Sunday, January 10, 2010

"...and I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life..."

So, I have made it back. It took me a bit longer than expected to make it to Sydney but no complaints. I have focused pretty well on trying to keep to this time zone and I feel acclimated. I will be honest though and say that I have had a nagging feeling about being here. I feel weird. I have been trying to analyze the situation and I think it stems from a lack of sleep and to a situation that happened on my last day at home. I have a relative and she is facing a lot of issues right now. On my last day, I saw her and the path that her life has been on all came into focus for me and I was pretty devastated. She and I were always close and then, at some point, our paths differed. We went in such different directions that there became no commonality. She has gone into a deep hole and I wish she could realize that her life is not defined by past mistakes and that she can correct it. I truly feel like one day my phone will ring and I will hear news that something has gone horribly wrong with her. As thick-skinned as I can try to be, I know I will be crushed. As we discussed her issues, she cried and had a look on her face that I won't forget. It is like the person inside wanted help so badly but the exterior would not let it happen. I don't know how to fix her and I don't know that it is my place to try to do it. I guess that I can hope. Looking at her was like emptiness personified. Nothing was there. She cried and hugged me and I did my best to maintain my composure. It was only a few minutes of time but I tried my hardest to relay to her how badly she needed to get it together. I don't know if she will listen or if she is even capable of hearing what others have to say. I can only hope that she finds the help that she needs.

2 comments:

tagskie said...

hi.. just dropping by here... have a nice day! http://kantahanan.blogspot.com/

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