Tuesday, February 19, 2013

An Open Book

I am diligently and desperately waiting for the formatter to return the finished copy of my book, so that I can get it all done and stand before the court of public opinion. As each day passes and I look on and see people saying nice things and "liking" my Facebook page, I get excited. However, I can't help but wonder, "Will this be the biggest epic life fail since the time my Grandma bought me a pair of stone-washed neon green jeans and my mom forced me to wear them to school?"

I was actually so upset that I had to wear those jeans that I cried and, accidentally, peed on myself. I know, I probably shouldn't have shared that with you, but honestly, the part I really shouldn't tell you is that I was 17 at the time.

In general, I don't have an issue exposing myself - whether it be in a locker room or along a dark alley - but for some reason, this little book is making me quite nervous.  But, I am sticking to my motto that I'd rather try and fail spectacularly than to wander around and worry about the "what ifs" of the world.

So, it's coming - sooner rather than later - and I do sincerely 'thank you' for the support and remember, if you read it and hate it, just fake laugh to my face that way we can all avoid an uncomfortable situation.

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Monday, February 4, 2013

Stupor Bowl - A'int Nobody Got Time For That

When it comes to The Super Bowl, I may as well be a honey badger because I don't give a s#!t! (If you don't get that reference, please click here and join the 56 million others who would). I think it is an unnecessary display of all that is wrong in the world; overindulgence, idolizing people through sport (I'm looking at you, Lance Armstrong) and preying on the minds of the marketing gullible.

For me, ravens are a flock of loathsome birds who threaten to eat my eyes out and the 49'ers sound like an adult-themed website that features MILF's. I don't know the name of any of the players, and I don't know if Horse-yoncĂ© (the accent makes it classy) did a good job "singing" or not because, it doesn't matter.  The world keeps spinning and we should never place our "hopes and dreams" on whether a team wins or loses.  We pray to God, we scream at the t.v. and we hope with all of our hearts that our team wins but why?  It just doesn't make sense to me.

To be honest, if I wanted to see a bunch of over-priced media whores fighting over a ball just to get a little attention, I would watch the Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian sex tapes (again).  My point is, if we can focus so much of our energy on a game - why can't we focus on doing something that actually matters?  Change a life, not a t.v. channel.

I'm no saint (unexpected New Orleans team reference), it's not like I spent Super Bowl Sunday at a homeless shelter or fighting for some underprivileged group's rights, but I did tell an unattractive woman that she looked nice in yellow.  And, to be honest, it made me feel like a good person.

So, when it comes down to it, I don't care if you got Tebow'ed or Tea bagged - all I have to say about the Super Bowl is...a'int nobody got time for that. (Again, click that link for a significant cultural reference).

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