Tuesday, May 14, 2013

American Beauty?!

This week, I read the disturbing news that Maxim Magazine named Miley "Can't Be Tamed" Cyrus as the hottest person of the year. Apparently, Beyoncé (don't forget the accent on the E), Sofia Vergara (roll that R) and the toothless cashier from the local Wal-Mart all took this year off.

Now, I am not being a hater and saying that Miley is unattractive. With her new look, featured below, she could easily step in as a replacement member of One Direction, a body double for the lead singer of Roxette or a less-animated Sonic the Hedgehog - and, all of those are fine options in my book. What I am concerned about is, how in the Sam-Hell did Billy Ray Cyrus' achy-breaky heart manage to make this happen?!

(It's must've been love - but, it's definitely over now)

Doing a little research to see what career feats Miley leaped to in 2012, I realized that she may have topped out the list due to her work in the straight-to-DVD classics, "LOL", "So Undercover" and her heart-warmingly delightful stint on Two and Half Men, which all easily overshadowed the fine cinematic works of Michelle Williams, Jennifer Lawrence and Miss Piggy.

When it comes to her music career, it could be argued that none of her glass-gargling, warbled tunes could be classified, technically, as music (except that one called "The Climb" - it gets me every time) but I am pretty sure she hasn't had a hit in recent times. So, that keeps me perplexed.

The one thing that she is winning (or, losing - depending on which side of the argument you are on) is her battle with Taylor Swift's over-active genitals. Miley catches a lot of flack and gets labeled with some unflattering terms from time to time, but we all know that Taylor is the real home-wrecker of this white trash party. She may wear a fancy, full-length skirt and make music videos with humans dressed as animals, but Taylor's got on the nasty stuff from Frederick's of Hollywood underneath. And, I bet it chaffs.


Nonetheless...2013 is proving that the devil (aka Maxim Magazine) is alive and well by proclaiming, Miley "Daddy's Little Angel" Cyrus, as the hottest girl in the land for 2013! I can only wait for 2014, when Della Reese makes a career comeback with "Touched by an Angel - The Revenge" and boots this little girl from the cover. 

(Get it, Della!)

(Come hither, y'all!)

In unrelated news, my book is currently the 474,767th most popular book on Amazon, you should help change that by clicking here!


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