Wednesday, April 10, 2013

This is a Pant-Free Zone


Sometimes, you just gotta break free. You walk into a room, you pull your best 'Magic Mike' thrust and you rip those godforsaken pants right off of your lower body. That, is the exact opposite of what happened at my first ever "No Pants Party" on the weekend.

Now, I get that the title may sound a little risqué and make you envision groups of people swarming together in an entanglement of hot, sweaty passion. However, I can assure you that the only time I got hot and sweaty was after I had eaten too much pizza and washed it down with not 1, not 2, but 5 pieces of chocolate. It's amazing how much one perspires when trying not to vomit from his poorly concocted culinary cocktail in the presence of others.

So, for future reference...if you ever want to throw your own "No Pants Party", you have to specify some rules from the onset. Follow these three easy-to-remember steps and you too can be pant-less amongst friends in no time flat.

1. Only close friends can be invited.


(Sorry Clint - I mean, you're cool and all, but I don't really know you like that.)

2. "No pants" does not equal "no underwear." 


(If a random willy or overzealous labia creep out - the party is over. Kaput!)

3. An optional activity is to add a hat. I am not sure why, but it was on the invite. 


(In general, if it works for Donald Duck - it works for me.)

And, if you act now - you can receive your free starter kit. The kit includes: a crisp, fresh pair of non-gender specific underwear, a bedazzled cap and a barrel of self-esteem (and/or anti-depressants) to get you through the night. Supplies limited, so call now!


Be sure to check out my first ever book, stuck.at.seven [while awkwardly aiming for ten] by clicking here and, please like me on Facebook!



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