Thursday, October 7, 2010

"...while everyone's lost, the battle is won, with all these things that I've done..."

Guess what? It's my birthday! Yeah, yeah. Who gives a flip! Anyways, I never really celebrate but this year, some great new friends convinced me that I should go out. So, I only agreed if we could do it at a little Sydney amusement locale called "Luna Park".
I'm going to be honest, I went on one ride and was ready to vomit. It's like I have morning sickness without the fetus. I was so sick but I fake it to make it! That's right! No holding me back. "Luna Park" was a success (see the video below for what helped me want to vomit and also caused a massive burn on my back!)
So, today is the actual birthday. Let's have a moment of serious reflection. This is going to sound 100% completely lame but I am so grateful for everything that has happened to me in life. I was pondering it today and no matter how bad something was or how horrible of a time period it may have been, it has molded me and shaped me and call me a loser, but I am pretty happy with who I am as a person.
I realized today through the messages, the gestures and well wishes that people do appreciate me which is probably my biggest vice. I always feel like I am not good enough or that people do not really want me around and whenever someone reaches out and just offers a simple gesture of kindness, I know that they mean it and I am grateful.
Australia and the last almost 2 years have been eye opening and I am forever changed in ways that I will never been able to fully express. I have grown leaps and bounds, I have seen the world with different eyes and allowed myself to be completely open to the idea that I have zero control in the world. For me, Mr. Neurotic, that is a big deal.
Everyone always asks, "What do you want for your birthday?" and for me, the only thing that I ever want is appreciation. People to appreciate me and people to know how much I appreciate them. Again, print a picture of me and throw lame darts at it or whatever you need to do but superficial stuff does not matter and the more aware we become of that, the easier life gets. It's too hard otherwise.
So, with that said, thank you all for the birthday messages! And, check back next week because I am off to the Northern Territory for my Outback adventure, mates!

video

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