Tonight is one of those nights when I wish I had a car. There is a freedom attached to a car that I don't often miss but tonight, I do. I wish I could just get in and go wherever and have the windows down and let the air go through the car. One of my favorite parts of living in Atlanta was that sometimes late at night, I could be driving through the heart of the city and amongst all the lights, buildings, and chaos, there was an odd sense of calm that I found. I like cities. I like lights and busy streets. Cities are amazing creatures though because you can be in the middle of one with 5 million other people yet be completely alone. You can sit on a bench and watch hundreds pass you but not one face strikes a familiar chord. It is disconcerting and fascinating all at once. I've realized within myself that I am painfully anti-social. It's odd. Most people meet me and would not peg me as such but it is true. I cringe inside at the thought of extreme social settings. I think that it makes me come off as rude when in actuality it is just a striking insecurity. I don't know. I feel that I have gotten better but it still creeps up regularly enough to be an issue. I guess we will all learn how much of an issue it is when I scurry off to Fiji for a few days by myself. Fake it until you make it is the rule, I guess. I have always been a loner and it is a hard trait to break. I can't handle massive groups of people but sometimes, I can drown myself in the solitude of self isolation. I am trying to work on it by taking my improv class but maybe it is all part of being "stuckatseven". Time will tell.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
"...when the goal is to rock the whole globe, imma be the future, imma be the whole, reason why you wanna come to the show..."
It was brought to my attention that I haven't blogged recently. I don't know the reason why. It just seems as if nothing has garnered my attention enough to write it down but maybe tonight is the night. Now that I am back in Australia, I feel a little more settled. I have a good job, a good apartment, and all is well. In two spur of the moment decisions, I bought myself a trip to Fiji and joined an improv class. The improv class is something that I have always wanted to do and it is proving to be interesting. I had to stand in front of a room of people last night and I didn't feel nervous at all. Maybe it was because everyone was supportive or because I have grown more confident as a person. I don't know but it felt good to not be riddled with panic. There was a time when I wouldn't have even been able to breath in a situation like that. I wonder if time has changed me or experience or what? The amazing thing with life is that the people we are today can be vastly different from who we once were yet inside, we are still the same. I am enjoying the experience and look forward to Wednesday nights now for the class. On a lower note, this past Saturday, out of nowhere, I became super sick. I was in the shower and it was like a poltergeist kicked me in the gut. I threw up a lot. Gross, I know. To make matters worse, the only things that were on the tv to watch was "Crocodile Dundee: 2" followed by "I am Sam". Now, I love a movie about a mentally challenged person as much as the next guy but did they really need to make a sequel to Crocodile Dundee? I kid, I kid.