Monday, July 15, 2013

Let's Talk About Sex...


I don't know about you, but when I look at the picture above - I instantly think of sex. Raw, wild, unyielding fornication. I'm talking about slam your hand against the table and beg for the serenity of the sweet baby Jesus kind of humping. "Why?" you ask. Well, for those of you who don't know...this is Dr. Sue Johanson and she, single-handedly (potential pun intended) taught me about the birds, bees and all the nasty things they could do to each other through her classic television shows "Talk Sex" and "The Sunday Night Sex Show".


(Spoiler Alert: That a'int no popsicle!)

I first came to know Sue when I went to Toronto with my aunt and uncle on a vacation. We were in the hotel room and they flicked on the tv, expecting a quiet, mundane American sitcom dubbed in a Canadian accent. What we found was very different. Emblazoned across the screen, we saw an elderly woman with a dildo strapped to her chin explaining the "ins and outs" (pun blatantly intended) of lesbian intercourse. 

In shock, my aunt and uncle turned off the tv and we all went to sleep. But, in that moment, I knew I had a new found friend in Dr. Sue. Upon coming home and internet stalking her like mad, I realized that her little, Canadian chat show had been picked up by everyone's favorite American television network, Oxygen. Why? Because it was breathing fresh air into my life! No, because Oxygen was a "channel for women" and women are perverts. It's been documented - just do your research.


(Sue explaining some proper techniques on knitting or crocheting or something like that, I'm sure.)

My favorite segment of Sue's shows was when she took viewer's calls. Whenever the viewer used a crass term for a sexual act, Sue would give a gentle laugh and then explain the medical term in graphic detail. So graphic that I would turn the volume down really low and listen for Mom's footsteps. The last thing I needed was my mom getting some ideas and trying to go make me another sibling! 


(Sue performing her rendition of The Bee Gee's classic, "How Deep is your Love?")

I randomly remembered Sue the other day and the countless hours of joy and educational porn that she brought me. Upon wikipedia'ing her for an update, I learned that she is now 83 years young and still going on tour giving presentations about all sorts of "beasts with two backs" behaviors, and I salute her. If it weren't for Dr. Sue Johanson - I'd still giggle like a pre-pubescent girl every time someone said, "cunnilingus". Oh, wait...


(Memories...)

Want to check out something even more awkward than this post? Check out my first ever book, stuck.at.seven [while awkwardly aiming for ten]!


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