Friday, June 28, 2013

Deen Dong The Witch is Dead


(Aw shucks y'all - I done stepped in some kinda mess I c'aint clean!)

Give me a show of hands, please - how many of you, honestly, were surprised that Paula Deen has uttered racial slurs? Now, those of you with your hands raised - please slap your dumb @$$ in the face because you deserve it!

Let's break it down - Paula Deen is a walking, talking, insulin-deficient, Southern Mee-Maw. She can whip up fried chicken, stir the collard greens and choose a stick from the tree out front to beat your backside with - all in 30 seconds flat!

And, based on a personal series of studies that I have conducted, entitled "Growing up in the South with a Mee-Maw", I have learned that 98% of all Southern Mee-Maws are racist! It's just how they roll. They don't mean any harm and, if they caused any, the devil made 'em do it. The organization, MMAS (Mee-Maw Association of the South), recently issued a statement saying, "We don't hate nobody. We just don't want 'em 'round our granbabies!" in support of Ms. Deen.


(Since her diabetes diagnosis, she has laid off the humble pie.)

Now, I am no fan of the word(s) that Ms. Deen used, but I just got to throw one thing out there. If we want a word abolished from our language, culture and history than everybody has to throw it away. For example, the word, self-respect. Where'd that go? I haven't seen it in years! 

So, before we start throwing daggers at ol' Paula girl, we need to consider how many songs and movies throw out hatred every day but because they are accompanied by a funky beat and star power, somehow it passes by a-ok.


(Y'all just call me "the South", 'cause Im'ma 'bout to rise again!)

But, y'all don't worry - Paula is going to be ok. I never really envisioned her key market being anyone other than current or future Southern Mee-Maws - so, I think she will find her way back on to t.v. without a problem.

So, while Paula takes a few days off to soak her feet, perfect her cornbread recipe and hire a more diverse wait staff for any future relatives' social function, we can all just sit and wait until the next Caucasian gets up and says something stupid, off camera, and then admits to it, on camera.



(I can't wait until this future Mee-Maw gets loose lips and sinks some racially inappropriate ships!)

If you're down with semi-inappropriate and awkward behavior, why not check out my first ever book hereThen, you too, can be stuck.at.seven!



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