Friday, October 7, 2011

"...and sometimes you close your eyes and see the place where you used to live, when you were young..."

30? I am 30! I am 30 years old? How did this happen? It doesn't make any sense! 30 used to be so old! Am I old? This isn't fair! What happened to my young and beautiful youth? Oh wait! I never had it. At least not the beautiful part. Anyways, yeah…it’s my birthday and I must say that in general, I like to be disgruntled and solemn; however, this year, I am opting for a different path.

My life has had little twists and turns that took me to places that I never expected. I have gotten to see and do so much in such a short time on this planet that for once, I feel at peace with October 7th. It’s easy to wake up and dread the day but at the end of it all, I know that there are people that care about me and people that I have impacted in their lives and vice versa and I am grateful for that.

This past year has been such a journey in so many ways. I feel calmer and more relaxed, all while remaining stressed and neurotic. I worry until my brain hurts but at the end of it all, none of it matters and I am trying to slowly teach myself that. It’s hard and I am not a perfect student but I am trying. The biggest lesson that I have learned yet continuously fail at perfecting, is the relinquishing of control. I can’t control situations, I can’t control people, I can’t do it all…I simply need to let go and let life happen sometimes. My whole life, I have been the one to look out for everyone, to make sure everyone was ok and happy and for so long, I neglected myself in that respect but those days are gone to an extent. I have made several choices that have lead me down a path that has allowed me to find happiness through seeing the world and meeting new people. As the boy in Pensacola once dreamed, the man (awkward calling myself a man, it seems so old) is now seeing and doing.

So, as with tradition, I have purchased myself a trip for my birthday but it is delayed a bit and I will be exploring Colombia and Peru in January when I go home for Christmas. From the Amazon to Machu Picchu that is my 30th adventure. I am looking forward to it immensely and I can’t wait to see what South America has in store. I will be taking 5 weeks to visit home, see my new, baby nephew and explore a new continent. So, it’s a new journey, a new beginning and time to embrace life in a new way.

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