Sunday, March 3, 2013
And, as you've probably already guessed, that's exactly what has happened this weekend. Friday morning, I got to work and my right ear was completely clogged. I couldn't hear a thing anyone was saying to me. I had to lean in like a Grandpa and kept yelling, "Huh?", "What?" and "Those damn Democrats keep trying to take away my freedoms!" The clogged ear is not an unfamiliar problem because (spoiler alert) I have undeveloped ear canals. I went to the doctor ages ago and he said that my ear canals never developed past puberty and therefore, they are especially small. You could also take that exact same sentence and replace 'ear canals' with 'arms', 'lungs' and 'testicles' and get the same result.
So, Saturday, I awoke to an insane fever and a stabbing pain in my ear. It was as if Britney Spears had chosen to perform live directly in my ear canal. I went to the medical center across the street and the doctor was touching my ear and almost forcing me to cry in public. I was in so much pain. He then kept saying, "You know, you don't need to go swimming!" I said, "I don't swim." He said, "Ok, well no swimming this week for you." I said, "I haven't swum since my family arrived to these shores on a makeshift boat!" He said, "Ok - so remember - no swimming!" He was intent that I was a swimmer and had caused this upon myself. Luckily, he took mercy and gave me an antibiotic ear drop and pills.
Now, it's Sunday - the weekend is fading away quicker than Christina Aguilera's chance at a career revival and I feel myself perking up a bit. My ear still feels swollen but for now, the fever has subsided and I'm nourishing my body with a bag of chips and Coke Zero because why not knock it when it's down.
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