Thursday, August 9, 2012

Alarmed and Dangerous



"...ring the alarm, I been through this too long..."

It's just not natural. As you lay comfortable and warm in your bed, a number flicks over on a hatefully designed machine. A noise is then triggered that is so heinous that it curls up inside of your being and makes you rage with anger.

Or, maybe that's just me.

I hate alarm clocks. It may stem from the fact that I have always had issues with insomnia or it could be because I am not fond of a tiny device raging at me so early in the morning that God isn't even awake yet.

(I said "SNOOZE", Mother F-cker!)

The fact that we, as human beings, have become accustomed to using these things makes me feel like we are some sort of caged animal involved in a really messed up science experiment. I just don't feel like we are meant to be the routined, structured beings that we have become.

And, don't get me wrong, I am the worst. At any given moment during my early morning rituals, in which I sculpt each strand of my hair with just the right amount of gel, I can look over at the clock and it will be the same exact time as the previous day. I'm seemingly stuck in a perpetual twilight zone, in which every moment is repeated over every single day. It's not ok.

(Is it time to break free?)

But, how do we change it? I've contemplated training a lovely, little dove to fly through my window each morning. After she sat down the beautifully crafted McMuffin that she had carried in her tiny beak, she would then chirp a pitch-perfect melody of love songs from the early 1970's.

Once I heard the final chorus of a delightfully chirped rendition of (They Long To Be) Close To You by The Carpenters, I'd open my eyes, welcome the sunshine and devour my breakfast in peace. I'd then thank my little dove, who by now I would have named "Dove-yoncé", and she'd fly away into the blue skies diligently preparing tomorrow's playlist.

But, obviously, I am not delusional. I know that training a dove would take years of practice and a series of auditions that I just don't have time for.

In the meantime, I will just wake up disgruntled each morning. But, please do me a favor, if you ever wake up anywhere near me, just give a "Good Morning" nod and let's save the polite chit chat for lunch time.

(If you guys need me, I'll be in a coma.)

Be sure to "like" me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter.

Thank you!

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