Monday, February 21, 2011

"...yeah, I think that I might break, I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe..."

Have you ever just been sitting around and longed for that feeling of security? The moment in which your world and the crazy in it stops and you just feel safe. The people, the places, the situations all make sense and for once your heart and head rest worry free because life makes sense. Is this something that people find? Is this something that I'll find?

I've never considered myself to be one of those "jumping for joy" people in which I always see the bright side because I don't but lately, I have become a ball of negativity. I feel a range of emotions that I normally don't and it is making me insane. However, at the same time, maybe it is making me a better person. For so long, I feel like I just existed. People noticed me but no one cared to know me or more so, I didn't care to let people know me. I sacrificed so much of my being to make others happy or to do "the right thing" and ultimately, I lost myself. I find myself pulling away a bit lately and my thoughts remain unfocused because I just feel transitional. Life is a constant journey and sometimes we shed the skin of the past and maybe that is where I am at the moment.

I'm not playing up some sort of depression or melancholy because that isn't it. I'm not sad. I'm just pondering life yet again. When I stop pondering is when I will know that something is wrong with me. In those moments of bliss and happiness, we don't often grow because that moment is so great that we relish it and want to hold onto it forever but when we are low or when life has pushed us to a depth that we didn't know we could go to, we search for a way back out and we grow and become better at adapting to the world around us. Those tough times define us. Those tough times lead us back into the world with a stronger suit of armor.

I'm ready to wake up in a good mood. And I can honestly say, I've been waiting all my life for that.

12 comments:

lladybugg said...

I've been following your blog for a while, if you want to call it that. I think I've missed every single post since I subscribed ... :S but I've been catching up and I just wanted to say that I find you're leap of faith very exhilarating and that you will gain strength, knowledge, and probably a lot more growth from your low points. :) You are right, we learn little from the happy moments...but we definitely enjoy them more when we've had our low points.
Enjoy your future adventures.

- Edmund - said...

Thank you for the words, I appreciate it.

Maybe one day, I can make even the mundane events exciting.

I appreciate your follow!

Butterfly said...

I am new to blogging and have just come across your blog, I know what you mean by being "stuck at 7" as you put it, im writing a blog which is just a random mix of thoughts trying to understand this, take a look I hope i can inspire you as your journey has for me.

http://politicalbutterfly.blogspot.com/

lladybugg said...

If you can make the mundane exciting, make sure to let me know!
I think that might be a lesson worth learning. :)

- Edmund - said...

Thank you both for your comments. @Butterfly I look forward to keeping track of your journey.

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