Sunday, March 3, 2013

Ear-itable

I have a theme in life and that is when I get sick, I only do so on a Friday.  I tend to wake up and feel a little extra groggy, a tad more pissed off than usual and with an aching somewhere in my body that let's me know I am about to ruin my weekend. I am not sure if it is a "fake it to make it" mentality, in which I know that I need to get through the work week or it's just the luck of the draw.

And, as you've probably already guessed, that's exactly what has happened this weekend. Friday morning, I got to work and my right ear was completely clogged. I couldn't hear a thing anyone was saying to me. I had to lean in like a Grandpa and kept yelling, "Huh?", "What?" and "Those damn Democrats keep trying to take away my freedoms!" The clogged ear is not an unfamiliar problem because (spoiler alert) I have undeveloped ear canals. I went to the doctor ages ago and he said that my ear canals never developed past puberty and therefore, they are especially small. You could also take that exact same sentence and replace 'ear canals' with 'arms', 'lungs' and 'testicles' and get the same result.

So, Saturday, I awoke to an insane fever and a stabbing pain in my ear. It was as if Britney Spears had chosen to perform live directly in my ear canal.  I went to the medical center across the street and the doctor was touching my ear and almost forcing me to cry in public.  I was in so much pain.  He then kept saying, "You know, you don't need to go swimming!" I said, "I don't swim." He said, "Ok, well no swimming this week for you." I said, "I haven't swum since my family arrived to these shores on a makeshift boat!" He said, "Ok - so remember - no swimming!" He was intent that I was a swimmer and had caused this upon myself.  Luckily, he took mercy and gave me an antibiotic ear drop and pills.

Now, it's Sunday - the weekend is fading away quicker than Christina Aguilera's chance at a career revival and I feel myself perking up a bit.  My ear still feels swollen but for now, the fever has subsided and I'm nourishing my body with a bag of chips and Coke Zero because why not knock it when it's down.

Please "like" my Facebook page by clicking here!  New book comes out on March 7 (eBook) and print version at the end of the month.  Thank you!


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