Sunday, March 21, 2010

"...we're burning down the highway skyline, on the back of a hurricane that started turning, when you were young..."


Tonight is one of those nights when I wish I had a car. There is a freedom attached to a car that I don't often miss but tonight, I do. I wish I could just get in and go wherever and have the windows down and let the air go through the car. One of my favorite parts of living in Atlanta was that sometimes late at night, I could be driving through the heart of the city and amongst all the lights, buildings, and chaos, there was an odd sense of calm that I found. I like cities. I like lights and busy streets. Cities are amazing creatures though because you can be in the middle of one with 5 million other people yet be completely alone. You can sit on a bench and watch hundreds pass you but not one face strikes a familiar chord. It is disconcerting and fascinating all at once. I've realized within myself that I am painfully anti-social. It's odd. Most people meet me and would not peg me as such but it is true. I cringe inside at the thought of extreme social settings. I think that it makes me come off as rude when in actuality it is just a striking insecurity. I don't know. I feel that I have gotten better but it still creeps up regularly enough to be an issue. I guess we will all learn how much of an issue it is when I scurry off to Fiji for a few days by myself. Fake it until you make it is the rule, I guess. I have always been a loner and it is a hard trait to break. I can't handle massive groups of people but sometimes, I can drown myself in the solitude of self isolation. I am trying to work on it by taking my improv class but maybe it is all part of being "stuckatseven". Time will tell.

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