Saturday, January 23, 2010

"...sometimes I feel like I'm a prisoner, I think I'm trapped here for a while..."

Today is hot in Sydney. Well over 100F/40C in temperature. The Aussie family took me up to Ettalong Beach on the Central Coast and it was a great drive and nice place to see but it was way too hot to enjoy properly. Since coming to Australia, I have had the opportunity to see and do a lot of neat things and I know that the experience that I am having is rare in life. When I was home, my Mom and I were having a chat about how life is pretty boring and mundane unless you actively do something to mix it up. The trick is finding out how to do that. For most of us, at least five days are tied up with work and then we are generally too tired on the weekends to do much of anything exciting. So, how do you find the balance? How do we keep life fresh and new? I am here and seeing amazing things but I work a lot. I am trying to find some sort of balance where I enjoy life but work hard. Looking back to my time in Atlanta, I can't believe that it lasted three years because I was such a drone. I worked, literally, seven days a week. I never even explored the city properly. Life will never be perfect but being in Sydney has taught me that I can never go back to the way things were in Atlanta. I just wonder for all of us though, how can we break that mundane cycle? We all need something to jolt our systems every now and then and reminds us that we are alive. It's important.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

"...and I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life..."

So, I have made it back. It took me a bit longer than expected to make it to Sydney but no complaints. I have focused pretty well on trying to keep to this time zone and I feel acclimated. I will be honest though and say that I have had a nagging feeling about being here. I feel weird. I have been trying to analyze the situation and I think it stems from a lack of sleep and to a situation that happened on my last day at home. I have a relative and she is facing a lot of issues right now. On my last day, I saw her and the path that her life has been on all came into focus for me and I was pretty devastated. She and I were always close and then, at some point, our paths differed. We went in such different directions that there became no commonality. She has gone into a deep hole and I wish she could realize that her life is not defined by past mistakes and that she can correct it. I truly feel like one day my phone will ring and I will hear news that something has gone horribly wrong with her. As thick-skinned as I can try to be, I know I will be crushed. As we discussed her issues, she cried and had a look on her face that I won't forget. It is like the person inside wanted help so badly but the exterior would not let it happen. I don't know how to fix her and I don't know that it is my place to try to do it. I guess that I can hope. Looking at her was like emptiness personified. Nothing was there. She cried and hugged me and I did my best to maintain my composure. It was only a few minutes of time but I tried my hardest to relay to her how badly she needed to get it together. I don't know if she will listen or if she is even capable of hearing what others have to say. I can only hope that she finds the help that she needs.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

"...remember all the things we wanted, now our memories they're haunted, we were always meant to say goodbye..."

Before you have time to be a hater, this dog is the most amazing animal on the planet and he can rock a hoodie like nobody's business. Secondly, I forced my Mom to buy him a hoodie because she was making him wear a sweater. Let the dog have some dignity, I say. Beyond all of that, I head off to Sydney again tomorrow. I am nervous, excited, and anxious. To be honest, I have more anxiety this time than I did last year on this very day when I was going the first time. I think that it is because I am going back to a stable environment, as lame as that may sound. The first time, I knew nothing. I didn't have anyone or anything to help me along and now I do. I am grateful to be going back to a great job, work with awesome people, and be a part of a great organization but for some reason, I am nervous. Completely natural to be this way, I guess. I will be fine once I get this show on the road. I just do not like saying goodbyes. I have had a long visit home but these last few days have flown by. I have felt good being here and enjoyed the comforts. I needed it. Being away teaches you a lot about yourself and I don't feel that I have ever taken anyone for granted but going away and coming back solidifies that sentiment. Never take people for granted. To my family, Mom especially, you know how much I love you and I appreciate all that you do for me. And to all of those who follow this journey with me, thank you so much. I hope you know that I appreciate it.

Friday, January 1, 2010

"...remember when we were such fools and so convinced and just too cool..."

A new decade has dawned. 2009 was a year full of experiences that I never thought possible. In life, we limit ourselves by our fears and insecurities and I did that for so long that I had become numb. So, when I finally decided to stake claim on life and make a bold move, it really did change so much. I am so grateful for the experiences, people, and places that 2009 offered me. For 2010, who knows what is next. I am going back to Australia and will see what life has in store for me. Sometimes, if I think too much about Australia, it confuses me. I never truly thought that I would make it there. I was fixated on living in Australia since I can remember and to have it be a reality is odd. Being back home, it is almost as if the last year didn't exist. It is like I made it up in some random daydream but I actually lived it. If there is one thing that I could wish for those around me, it is for them to take that leap and see what life has in store for them. My life is not perfect, nor will it ever be but now, I will not have to sit around and wonder "what if I had gone to Australia?" because I did. So to everyone out there, I wish you all a safe 2010 and to break free of whatever chains may be holding you back and make your life better!

(Brother Joe, his girlfriend Ashley, Scrap the dog, and Me)

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