Sunday, October 24, 2010

" about me not blaming you for everything, how about me enjoying the moment for once..."

I'm in a decidedly weird mood today. Not bad, not good...just weird. I can't quite sum it up but I just feel "foggy" in my head. Like, a cloud is hovering above my eyes and causing pressure. See, didn't I mention that I was weird?

Anyways, this week has been the week of me going off on tirades. I don't know why but every now and then, I like to harp on a subject and pummel it into the ground. This week has been about the whole, people being bullied and not feeling good enough about themselves, etc. It's so odd because we are all such blatant products of a "first world" society. We have food, we have water, we have all of our necessities, so naturally, we turn to self-loathing. Do you think that someone in the middle of Uganda, who has no food for her child is worried about whether or not her ears are too big? It's because our world is too easy, so we have to make it difficult and turn on ourselves.

I have regular chats with myself and I try to tell myself not to be so hard on myself because I am so lucky but sometimes, you get caught in your own world. Your own bit of crazy overwhelms you.

Anyways, it is just me. I always want people to know that they don't need to be depressed. We all go through it and more so, we all have horrible things that happen to us but we cannot let those things define us. If they do, we are forever tainted and forced to live in the shadow of the hurt. Ok, enough pondering, time for sleep.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

"...and I'm crazy but you like it, loca loca loca..."

This past month has been insane. I traveled down to Tasmania, had a birthday and then finally made it to The Outback. It feels good to check those things off of the list and wait to see what else is in store?! Perth in November and back to the "land of the free" for Christmas.
So, I am finally going to make the plunge and sign up for a "stand-up" comedy class. I know, I know. I am going to have a panic attack and cry on stage but this is something that I feel like I have to do. It is something that has boiled within me for years and it is either, do it or move on and I am not ready to move on just yet.
I am not sure how it will go. I like to think that I am funny or as some of you may say, delusional, but will it translate? Who knows?! Either way, it is better to try and fail than to not try at all, right? I will keep telling myself that until my shipment of pills arrive! I feel like I will piss myself when it actually comes down to it but I am in Australia and if I make a complete fool of myself, I will just hop a boat and banish myself from this island!
Beyond that, I went to the beach today and I look sort of like a crispy lobster. There was some emergency on the beach and it happened right near me but I never caught on to what happened and then randomly, whales were within feet from the shore. It was insane! I wanted to jump on one of the whales and ride it but that probably would have been 1.) inappropriate and 2.) illegal. Oh well, next time I will violate a whale. It seems fun!
For now, I am off to slumber. Oh wait, by the way, my big event of the week was realizing that my iPod records live radio and plays it back. This is either really cool or I am really behind on the times. I'm trendy!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

"...we're burning down the highway skyline, on the back of a hurricane that started turning when you were young..."

Everyone who knows me, knows that I have always wanted to live in Australia. But, more so than that, I have always wanted to see The Outback. So, finally, I booked a trip and off I went.

Accompanying me was my co-worker Felicity, who basically got the benefit of 1.) a pre-planned trip and 2.) having the best travel mate ever. Fact!

Anyways, I flew into Uluru in the middle of the desert and spent the first night at a "Sounds of Silence" dinner in the middle of nowhere and I truly realized that there is a God when by fate, I was seated beside a tour group from the great state of Alabama. I heard them dropping the "y'all" bomb like it was nobody's business and I jumped over and introduced myself. It was as if my relatives had all gotten on a bus and showed up, just for me! One old woman went off to the unisex bathrooms and as I passed her on my way up to them, she proclaimed, "Be careful! Those bathrooms are bi-sexual!" At this moment, I nearly urinated right then and there. I laughed so hard and I do not know if you have ever laughed with a full bladder but it is tough. God Bless, Alabama!

The next day, it was a full day trip to King's Canyon. So, this involved a trek of about 3 hours in a van. That van had some magic, comatose power over me because I fell asleep every 4 minutes. I could not keep it together. Anyways, I explored the canyon with my travel posse and it was hot. Like, almost 100 degrees kind-of hot. I had water and a prayer. It was beautiful though. You could look out for miles and miles and see nothing but the red dirt and green that poked through it.

After that, my trip continued on to Uluru/Ayer's Rock and The Olgas. My tour group today was priceless. The average age was probably 65 and I had them eating out of the palms of my hands. I have realized, my key demographics are: old people, toddlers and non-English speakers. Those three groups will always find me to be adorable and the funniest person on the planet. Again, fact!

It was stunning. The landscape is a stark contrast to anything that I am used to and they recently had good rainstorms, so little yellow and purple flowers were abundant. We ended the day with a sunset dinner overlooking Uluru in which I entertained the group with stories of my Australian English mistakes. Again, did I mention they adored me? I now have some new sets of grandparents!

Speaking of grandparents, get this! So, I stayed in a dorm/hostel because I was originally going alone and I thought that if I shared a place, it would be easier because it would allow me to meet people. Anyways, who were my roommates?! None other than a 70+ year old, Chinese couple! Now, don't get me wrong, I love sweet and sour chicken as much as the next guy but Grandma had it out for me from the start.

So, I walk in the room and she is lying in her bed and looks absolutely petrified and I say, "Hi, how are you?" And she stammers out, "Hi, me China. My body no good!" I thought, "Wow, how did she know I intended to sell her into the sex trade already?" Moving on, her husband comes in and they have the air conditioner set on 86 degrees! So, I go and turn it down. She barks something in Mandarin and I knew it was on and popping. She turns on this massive flashlight and starts hitting the air conditioner and says, "My husband so cold! So cold, my husband!" So, I make a gestured compromise and I turn off the A/C and I open the window. She walks up behind me and closes it halfway! Ohhhhhhh hell no, China Grandma!

I let it go but during the middle of the night, I wanted to curl up in her bed next to her and ask her to sing me to sleep with a story about how she killed her first born because it was a girl. Would that have been wrong?

So, this morning was my last morning and I was supposed to go on a camel tour. But, it stormed and camels apparently are primadonnas, so it was a no-go! I am a little disappointed but what can you do? I guess I will just have to find another time to make jokes about camels spitting and their toes.

With all of that, it was a great break and a great adventure. I saw things and places that I had only dreamed of, so I walk away 100% grateful and looking forward to the next journey...minus China Grandma.

(Me at The Olgas)

(On the long road in the middle of The Outback)

Thursday, October 7, 2010

"...while everyone's lost, the battle is won, with all these things that I've done..."

Guess what? It's my birthday! Yeah, yeah. Who gives a flip! Anyways, I never really celebrate but this year, some great new friends convinced me that I should go out. So, I only agreed if we could do it at a little Sydney amusement locale called "Luna Park".
I'm going to be honest, I went on one ride and was ready to vomit. It's like I have morning sickness without the fetus. I was so sick but I fake it to make it! That's right! No holding me back. "Luna Park" was a success (see the video below for what helped me want to vomit and also caused a massive burn on my back!)
So, today is the actual birthday. Let's have a moment of serious reflection. This is going to sound 100% completely lame but I am so grateful for everything that has happened to me in life. I was pondering it today and no matter how bad something was or how horrible of a time period it may have been, it has molded me and shaped me and call me a loser, but I am pretty happy with who I am as a person.
I realized today through the messages, the gestures and well wishes that people do appreciate me which is probably my biggest vice. I always feel like I am not good enough or that people do not really want me around and whenever someone reaches out and just offers a simple gesture of kindness, I know that they mean it and I am grateful.
Australia and the last almost 2 years have been eye opening and I am forever changed in ways that I will never been able to fully express. I have grown leaps and bounds, I have seen the world with different eyes and allowed myself to be completely open to the idea that I have zero control in the world. For me, Mr. Neurotic, that is a big deal.
Everyone always asks, "What do you want for your birthday?" and for me, the only thing that I ever want is appreciation. People to appreciate me and people to know how much I appreciate them. Again, print a picture of me and throw lame darts at it or whatever you need to do but superficial stuff does not matter and the more aware we become of that, the easier life gets. It's too hard otherwise.
So, with that said, thank you all for the birthday messages! And, check back next week because I am off to the Northern Territory for my Outback adventure, mates!

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