Thursday, July 15, 2010

"...they say, time is made of memories, well I remember and I'm tired..."

I just got my passport stamped as I entered the land of Crazy. I sit here with the air sucked from my lungs, trapped in some mental blockade of delusion and self pity. I can't break free. I need a nap. I need some meds! This is the world of panic attacks and this is where I am at this very moment.

The whole week, I could feel the crazy coming on. It creeps up on you slowly like a Jehovah's Witness knocking on your door at a family dinner. You know it's out there but you just don't know when it will get you.

I should have known it was on its' way though. This whole week, I have felt restless, hurried, emotional. I questioned if I were ovulating. Then, I googled what that word meant and realized that I wasn't. But then again, what if I were?! What if I had ovaries?! That would explain the mood swing! So, I panicked about potentially having female organs. But, alas, no ovaries. Panic diverted.

Last night, I was at my acting class and working with my scene partner and the teacher comes over and tells me that I need to be more neurotic. Hahahahahahaha! Me? More neurotic? This man clearly does not know me! I invented a level of neurosis. I wanted to punch him in his esophagus for the disrespect but I decided that I am too pretty for prison and that that was not the way to go!

I wish that having a panic attack were more like a resort vacation in the Caribbean. You know, sitting around on a beach and drinking a mai-tai while the sun sets in the distance instead of like a jackhammer that pierces your soul and exposes you for the insecure, fragile leper that you are. You know, or something like that.


Tia said...

You so crazy. Acting huh? You should be good at that since you are always putting on a show for your audience. :)

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