Friday, June 18, 2010

"...thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box..."

After my quick trip home, I am back in Australia and in an unsurprising turn of events, I am sick. I am sick here way too much for my liking. I can count three times since January in which I have been really bad off and I don't know why that is. Today, for the first time in a long time, I actually took a "sick day" from work.

I hate taking "sick days" because I do not like to appear weak or like a slacker but today, I knew I wasn't able to make it. I slept almost the entire day and I do feel better right now but I am not going to jinx it.

I should have known that I was getting sick because I have been really negative in my thoughts this week too. I always think that I am not good enough, on every level and it drives me insane. How do you break that hurdle? What happens when one day, you are ok with you and your place in the world? I will never be the best at anything but even if I were, would I even recognize it because I am so negative?

I try to remind myself to be grateful for what I do have as opposed to dwelling on what I don't have. Easy concept. Tough in practice. I think that once we achieve something in life, we quickly move on to a new goal or a new aspiration because why sit around and be happy! Where is the fun in that?

I don't know but I hope that I am on the mend for tonight and I am going to have to start tricking my mind into being more positive. I go negative way too often and it is ingrained into me. I always feel like there is something more. Something more within me and I can't find the right way to channel it and that makes me go negative. I feel as if there is some potential being wasted. Ok, enough of that. Time for some flu medicine and a nap.

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