(Pay attention at the 15 second mark!)
Being the eldest grandchild on my Dad's side of the family in which I only had Uncles, who were in their late teens or early 20's during my childhood, you can imagine that I developed a well versed, swear word laden vocabulary at an early age.
Moving to the teen years, my Mom would beg my brother, Joe and I not to cuss. We would drop F bombs like no tomorrow but one day, when my Mom offered us cash to quit, we stopped cold turkey. Joe, lacking willpower and the inability to avoid situations in which b*tch and sh*t are not commonly used words, failed within 2 hours. I, however, held on for two whole years! Not one crude word was uttered from my mouth during that time. I became the King of saying, "heck", "darn" and "oh, shoot!" In other words, I was miserable.
(There is something greatly satisfying about a well placed ^%&$.)
Now, as a full grown adult, I have ventured back to the land of cussing. It releases frustration, anger and gosh darn it, sometimes it's just fun! But, the one word that had always remained off limits was the elusive and oft-hated C-word. No, not copulation, chlamydia or coccyx but rather the super bad one. You know it. The word that is so crass that if it rattles off of your tongue, your Great Aunt Dottie Mae would somehow arrive with a purse full of bricks and knock you over the head so hard that you'd be bruised longer than Chris Brown's career.
But, I'll have you know that all of the ceased with I moved to Australia. While still socially impolite, c*nt has a charm here that is uniquely Australian. Sometimes, people say it so nonchalantly and lovingly that you don't even realize that they are your friend until they have referred to you as that word. It is truly heart warming.
(Clockwise Emotions: "Ouch, I can't believe that I said it!" - "Wait, did I say it?" - "Ahh, who cares?!" - "I am so sorry, Grandma!")
With that said, tonight on television in Australia, history was made. A lovely television presenter named Carrie Bickmore, one of the hosts of Channel Ten's - "The Project", innocently and accidentally stumbled over that colorful word, sort of.
Gingerly crafting a new c*nt hybrid, she combined the name of Australia's National Airline Carrier, Qantas with the word "customers". In that moment, she bestowed upon the world, C*ntas!
As the new word bungee jumped from of her mouth, I had never felt more pride. I quickly signed up to become a member of the C*ntas Frequent Flyer Program and I can't wait to be welcomed into the fold. I do, however, have a strange feeling that the flights will no longer serve warm nuts. But, I'm excited for this new venture because if Qantas is known as the "flying kangaroo", I can't wait to fly, C*ntas - the "flying carpet"!
To sum up my emotions towards this event and the talented Carrie Bickmore, I have written a poem to delicately express the joy that ran through my veins on this momentous, Australian evening. Well done, Ms. Bickmore, well done!
(The new Australian Idol)
In from the gym, I flicked on the screen,
My mouth fell agape, when you said what you didn't mean,
Past your lips, a frightful word did slip,
I guess we now know, which airline ruined your last trip...
I choked on my laughter and quickly wrote a status update,
You made your stance pretty clear when it comes to airline price rates...
Now, I'm not sure if Channel Ten has lost a corporate sponsor yet,
But I think we'll all know when you can't board that Qantas jet...
So, don't worry Ms. B, you can always ride a Virgin,
or make a pun of that too,
But saying the C-word on national tv, Carrie,
has just made a legend out of you...
With a smile on my face, I must be blunt,
But a lackluster Wednesday ended, the moment you said c*nt!