Monday, May 11, 2009

"'s a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me, and I'm feeling good..."

In Atlanta, I worked a lot. 2 jobs, 7 days a week. I would work and work and work and always felt like I was doing it for some reason. I would work to the point that I would sacrifice any sort of happiness because it was all about adding another dollar to the pile. So, when I came here, my goal was to change that and to find some semblance of happiness and I did, for a while. However, the job that I took has sucked any joy out of me that remained. I woke up this morning, wavering on what to do. Should I quit? Is that responsible? What about how my boss will feel? I was in a panic and broke out into a rash because I like to outwardly show my inner chaos! And then, like a ton of bricks, it hit me that the only choice was for me to quit, 100%. The decision was made easier when at work today, my boss discussed even more changes and basically, it comes down to me quitting first or being laid off due to the company closing. I like to be in control, so I am done. You know, I am grateful for the job, don't get me wrong but the hardest lesson in all of this is that I let myself fall into my old trap. I self sacrifice. I always take on unnecessary guilt for other people's issues and that is something that I am going to have to get over. So, I am back to being jobless in Australia. Now, don't get me wrong. I will have 850 panic attacks this week but not one of them will happen in that damn office! So, I profess that I am reclaiming the sense of fun that I came here to have and I need anyone that I know to keep me in check and make sure that I do so. This was a big thing for me to do but it had to be done! My Mom asked me what I was going to do tomorrow and I said, "I will wake up and look for a new job." and she told me to "shut up and have fun!" Oh, let's hope I can!


Melanie said...

I'm with your mom, Edmund. Shut up and have fun!! But only if you can afford to do so. My best memories from traveling have to with everything done on the cheap. People are more accommodating because you're more real, etc. Plus, you need to know everything there is to know and see everything there is to see before you leave the Australia/New Zealand area. Do it! Sorry, I'm being so fussy. Been sick lately and getting back on the social wagon. I want everyone to take advantage of every great opp they have before the proverbial rug is pulled out from under their feet. Happens at different times for everyone. Glad I spent my 20s and most of my 30s traveling. A true education for sure. Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!

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