. So, with each challenge or random asthma attack, it just makes me a more well-rounded individual and for that, I have to be grateful. This past week, work made me crazy, some new friends had to say goodbye, and I went on a whale watching tour. Firstly, never eat Chinese food and ice cream and then hop in a small boat and go watch whales on the mighty Pacific Ocean. It will never be ok. Ever. Secondly, the whales on my tour must have taken a Xanax before I got there because they barely lifted their whale asses out of the water. I was a bit disappointed. Technically, I saw them but they didn’t frolic in the sea and then jump over a large mound of rocks like “Free Willy” did. Disappointing. My adventurous story for this week comes from my train ride home from work today. I get on the train and grab a seat and beside me is a drunk, Aboriginal man. He looks at me and says, “I am a funny man. Don’t be scared of the dark!” and then laughs. He then yells out, “My name is Allah!” I look away and mind my own business as he stammers along about how he needs a lady and then I see water dripping down the seat. I go to move and then look up and see that that water is dripping from the old man’s genital region! He pissed himself on the train beside me! I jumped like a cat. I don’t know that I have ever moved that fast in my life. What the hell is wrong with me? These random people find me! Or, do I find them? I have always had crazy people do random stuff in front of me. It is my curse or, is it my blessing? So, let’s recap, in the past week an Aboriginal has nearly pissed on me, a girl threw gum and hit me in the face, a drunk Irish guy pulled a chair up at my table and vomited on himself, and I got the Swine flu. Welcome to my Australian life!

(Sailboat Cruising through the Ocean)

(Me - trying not to get seasick!)

(A Whale Tail!)

"...And I know just why you could not come along with me, 'cause this was not your dream, but you always believed in me..."

2009-07-12T12:47:00.000+10:00

So, this is going to be a random one. This week has been a roller coaster for me. Firstly, I finally started feeling better after my dance off with the Swine Flu. Like most dance offs, I ended up the loser. Now, get this. At my new job, I was discussing with a co-worker about how some people that I formerly had worked with were diagnosed with swine flu. Well, this nosy heifer overheard my conversation and calls the HR department and turns me in! Next thing that I know, someone is over telling me that I have to leave the office until I come back with an official note saying that I am all clear and healthy. I go to the doctor's office and he says, "you don't even have a fever, if you were contagious it would have been last week and they would have already been exposed!" I told him that I knew that but that they were insistent. So, he gives me a note and off to work I go. I get back and no one even mentions it again! No one saw the note, nothing! I was livid! I had to spend $91 bucks for a note from some random doctor! I wanted to kick that nosy cow in her forehead. After that, I had to go to the pharmacy to get my asthma inhaler and out of nowhere, this man is yelling at the pharmacist, "My wife has a rash on her vagina! She needs some cream!" I look around thinking what the F is going on and then he yells, "Yes. A rash on her vagina, her outer vagina. What is it called again? Oh yeah, her major labia!" The pharmacy was packed full of people and he is screaming about his wife's rashy business! What is wrong with people?!?! And then tonight, I was on the train coming back home and it was packed full of drunkies and this girl pulls a piece of gum out of her mouth and goes to throw it at her friend's head and it hits me. Randomly, the used piece of 'effin bubble gum hits me! Luckily, the world has already broken my spirit enough, so I didn't feel the need to karate chop her in her esophagus. Again, I just keep on going! On a different note and this will not make my Mom happy to read this, but ever since I have been here, I have had small bouts with home sickness. Nothing major because I prepped myself that coming here meant sacrifices and you just deal with it. But this week has been a little rough. It is only in the early morning when I am first at work but I just feel sick, like I need to be home immediately. I think that it has a lot to do with the fact that my internet capabilities are not like they once were and I can't use Skype with them regularly. Talking on the phone is one thing but seeing people over the computer is another. It helps a lot. But, I am here and I do like it here and everyday is an adventure going down as a part of my life story.

"...when you came in, the air went out, and every shadow filled up with doubt..."

2009-07-05T19:07:00.000+10:00

I have moved to Bondi and it is a beautiful area. Near the beach, the city, the trains, everything. However, almost simultaneously, I also was hit with a bad illness. I have no idea what happened but I had pains that I didn't even know were possible. I had a severe pain in my lower back, so much so that I couldn't even lie on the bed because the pressure was killing me. It was coupled with a high fever and cough. The day that it struck, I knew I was feeling weird but didn't know how bad it was going to get. I know throughout my time here in Australia, I have walked the line between health and illness but this time took the cake. I still have the cough 8 days later but I am much better and will not complain about that. I am glad to be on the other side of this craziness. In other crazy news, can you believe that Michael Jackson died? I have to tell you, the day that I heard, I was not at all affected or shocked. He has been ill for a while and he is a celebrity and not someone that I know personally, so I went about my business. But last night, at a 4th of July themed party, the DJ started playing "Man in the Mirror" and I got a little sad. Everyone has some MJ memory and we all know his music and it is kind of sad to think that his life just ended. More so, no matter what he has done or what we think of him, he has three little kids, who have no one else to go to and that is sad. Moving on, since I have moved to Bondi, I do not have to ride the train as much and I miss out on a lot of the freaks that roam the trains. Part of me misses those moments because they made for interesting nights and stories. Ok, well 6am comes early and I started a new job. I know, I know. Jobs all the time. But, this is a good company and the location is right on the harbor. My view each day is of the Darling Harbour and the boats coming in and out of it on the way to the Pacific. Not a bad deal but it has caused a weird sense of fear and trepidation inside of me because the scenery is beautiful but an office, is an office. It made me feel sick like I was back at LOMA trapped in a cubicle prison. I wonder if people always feel this way. That, at some point, we just learn to quit fighting it and go with the flow. I don't know but it has conjured up some weird sentiments inside of me and how I do not want to be relegated to a cubicle for my life. I don't know. I have to think outside of the box a bit because I just don't think I can do it forever.

"...oh yeah, the grass is green but I think I stained my jeans and now everybody knows that I've been in it..."

2009-06-18T13:56:00.005+10:00

The worst part and the best part about being here are the people that I meet. The great part is meeting so many people from so many places and forging bonds and friendships. The down part is that nobody is a long termer because everyone moves on or goes to a different place. It is the nature of the beast in a situation like this. Having said that, I am now the one who is moving on. As of Saturday, I will officially be living in Bondi. Far away from the suburbs of my current Beecroft home. I have to admit that it feels a bit weird. I have become used to my abnormally long train ride to anywhere and especially to the family that lives here. They have made Aussie life a complete breeze when it comes to certain worries and I appreciate it. I will definitely keep in touch with them and hopefully visit for dinner often. Real often! With my new job and the back and forth of moving, I have been really spread thin lately. I feel chaotic inside and I don't like it. So, I will be happy to settle in to the new place and just breathe for a minute. Seems like everything and nothing hit me all at once. Story of my life, I guess. It is so funny how being here, away from anything that is normal, just strips you down. Nothing is familiar, nothing is assured, everything is up in the air at any moment. This is a huge test in perseverance and want. Sometimes, I will think about Atlanta and how every moment of my day was timed to the minute and I was miserable and then now, I wish I had a little more structure. I guess it is all about the balance. I'm not complaining though. I'm just saying how it feels.

"...I'll look at the sun and I'll look in the mirror, I'm on the right track, yeah I'm on to a winner..."

2009-06-08T21:35:00.006+10:00

Here is a story, Vegemite is NOT alright! I had my first dose of the poison this weekend and I can tell you that unless you enjoy sitting around and chewing on feet, you will not be ok with this stuff. At first bite, I thought, "Awww, this is ok" but before I even got to the "ok" bit my taste buds rejected that @*%. They said, "Hellllll NO!" I have been apologizing to them all day for my indiscretions. So, this weekend was a long one in Australia. Monday was a public holiday to represent the Queen's birthday which isn't even in June, so go figure. Either way, myself and ten others trekked up to the Blue Mountains, and by trekked I mean in heated cars with ample snacks. We rented an awesome cabin that overlooked the mountains that set the stage for a country, honky tonk adventure. First things first, for those of you who don't know, Australia is cold. Way colder than I could have ever imagined! I have a thin jacket and a layer of fat and that is what keeps me warm. On Saturday, I woke up to see the view from the cabin and it was amazing. I almost risked frost bite just to keep looking out at the endless green trees and mist rising from below but alas, my toes remain intact. After we had some breakfast, we all went for a hike and took a sky tram over the forest. It was great. The sky tram had a glass floor, so I could see the land way below me. It was like two phobias and panic attacks in one. Claustrophobically riding in an enclosed tram while trying to keep your fear of heights in check so that you don't lose your street cred in public. Hard work, I tell you. On Sunday, we explored to Jenolan caves, the oldest in the world apparently. The group managed to offend some parents of small children while we were on a tour but you know what, kids are going to have to find out one day that Santa isn't real, so we just beat them to the punch. And to be honest, I don't think that there is a better place to say that you lost your childhood innocence and wonder than in the world's oldest cave system. Monday had us waking up to pack up our gear and bid the cabin adieu. We drove down to Wentworth Falls and hiked down to see the waterfall. It was freezing cold with lots of wind, so naturally my asthma had to come in and ruin the party. I laid down on a bench and flopped around like a fish out of water for a minute but I recouped and here I am to write another nonsensical blog rant. With all of that said, it was a good weekend and I thoroughly recommend to anyone who visits Sydney to at least take a day trip to the Blue Mountains. It gives a different perspective to life and sometimes it is good to breath in the fresh air and just sit back and take in the sights.

(Time to ponder. McDonalds or KFC?)

(Vegemite is NOT alright!)

(Look before you leap!)

"...a good boy, but good don't get attention, one kid with a promise, the brightest kid in school, he's not a fool..."

2009-05-28T14:58:00.005+10:00

Ok, so one serious issue and then the light-hearted stuff. First of all, I just got a call that I have had my identity stolen. Now, I get it. Most people want to be me but I would appreciate it if those people did not run up almost $10,000 worth of debt on a credit card with my name! My whole life, I have been financial responsible and in one instance, some bastard in Decatur, Georgia has tainted it. I have called all my credit cards, put a warning on my credit reports, and will call the Credit Bureau when they open in the morning. So, if anyone has experience with this, please contact me and give me some tips! Ok, now on the to awkward sex chat that took place at the dinner table. So, the 11 year old daughter of the family that I live with was at the kitchen table with her Mom, and I joined them to eat my dinner. Out of nowhere, the little girl goes, "Mom, what's a blow job?". At that point, I died a little on the inside. The Mom tip toes around the subject, so the little girl changes questions and then asks about sex. So, the Mom gives a nice explanation but this little girl wasn't having it. She wanted to know the down and dirty. So, she goes, "What is a (rhymes with HUNT)?" Again, a part of me died. This lead the mother, who by the way is Chinese and has great use of English but the slang words that she uses for genitals are awkward, to go off about how, and I quote, "A 'big willy' goes inside the girl's 'book' and meets the egg". WHAT!??!?!?! The little girl then ask, "Does sex hurt?" and the Mom says, "Only if you want it to!" AHHHHH!?!??!?! It then spiraled into a discussion on STD's and AIDS, etc. but the story got worse when the little girl said, "Mom, what other kinds of sex are there?" And I thought, "OHHHH HELL NO!" Then the Mom does a jerking motion with her hand and says, "Oh you know, the hand sex!" I said, "Uhhh, what?" She said, "In China, we call it 'shootin' the airplane'!" And I thought, "What the hell?! Are you a hi-jacker? Why are you shooting an airplane?!" So, she said to me, "What do Americans call it?" And I said, "Are you talking about a handjob?" And the little girl goes, "Oh, so like a handjob and a blowjob are like work?" I then had to exit. It was all too much. There were also many other really, surprisingly crude questions from the 11 year old but I can't bring myself to type it. I guess the Aussie kids are advanced with their questioning here.

"...'cause we got the beat that bounce, we got the beat that pound, we got the beat that 808, that the boom, boom in your town..."

2009-05-25T21:57:00.008+10:00

As most of you know, I quit my job a couple of weeks ago and it was the best decision that I could have made. While the job hunt is a pain, the level of relief that I have felt over the past couple of weeks has been great. I, kind of, feel like I wanted to feel here. A little less worrisome and having the time and ability to just relax. If relaxing is possible for me. The day after I quit my job, I actually interviewed for a new job and was hired but then for some freak of nature reason, they called and said that they were in a hiring freeze. I followed up last week and good news, I start tomorrow. Now, the job may be lame but I am taking it on and making it work. I will only be working part time, so that I can try and enjoy Australia more! The past couple of weeks, I have been working on a side project (work-related stuff) that will be revealed soon. I am excited about it and am grateful to have been brought on board. I think that it has great potential and I will be excited for everyone to take a look at it when it launches. I, also, have been going around and showing some new Americans in Sydney the town. Sue, Bryan, and Sarah all arrived within a week of each other and I had been helping them with tips about Sydney via Facebook, so it was good to meet up and tour the town together. Today, I explored the area of Sydney called Manly and it was nice. It was the first nice weather day in a week, so I wanted to make sure to get out and enjoy it. It is a laid back beach place on the North Shore of the city and you get there via a ferry, which was a bit rocky today and I felt the sea sickness coming but I maintained. Now, I am back at home and getting ready to fall asleep for my first day of work at the new job. I need to warn you that I may have a post about how I hate this job soon because that is how I like to do things.

(Me being a "rock" star - get it? "Rock star" - I'm on rocks - nevermind!)

(Taking the ferry back into the city!)

(Walkway to the water @ Manly Beach)

"...she believes that life is made up of all that you're used to, and the clock on the wall has been stuck at three for days and days..."

2009-05-16T04:29:00.007+10:00

Holy sweet baby Jesus. My whole life, I have suffered from insomnia but it just did the 1, 2 step all over my damn face tonight. I can not fall asleep. Not anywhere even close to falling asleep. I could run a marathon right now and then go save refugees being smuggled across a border somewhere. People always tell me that I shouldn't take pills in order to go to sleep. Well, that is why I don't listen to people! If I don't take something, I stay awake for days and days like a crackhead. Now, tomorrow is shot because I will be passed out like Amy Winehouse on a concert stage. True story. I made the above video under the influence of tired.

"...it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me, and I'm feeling good..."

2009-05-11T17:32:00.005+10:00

In Atlanta, I worked a lot. 2 jobs, 7 days a week. I would work and work and work and always felt like I was doing it for some reason. I would work to the point that I would sacrifice any sort of happiness because it was all about adding another dollar to the pile. So, when I came here, my goal was to change that and to find some semblance of happiness and I did, for a while. However, the job that I took has sucked any joy out of me that remained. I woke up this morning, wavering on what to do. Should I quit? Is that responsible? What about how my boss will feel? I was in a panic and broke out into a rash because I like to outwardly show my inner chaos! And then, like a ton of bricks, it hit me that the only choice was for me to quit, 100%. The decision was made easier when at work today, my boss discussed even more changes and basically, it comes down to me quitting first or being laid off due to the company closing. I like to be in control, so I am done. You know, I am grateful for the job, don't get me wrong but the hardest lesson in all of this is that I let myself fall into my old trap. I self sacrifice. I always take on unnecessary guilt for other people's issues and that is something that I am going to have to get over. So, I am back to being jobless in Australia. Now, don't get me wrong. I will have 850 panic attacks this week but not one of them will happen in that damn office! So, I profess that I am reclaiming the sense of fun that I came here to have and I need anyone that I know to keep me in check and make sure that I do so. This was a big thing for me to do but it had to be done! My Mom asked me what I was going to do tomorrow and I said, "I will wake up and look for a new job." and she told me to "shut up and have fun!" Oh, let's hope I can!

"...did I ask too much, more than a lot, you gave me nothing, now that's all I got..."

2009-05-01T22:46:00.001+10:00

In my life, I have known a lot of crazy but I have never known crazy like the crazy that is in my life right now. The above video will outline the awkwardness and chaos that has become a staple in my working life here in Australia. This week started off bad when on Sunday night I started running a fever and instantly diagnosed myself with the vicious swine flu. I went into full on hypochondriac mode. I thought, "I have swine flu. How did I get swine flu? Ok, on Saturday night, I had guacamole and guacamole is a Mexican dish, and swine flu started in Mexico, therefore I have swine flu!" It is like the 6 degrees of swine flu separation! I skipped out on work on Tuesday and took a rare, sick day because I just wasn't able to move out of bed. I lounged around the whole day and I think my body needed it because I have been on the upswing since then. When I went to the conference mentioned in the video, I had about 8 panic attacks and was walking down the street on my cell phone yelling the F word at anyone who would listen! My Mom remains proud. So, the job thing isn't working out and the days are numbered. I knew it would happen really but it is causing me to go into panic mode just a bit. It is a relief and a heartache all at once. From my short time there though, I have made some great friends with my co-workers, so if that is what I walk away with than it was worth it. Even though most days there, I have had to force myself from going into self-induced seizures.

"...now I've been running all my life, I ran away, I ran away from good..."

2009-04-23T17:21:00.001+10:00

In the middle of the city is where I sit. I love being in the middle of things. Sitting here as people rush by. The surge of importance and need to get somewhere. Sometimes I stop and think about how they all seem so busy and important and I want to catch just a bit of that feeling. The past couple of weeks have ushered in some new perspectives for me and thinking about how it is so weird and difficult to be on the other side of the world somedays. I always feel so tired. I am tired of having to take public transporation. I am tired of having to walk to and from work. I am tired of not having my bed or my food or a dryer to use. I have the worst luck when it comes to doing laundry. If I do laundry and then put it on the line to dry, Sydney will have four days of torrential downpour. It has yet to fail me that this happens. This week has been a complaining week for me. I have had migraines and it is getting cold and I don't like to shiver. Not that most people do, but I definitely do not. My complaining does not negate my gratitude for where I am though. I am just venting. With every sacrifice, a new journey is gained. So, I am ok. I am just worn out. My job wears me out but more mentally than physically. It is just so tough to keep up with the craziness of the place. Ideas change, focus is not a word that can be used to describe the place, and in the middle of it all, I am supposed to create some sense of order. Not very likely. With all that said though, my co-workers are great people and I am happy to work with them. They make for interesting days. As I write this blog, I am considering compiling my entries together and making this blog into a sort of "how to" book. A journey on how we all need to break free sometimes and give life a shot. Whatever we have wanted to do, now is our chance. Any thoughts? Any feedback? Email me or post a comment. Honest opinions are appreciated.

"...I've stuck around, through thick and through thin, you cannot deny, I've always been in..."

2009-04-14T20:49:00.010+10:00

Getting on that train and going to Melbourne was the best decision I have made in a long time. For the long Easter weekend, I went down to Melbourne and had just the experience that I needed. I rode the train through rural New South Wales and Victoria and arrived to Melbourne ten hours later. Throughout the night while on the train, the countryside was illuminated by a full moon and I could look out of the window and see sheep grazing and kangaroos hopping along. It was surreal. When I arrived to Melbourne, I set up shop in a nice, little area called St. Kilda. It is nestled right on Port Phillip Bay and is full of small shops and awesome restaurants. I took it easy on Friday night because I was still feeling a little ill from the week prior and I knew that Saturday was going to be eventful. All day Saturday, I went on a tour of The Great Ocean Road. It is a stretch of highway along the Victoria coast line that has you cruising along the Southern Ocean and stopping at some of the most amazing sites along the way. I toured a temperate rainforest, saw koalas eating high in the trees, and visited some iconic, natural wonders. I was able to see Loch Ard Gorge, The London Bridge, and the most amazing Twelve Apostles. I have had a calendar for years that features the Twelve Apostles and I always knew that I had to see them in person and it was well worth the wait. No material possession can ever match the awe that I felt in those moments. The air was crisp, the ocean roaring below, and these giant limestone pillars were rising out of the ocean. It was one of those moments where you have to take stock of your life and recognize that in that moment, you are blessed. Once the tour ended, we trekked back into Melbourne and it was time for sleep. On Easter, the day could not have been more perfect. I woke up and explored Melbourne city. It is such a unique place. There is art lining the streets, trams roaming in the middle of busy roads, and a laid back feeling that Sydney doesn't have. It was a breath of fresh air to see somewhere new and break out of good ole' Sydney for a bit. Exploring Melbourne was easy because the city is on a grid and there are so many places to just stop and stare that you can waste away the hours just walking around. For most of Monday, I toured more parts of the city and then caught the overnight train back into Sydney. People thought I was crazy for taking the train but I enjoyed it and look forward to doing it again. I never set any expectations on this trip but the overall experience was far greater than I had imagined. Now, I am back in Sydney and getting back into the hum-drum of the work week but completely grateful for the experience that I was able to have.

(Some of the Twelve Apostles)

(It was just standing there, waiting for me!)

(Taken down by a wave)

(Surfing the Yarra River in Melbourne)

"...I never thought that I, had any more to give, pushing me so far, here I am without you..."

2009-04-05T19:43:00.008+10:00

I woke up extra early today and decided to go down to the beach and do the "coastal walk". It is a couple of miles long and runs down the major beaches here in Sydney. Each time that I go on this walk, it makes me feel so grateful to be here. It is awesome. This past Thursday, I hit my three month mark in Sydney and it is hard to believe. This "pipe dream" became a reality and sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I can't believe that I took the steps to get here. Before I arrived, people would say how this was "brave" or "crazy" and I just felt like it was something that I had to do. Last week, I was waiting for the train and I realized that this was, in fact, "brave" and "crazy" all mixed into one. I guess that I had to prove to myself that I could do it and I have done it and I am proud. I don't overtly praise myself often but I have told people for my whole life that I would do this and here I am. My time here has been interesting and I can tell that I am becoming more and more acclimated to my new environment because some of my niceness is fading away. Each morning, when I catch the train for work, I have to plan and plot how I am going to find a seat. Riding a train at 7:30 in the morning for 30 minutes standing up is no fun! So, the other morning, I jump on the train, find a seat, and claim it. About three stops later, this woman hobbles onto the train in a foot cast and no one gets up to let her sit down. So, I am sitting there thinking and the "angel" on my one shoulder says to me, "Ok, let this poor woman have a seat. She has a broken foot and can't stand for the whole trip!" Then, the devil on the other shoulder says, "Hell no! You worked hard to find a seat on the train. She is the fool for hurting herself!" Ultimately and luckily, the decision was made for me when within the thirty seconds it took me to have that thought, some other kind soul let her sit. Whoooo, that was a close call. You don't understand those trains. You would have pondered your niceness, as well. I am off to Melbourne on Thursday and I bet it is going to be way colder than I imagined. Sydney has gotten a little nippy and Melbourne is going to be worse since it is further South!

(Took a break from the walk and sat on the cliffs)

(Lifeguard flags that are on every beach here in Australia)

"...I got something to tell you, I got something to say, I'm gonna put this dream in motion, never let nothing stand in my way..."

2009-03-28T22:07:00.004+11:00

Have you ever been "zen-ned"? Well, after this week, I can say that I have. I had the pleasure of experiencing someone "zen" a room. She wanted to make sure that the room had a sense of peace and was cleansed of any negativity that had existed in it previously. This process involved her going into each corner and chanting in a "shamanistic fashion", her words not mine. Anytime someone uses the word "shaman", you know stuff is going down. As I watched this happen, I was able to see someone cry, shake, chant, fake an orgasm, play a banjo, and get a triple-word score on Scrabble. Ok, only parts of those are true. She doesn't own a banjo. Anyways, it was an experience. Today, I enjoyed a Scavenger Hunt throughout Sydney. We had to try and ask children and old women to give us the "finger" for 3 points, have a dance-off in public for 4 points, and hunt down several iconic spots in Sydney. After all was said and done, we did really well and came in last place. That's right, last. Now, I want to say that I think some of the other contestant were on steroids and I thought that we would get bonus points for napping in a cab. Oh well, it was a good time. However, the most important thing this week, is that 1980's pop star extraordinaire Billy Ocean has crept into my life. For no apparent reason, his music has stalked me. I was at the pub on trivia night, who was with me? Billy Ocean. I was walking to work and a car drove past me, whose voice was blaring out of the windows? Mr. William (Atlantic, Pacific, Indian, Arctic) Ocean. It has been ridiculous. Below, I made a video of myself listening to and commenting on some of his greatest hits. I am sure you will enjoy it.

(Enjoy the Sounds of the Ocean)

(The Yellow Team - Slow and Steady loses the race!)

(Australia was started by convicts - it only seemed fitting)

"...so, close your eyes, escape this town for a little while..."

2009-03-22T20:59:00.000+11:00

The other day, I was watching a movie and there was a line in it that said, "In the end, the only thing that you really own is your story, I'm just trying to live a good one." A simple line but it kind of speaks volumes. No material possession will ever be worth more than the tales that you are able to share about your life. I just think that it is really important for you to go out and do something if you really want to do it. Coming to Australia was always something that sat within the pit of my stomach and I knew that my life would always feel lacking if I didn't come here. It wasn't an easy choice to hop an ocean and leave everything safe behind me but if I needed to move forward, I had to move on. I placed no expectations on this experience because I wanted to come with wide eyes and an open mind. I still don't know all the changes that have gone on within me because of this experience but I think that is something that will be learned in time. I will walk away and realize what I have learned as opposed to being in the moment and seeing it there. Over the past couple of weeks, I have felt myself slip into my old habits of anti-socialism and I am going to have to try and break that. It is so easy to just go home and feel comfortable but I need to force myself out there a bit. I did well when I first arrived but now that I have a structured work schedule, it makes me just want to fall in line and be super boring again. People always say, "We are all just a work in progress", but I wonder when that work is going to be complete. To me, the thing that moves me forward and holds me back at the same time, is the idea that there is always something more and always something missing. At what point does everything seem "right" or "ok"? I don't know that that exists and if it does, I feel like it would be fleeting. Again, time will tell.

(Walkway on Welham Street)

"...like any unchartered territory, I must seem greatly intriguing..."

2009-03-18T20:28:00.003+11:00

Sunday night, there I am sitting in my room. I'm watching a movie on my laptop and a noise beckons. I hear festivities occurring and I go out to see what is up. The people that I live with are having a party in the courtyard and at this point, they are full fledged drunks. At first, I was a bit offended by the fact that I was uninvited. So, I said, "Why didn't you guys tell me that you were having a party?" The response, "Ohh, because you are very arrogant!" I was confused. Luckily, I didn't get offended since none of the people that I live with are native English speakers and "arrogant" clearly was the wrong word. Cocky, condescending, elitist, sarcastic...sure but arrogant, no! Either way, we cleared the issue up and they asked me to sit and have a drink with them. Right at that moment, before a drop of liquid even made it into my glass, one of the Taiwanese girls who lives here just randomly began to throw up. Yes, I know that one of my more recent postings involved vomit, as well but hey, this is real talk. Australia makes people like to drink and drinking makes people like to get sick. I am just here to document it. So, she is getting sick and now lying in the grass. I go and get the Dad of the family whose house this is and ask him to help me get her in bed. So, we are trying to get her to bed but there is this guy here, who likes her and was planning to have a good night with her. If you know what I mean and I think you do. He kept insisting that we leave her alone that she will be alright. Maybe he found her dry heaving to be a turn on but nonetheless, we continued to pick her up and carry her to the room. He kept barking out things like, "She is ok! I will take care of her!" Then I had to finally chime in and say, "Listen, A-hole, if you mess with her now, it is called rape!" He didn't seemed phased by it. So, finally the Dad of the house told him to "F-off!" and he got the point. We get her to the room and she begins the typical "I am drunk and gonna cry and tell you that I am sorry for throwing up on your feet" chat. It was humorous for 5 minutes and then, I said forget this, I am going to bed. She woke up the next morning and apologized 18 times and it is all good now. So, that was the start of my week. The rest of the week has been going well. My new job is good and I really like my co-workers, which I think is key. I like being the "foreigner" because it gives me insight into the US and how others view it. I notice every, little difference. If someone says a word one way and I say it another or with the spelling of words. We spell so many words differently and I always have to pay attention to that. I, also, like to be ignorant and say that "I am AmeriCAN not AmeriCAN'T!" It does me no favors.

"...sometimes it seems, we'll touch that dream, but things come slow or not at all..."

2009-03-13T21:54:00.005+11:00

Every single morning, I wake up and the same thought is in my head, "I can't wait to take a nap!" Am I an eternal 4 year old who longs for his precious nap after snack time or am I my 89 year old Great-Grandfather who nods off while talking to you? Either way, naps make me happy and you needed to know that. I have to tell you, now that I have a job and a somewhat regular routine, I find myself getting caught in moments where I can't fathom that I am actually here. I really did say that I would come here and I did it. As lame as this may sound, it really proves that if you want to do something, you can do it. I am a firm believer that "sacrifice makes opportunity" and by that, I mean that there were several times in Atlanta when I could have done something besides work all the time but I always knew that I wanted to come and try living in Australia. So, I sacrificed certain things in order to gain a bigger reward for myself. I have come here and not had to use one dime of someone else's money and there is a great satisfaction in that. To know that I have done it on my own terms is great. While it may not be easy all of the time, it makes it satisfying on a different level than someone else who would have been handed this opportunity. With all of that said, today was a small wonder. I rode in a car today and for most of you, that isn't a big deal but for me, being "Mr. Public Transportation" for the last two months, it was an event. I rode with my co-workers to a meeting for work and we had to cross over the Sydney Harbour Bridge, which will never cease to amaze me, and we were doing so on the opposite side of the street. Riding in the car did make me miss my car, which is named Gertrude, and she is currently in her sunny, retirement village in Florida. For Easter, I am currently making plans to visit another Aussie city. We have a four day weekend here, so I want to make the best of it!

"...I know that I've got issues but you're pretty messed up too..."

2009-03-07T23:31:00.009+11:00

Here's an image for you. A toothless, drunk, aboriginal woman with a plethora of facial hair is put on a jumbo-tron tv screen over a crowd of thousands. She proceeds to yell and scream obscenities and then, wait for it, she lifts up her shirt to reveal her mammary glands. I call them mammary glands because at this point they were no longer breasts. They hung so low to the ground that I wondered if she had single handedly kept the children of Ethiopia fed. Welcome to Mardi Gras in Sydney! Here's the deal, nothing about this event was like Mardi Gras in the States except the name. There were no real floats, no beads, and definitely no candy or moon pies thrown at me. What I did see were several people with little clothing, a wide variety of he-shes, and Joan Rivers. Now, Joan Rivers was the Grand Marshall and she looked like an animatronic character at Disney. I would bet decent money that that woman has only about 3% of her original face left. The parade perplexed me because it was just groups of people walking past. Some were on make shift floats but nothing intricate or extreme like we would have. It also lasted way too long. At the one hour mark, it was wearing thin and at the three hour mark, I was done. One of the floats was about bondage because hey, some people like to have the piss beat out of them! The float had a naked man and woman being beaten by people in masks. Fun for the whole family! One of the more enchanting moments was when in the distance I saw a woman holding a sign that said "Girls Without Vaginas" and for about 15 seconds, I thought, "Wow, I wonder what happened to her vagina?" And then, some common sense came rushing in and I realized that she never had one! Silly me! The night only got better once I got on my train home and the guy in the row next to me decided to go into convulsions and begin projectile vomiting across the train. He was making noises as if someone were performing an exorcism on him. It was disgusting. Ultimately, however, Australia is all about experiences and forcing myself to see some new things and well, I have. Now, I need to go shower and pray. Twice.

(In the middle of the crowd)

(People lined up along the parade route)

"...the early morning, the city breaks, and I've been calling for years and years and years and years..."

2009-03-02T21:27:00.009+11:00

Within the past two months, Australians have beaten out Americans as the fattest people on the planet! Damn it, I hate when we lose. Therefore, I need someone to send me a box full of Fun-yuns, Dr. Pepper, and donuts with sprinkles on them. Why sprinkles? Because I like sprinkles. What? Don’t you judge me. If you put sprinkles on ice cream, my world suddenly becomes filled with happiness and joy for no apparent reason. That’s a true story. Ok, on to other news. Today was my first Monday at the new job. I started last week but this week will make the first full week and I am so excited to have a job. I know for many of you that sounds lame but I like to work and this place seems like it will allow me to work hard and really do something. So far, so good. Right now, in my head, I am now trying to plan my first Aussie vacation. I know, I know. You are thinking, "This S.O.B. has been on vacation for two months now!" Technically, true but I was looking for a job that whole time and finally getting one, makes me need a weekend away! Where should I go? Tasmania, Perth, or Melbourne? Those are my first three picks! This past weekend, I went out with some of the people that I live with and none of them are native English speakers and we went to a Japanese restaurant where the servers were, of course, non-native English speakers and it was a comedy of errors. My head hurt so badly from translating English to English. After dinner, we went to a pub and let's just say that that was too odd for me. Watching people from Taiwan dance to Ludacris and trying to rap and then giggling incessantly. Awkward! I, also, love that when you don't speak a language natively, cuss words have no meaning to you. So, these people drop the F-bomb like it is nobody's business. It is always like this "Hi, Edamun, ware da F*#@ is da bafroom?" Also, WAIT...this is truly priceless, one of the kids who lives in this house is from China and he sometimes stands on the toilet to urinate. Yes, that's right, I said it. He stands on the seat and aims down. One day the bathroom looked like a can of Mountain Dew had exploded in it. Graphic, I know but we all need to learn from it. And scene.

(I really did just randomly stumble upon it)

(Queen Victoria Building in downtown Sydney)

"...so live your life, no tellin' where it'll take ya, just live your life..."

2009-02-26T17:39:00.024+11:00

It happened. It was only a matter of time. On the first day of my seventh week here in Australia, I went ahead and did it. I started a J-O-B! That's right! Finally. I have been on the job hunt for a long time and it finally came to fruition and I am so happy to feel purposeful again. I know that some of you thought that I was going to hop the next plane to the Outback and take a job there but I just couldn't do it. Sydney is a great city and I ultimately thought to myself, If I were at home and someone said, "Hey, do you want to go live at the Grand Canyon for six months?" I would say hell no! The new job seems like a good place that will allow for a lot of creativity and dealing with some unique people. I am excited. More details to come on that as I learn and do more on the job front. In other news, with all great adventures, things have to change and people leave. Every single one of the good ole' English kids that I have met have moved on. Whether it be back to the UK or up to Queensland, I am now by my lonesome without the constant sound of an accent that I have thoroughly enjoyed butchering. They have been great sports and the next time that I end up in the UK, I have tons of people to call up and not understand on the phone. Last night, a few of us went to the Sydney Tower. It is kind of like the Space Needle in Seattle or the CN Tower in Toronto. We went to the top and there are 360 degree views of the city and surrounding areas. It is so neat to see Sydney because it is surrounded by water and the harbour is amazing. Just to look out and take it all in is an event in itself. A great experience. I can not believe that I have been here for 7 weeks. My frame of mind is jaded because it seems like everything and nothing has happened all at the same time. It is weird to look around at my surroundings and the people that I have met and to think that 7 weeks ago, none of this existed in my world yet because of it, I am forever changed. A bit of deep thinking, I realize but noteworthy nonetheless. Well with that, it is only fitting that the initial group of people that I have met here have moved on because my life functions best in chapters and now, having started a new job, a new chapter has begun. Let's see where it leads me next!

(Me keeping English kids from falling out of the Sydney Tower.)

(You'd be surprised how popular I am in the UK!)

(5 Brits and a Yank!)

(Looking down from atop the Sydney Tower.)

"...oh, taking your advice and I'm looking on the bright side and balancing out the whole thing..."

2009-02-22T20:27:00.010+11:00

I am almost completely deaf in my right ear and have been for four days now. It is weird. I get these weird ear infections and my ear stays clogged for days and then magically, it will open back up. Every time I have to speak to someone, I have to lean in like a Grandpa and say, "Huh?" I am sure most people find it endearing. With that said, today I have had the most worthless day in years and it was great. I woke up, had some food, took a nap, watched SURVIVOR, had more food, and now I will be getting online and job hunting. This weekend, I had an interview with a resort in Ayer's Rock, which I recommend that you look up if you do not know what it is. It is basically this big rock in the middle of the Outback but people pour in to see it because it is awesome. I will have a follow up interview sometime this coming week and to be honest, if they give me the go-ahead, I may hop a flight and give it a try. Since before I arrived in Sydney, I have been on the "professional" job hunt. No one could foresee that the global economy would go crazy and maybe this is all part of my adventure. I need to get out and do something that I would not have normally done. Living and working in the Outback may just be it. Sydney is an amazing city and ultimately, it is where I wanted to base myself and live during my time in Australia but if it isn't working than I can't force it to work. If Sydney loves me it must set me free. So, we will see how it all goes. Also, if you have ever been in a situation when you are around a lot of people that have different accents, you will notice how inadvertently you start to mimic the accent or pick up the phrases. I have been hanging around quite a few English people and now when someone says "taking the piss", I do not think that they have to urinate, rather I realize that they are just making fun of a situation. Or, when someone says, "Oh, she is pissed!" I naturally think that she is angry but in all actuality, she is drunk. However, if she is "pissed off" than we are all in agreement with what emotion she is experiencing! I will change what I would say in a sentence since they don't understand the slang word that I may use. So, if something is "shady" or "sketchy", I would now have to say "dodgy". Sometimes now, when I see signs and the words appear to be spelled differently, I have to think, "Ok, how do we spell it or is that how we spell but I just can't remember?" I really love when Americans are at McDonald's and we ask for a "Fish Fillet" sandwich because we pronounce the word "fillet" in the French way [feel-a], whereas here, they say [feel-it]. These little differences are great because each day, you run across something that is new. So, it keeps you on your toes! Plus, I really like being the only American around a group of people sometimes because it gives you real perspective on how people view you. It is especially interesting when it is people from a society that is very similar, like the UK or Australia. We are all so similar but where there are differences it is amazing to see and hear them. Ok - so tomorrow is Monday and I am hoping that I get a call from a job somewhere. I have tried really hard and will continue to do so but there will be a great satisfaction if some place just calls and says to come on and get started. One of my favorite, former co-workers sent me an email with this statement and she hit the nail on the head; "You always seem to want to set your life up like you are playing dominoes - one after the other, in a row so you can see where each may lead and fall but it seems life is forcing you to put on a blindfold and walk - not knowing what will happen next or where it will lead." I think I may just be ready to take the walk and find out what chapter in life is next.

"...I remember when, I remember, I remember, when I lost my mind..."

2009-02-18T18:20:00.007+11:00

What the F! What the F, I say. I'm going to be honest, I may have just officially lost my mind right this moment. Literally, within 2 minutes of each other, I received rejection phone calls from two jobs. Now, I can handle rejection. Look at my face and tell me that that is a face that has never met rejection! Oh, rejection and I have been best friends since 6th grade. Anyways, the two jobs both rejected me because they said that they employed Australians who are looking for work. Which I can appreciate and respect, I know it is a tough time but come the F on?! Why did you allow me to interview and waste my precious, precious time that I could have been napping or crying in the shower?! It is funny when I get rejected because now it is just expected. It is my thing. Next time that I am in an interview and someone says, "What are your hobbies?" I am going to say, "Watching reality television, traveling around the world aimlessly, and being rejected!" Even SURVIVOR has rejected me! Come on, I have applied seven times, can't Jeff Probst or Mark Burnett just pick me?! I am willing to live in the middle of nowhere and starve! Sadly, based on current events, that may be my reality all too soon! With that said, I have been thinking of some alternative plans and would appreciate some feedback. So, I have come here to find a real, professional, international job. Well, listen...that business a'int happening so far! Therefore, I am considering looking into getting a job at some far-flung Outback resort and living the crazy life for a little while. You know, just me, a didgeridoo and eighteen koalas singing "We Are The World". It could be fun?! So, leave a comment and tell me your thoughts. How would you assess this situation? Wait it out a bit longer, and if so, how much longer or just peace on up out this place and head for the Outback?

(This is why I need a job. Spare time is no good for me!)

(I'll be Hootie, you be the Blowfish?)

"...it doesn't mean much, it doesn't mean anything at all, the life I've left behind me, is a cold room..."

2009-02-15T23:22:00.010+11:00

You know, life is never what we expect it to be, is it? For better or for worse, there are always twists and turns along the way. Now, in coming to Australia, I made plans. I had interviews set up, I had an apartment mapped out, and much more and none of those initial plans panned out. Why they didn't happen, I don't know but I took it all in stride. I reassessed the situation and moved on. Now, I am here five weeks and still in the same boat. I have had interviews and I am waiting for word on several of them but my patience is wearing thin. The one good thing that I will take away from this experience, maybe even the first lesson is to stop planning so much. There we have it, I have learned my first lesson. Lesson One: Life will always pan out as life wants and not as you want. My whole life, I feel like I have made plans and very rarely do they go as planned. So, I am going to take a step back and still be prepared but less reliant on a plan that may never come to fruition. Along with my desire to plan everything, I very rarely live "in the moment". So, that is something that I need to take on too. Gradually, over the years, I have gotten much better but there will always be room for improvement. On a somewhat similar note, I was speaking with some new friends here who are from the UK and one of them said, "Americans work quite a lot and don't really take time out for fun, do they?" And even though we all know this to be true for some reason, hearing it from someone else hit home hard. Why the hell do we work ourselves into oblivion? Is it to buy all these fancy things that we don't need or is it just cultural? I am not materialistic and I don't own any fancy gadgets or anything over the top but I worked seven days a week. Why? I don't know. It just seemed like my self worth was wrapped up in making sure that I had a decent amount of cash coming in at all times. I felt like my day was worthless if I hadn't earned money in it. That is why, as I sit here and do not have a job, I feel completely worthless and I know that I am not but that is how I feel. I can't allow myself to have a really good time because I am devaluing myself due to my lack of work and that is bad. Ok, it is a two for one special tonight, kids. Lesson Two: I am not the things I possess or the job I have. An easy thing to say but a hard concept to follow. I realize that none of these lessons are groundbreaking but for me, it is a part of this process and why I came here. I am here to learn. Now with all that moaning and groaning about my life, I feel the need to recognize how lucky I am, as well and I do, so don't get me wrong. It is just when something is in your own head, it can take precedence. With that said, the bush fires are still bad here and these pictures below were sent to me showing how a koala ran from the fires and took refuge in a water bowl.

"...oh, I'm letting go, so give me one more chance, to save me from this road I'm on, Jesus take the wheel..."

2009-02-11T19:00:00.006+11:00

That's right. I did it. The lyrics above are from the song, "Jesus, Take the Wheel". It was time that I used them because someone needs to take the wheel. Maybe it is a bit confusing because Aussies drive on the other side of the road and Jesus isn't sure how to drive here yet but he needs to take the wheel. I started this week out jobless. The week progressed rapidly in which I had a recruiter put me up for two jobs. A third opportunity from last week presented itself and it is the best opportunity of all. The recruiter with the two jobs called and said that she wanted me to start one of them tomorrow and I was willing. She then asked if anyone had presented me with other opportunities and I was honest and told her of the one today. She then told me that she could not send me to this job tomorrow because she didn't want me to get a better job and then leave the one that I would have started in the morning. So, is honesty really the best policy? However, remaining undaunted, I go to the interview today and it went well. At the end, I ask her a few questions, including, "Is there a timeline on when I could expect to hear back from you?" and she answers, "March!" Now, I didn't know if this was some sort of military command or was she seriously telling me that I would have to continue to wait! But then, she says, "In March, I will review who I want to come back for another interview!" Hahahahaha, oh snap! So, this is my third interview which is only to secure me a spot at a fourth interview? Because that makes sense in a productive world, right? I took that jab to the heart relatively well and it makes me wonder if I just have a high level of emotional intelligence or if I am just devoid of emotion at this point. It may be a mix of the two. However, I do know this, I am not upset that I came here. Even as I rode on the train bewildered and unamused, I am so glad not to be in Atlanta right now. Not that anything is wrong with Atlanta but it was time for me to leave and make a change. So, I did and like I said, for better or for worse, it is on my own terms!

So, in sadder news, the Aussie state of Victoria is burning uncontrollably and 200+ people have died. It is really bad because the fires are just sweeping through really rapidly and taking everything out in sight. Tons of people are homeless and worst of all, they think that several of the fires were started by man. What kind of idiot does that stuff? Anyways, this photo here is of a firefighter who helped a koala who was running away from the flames and burned her paws. This picture inspires two comments from me; 1.) It is nice to see man and animal come together in a time of need and 2.) Are animals now too good for tap water?

"...you never said too much, but still you showed the way..."

2009-02-08T22:38:00.008+11:00

Real talk time. This heat is getting to me. It is putting me into a bad mood and then topping it all off is the job hunt. Now, technically, I have only been jobless for five days because I worked remotely throughout January but I have been plugging away at this for a month now and I am growing bored with it all. I don't know what else I can do? So, I am just going to keep trying and let this journey work itself out. So, onto more thought provoking concepts. The other day, the Mom at the house where I am living was talking about how one of her daughters was being bullied at school and how she didn't want her to be insecure and it made me drift off into deep thought land. I was thinking about how every time we feel stupid, ugly, fat, unworthy, or any other negative emotion that it is because someone, at some point, told us that. Someone else let us know that we were not good enough. I don't believe that in life, I would have ever woken up and just looked in the mirror and bashed myself, if someone else hadn't done it for me already. I guess when having this thought, it kind of worked two ways. On one hand, we should never let others' perception of us hold us back. Even though stopping that emotion is probably the hardest thing to do. But, on the flip side, we need to always be aware of what we say and do to others because you may forget that moment but it can live on in someone's life for the rest of his/her life. I was thinking about a time in Middle School when someone was really mean to me and how I can recall his name, his face, the words he said, etc. but if I found him right now and walked up to him, he would never have a clue that he even had known me at some point in life. It's just kind of weird to think about, I guess. For me, I have this big hang-up that I want everyone to like me. I get that this may not be healthy but when I deal with you, I want you to leave the situation and think something positive about me. I don't ever want to be a burden on anyone or make people feel bad about themselves when they are around me. I am sure that I don't always get it right but I try. I was also thinking about how I came here to kind of chill out and take on a new perspective in life. As I was having this thought, I was making a list in my head of lessons that I hoped to learn and then had to tell myself that planning for future learned lessons was what I was trying to avoid doing! I was planning out what I would learn. I am trying to go with the flow. Again, trying! Ok, so in Aussie news, there are bush fires burning all over the South and 65 people have died. It is bad. The South is burning and the North is flooding. This is a crazy land. In the morning, I have an interview with a recruiter for another job. I remain cautiously optimistic. At this point, I will take anything because I am tired of having the burden of looking for work. Ok, this heat is forcing me to go to sleep. Again, I would like to write an open letter to the country of Australia and ask why air conditioning is so rare to find! I will never understand it.

"...I miss the catch if they throw me the ball, I'm the last kid standing up against the wall..."

2009-02-06T16:01:00.011+11:00

That job interview story was a good one, eh? I told you. That is my life but it keeps me on my toes. Want to know a better part? Yesterday, I was at the train station heading down to the beach and the "interviewer" walked right past me. In a city of 5 million people, this Mofo and I end up at the same train station. I almost had the urge to just run but luckily, he didn't recognize me since I wasn't in my suit and running while wheezing. It was a close call. So, on Wednesday I had another interview and it went well but I have yet to hear anything from the company. I hate being in limbo. For those of you who know me, patience is not my virtue. Accept me or reject me, just do it soon. Today, I had another interview which I just received a call for and it will lead to another interview on Monday, so at least people are calling me back. It makes me feel a little bit better about the fact that I willingly left two jobs in a downward economy. Who does that? This guy! My mom clowned on me today. I said to her, "I don't really want to go out and spend money" and she replied, "I wouldn't either if I were jobless!" Zing. Bam. Ow. Damn, Mama! She then laughed and tried to charm her way out of it. She will be forgiven - this time! Again, I remain relatively calm. Maybe it is because I am hooked up to a Xanax drip each night. In other news, the picture above is of Alana, 11 and Amanda, 8. They are the two little girls who live here in the house where I live. I tutor them in Spanish during the week and this was during one of our lessons. They were clearly engrossed in the learning process. So, today is Friday for me and I am debating on being social or not. Tomorrow, I am going to go to the beach and stay with some of my British people. They have willingly adopted me but I can't understand a word they say, so it works out well. I'm kidding. I understand every other word. Also, just to solidify how hot it is here right now; this weekend will officially make New South Wales, Australia the hottest place on Earth at 47 degrees Celsius or 116 degrees Fahrenheit. It is hot! They are anticipating that train lines will buckle from the heat tomorrow which means that people won't be able to get around as easily. I am not so excited for the heat. It is already miserable and there are bush fires all over the place right now. It is bad!

(I was instructed to make a serious face!)

(Apparently, I am not very good @ making people listen to me.)

"...while everyone's lost, the battle is won, with all these things that I've done..."

2009-02-02T20:18:00.012+11:00

Today was too long of a day for just the written word to describe. Please pay attention to the videos to the side under "What Am I Doing?" and click on the newest one for a full description of today's crazy events. The day could have never been accurately relayed without video. I am painfully tired. That "interview" wore me out. Maybe it is because I ran like a madman away from a job or maybe it is because I was breathing like a fish flopping around on land. Either way, I was so #*$*ing happy to run away from that situation. When I woke up this morning, I really looked at myself and thought, "Ok, be positive and be open to whatever they say and just go with the flow!" Now, do you how far that got me people? Technically, it got me really far away from Sydney! I also felt borderline maniacal as I could not quit laughing on the train. I mean, today...this is my life! If something crazy can happy, it happens to me! Always! True story - I am the only person that I know who can be asked by a homeless person if he has any money on him while he is at an ATM! How the hell do you look at them and lie when placed in that situation? With all of this said, I blindly remain undaunted by the negative events of today. I still naively feel as if something will come along. I mean, something has to come along, right? So, there you have it. When I refer to being "stuckatseven", this day is the epitome of that term. Ok, now it is time for me to pass out from exhaustion. One more thing, I am officially no longer a LOMAn. I am grateful to have had the chance to work for Business Development through January but I am also glad to be done as Australia is a fresh start for me! All of the people that I have met at LOMA and through LOMA truly made it a great experience and I plan to keep in touch for many years to come.

"...I hear babies cry, I watch them grow, they'll learn much more, than I'll ever know, and I think to myself - what a wonderful world..."

2009-01-29T22:24:00.005+11:00

February 1st will mark what would have been my Grandpa's 70th birthday. He passed away in August after having been diagnosed with liver cancer just 133 days prior. Since he passed, I have dwelled on thoughts of mortality more so than ever before. I started thinking about how once someone is dead, they are never truly gone until the last living person with a memory of them has died, as well. Kind of odd, I know but he will live on as long as each person who has a memory of him is alive. Thinking of things that way, it made me realize how important it is to really care about people and leave them with positive memories of yourself. We all can be stubborn, rude, or hateful but it serves us all no purpose. When we leave this Earth, the people who remain should be better off because we were here not better off because we are gone. All of this leads me to another tangent and that is about the feeling of vulnerability. I was thinking about how we all strive to never feel vulnerable. We will purposely miss out on chances in life because we felt exposed or vulnerable. I thought about what vulnerability really is and I realized that it is a "growing pain". Vulnerability comes when we are transitioning to a new way of being. It is normal and ultimately, healthy. I decided that I will take that previously negative emotion and try to empower myself by making it a good thing. Ok, so this blog is supposed to be about Australia but more so, it is about me in Australia and those were some of my random thoughts of the past, few days. With that said, today I met with a recruiter and it went ok. As we all know, it is a tough economy everywhere and it can feel as if I am fighting a losing battle but I didn't come here to lose. I can be painfully persistent, maybe to a fault but I am still under the delusion that all will work out. I have a calm about me that is surprising. Will it last? Probably until I wake up tomorrow and then who knows! Please keep in mind that when I am worried about something on here, I am not nagging. I am grateful to be here as I know that almost all of us know someone who has lost their job or is in danger of losing it. I don't want my ranting to be misinterpreted. I am happy to be where I am and this is just a way to vent sometimes. Next week, it looks as if I will have a couple of interviews but for now, I need sleep. Every night I get severe leg cramps from walking so much in this city. I must put in several miles a day or kilometres but who has time for conversions?!

"...and everytime I try to be, what someone has thought of me, so caught up, I wasn't able to achieve..."

2009-01-26T20:08:00.010+11:00

I was talking to my Mom this morning and we were talking about how we are just normal, everyday people and it made me recall times in which I have felt intimidated by other people's status in life. It is weird how we devalue ourselves sometimes against people based solely on the superficial. Other people's lot in life can make me so insecure and I don't know why or even how to explain it. If someone acts as if they are better than me, I allow myself to feel as if they are sometimes. Which is normal on some level but wrong completely. I guess I am going through this now because I feel weird as I look for a job and I feel a bit useless. This too shall pass but there is one thing that I do want to point out. A lot of you have written me emails or comments about how you wish you could do something like pack up and move or quit your job that is killing you. The truth of the matter is, you can and should. I am no different than anyone else. I come from a normal life, in a normal place, and I had a normal job and I decided that I wanted to break free. I was trapped by the normalcy of life. In Atlanta, every minute of my day was calculated and planned. I had to save myself and cut it loose. Do not feel as if I am doing something that you can't do. Clear your head, have 37 panic attacks, and then do it. That is what I did. Ok, now on to Australia events. Yesterday, I was invited to a group outing on Bronte Beach that was for Americans who now live in Sydney. It was great. They had salsa music, food, and just good conversation. It was nice to be around people who had decided to jump at the chance to see something different. It was just a little odd for me because they are much more adjusted to life here than I am. I mean, 2 weeks of Aussie life, isn't much! After the beach day and BBQ, I had to take the long train ride home. I can't keep living out here. I am too far away from the city and it is making me crazy. I have to leave events way early just to get home before the train stops running. Moving on to "Australia Day". I was under the impression that this day was some sort of Independence Day but what it represents is the arrival of the "First Fleet". These were the first people to come and colonize Australia. So, kind of closer to Thanksgiving than Independence Day. Either way, I went to the park with my new-found friends from all over the world and then it began to rain. So, I am back here at home instead of watching fireworks but that is ok. It was a good day, nonetheless. My hopes for the coming week are some job interviews and getting some stuff on the move. I have quelled the panic attacks for now but you never know when one may creep up. I just hope that I can get some interviews and maybe prove to people that I am not a moron, which is how I am currently feeling.

(Me and my baby arm celebrating Australia Day!)

(Rock pool @ Bronte Beach)

(This boat was bound and determined to show its' Aussie pride!)