Monday, January 26, 2009

"...and everytime I try to be, what someone has thought of me, so caught up, I wasn't able to achieve..."

I was talking to my Mom this morning and we were talking about how we are just normal, everyday people and it made me recall times in which I have felt intimidated by other people's status in life. It is weird how we devalue ourselves sometimes against people based solely on the superficial. Other people's lot in life can make me so insecure and I don't know why or even how to explain it. If someone acts as if they are better than me, I allow myself to feel as if they are sometimes. Which is normal on some level but wrong completely. I guess I am going through this now because I feel weird as I look for a job and I feel a bit useless. This too shall pass but there is one thing that I do want to point out. A lot of you have written me emails or comments about how you wish you could do something like pack up and move or quit your job that is killing you. The truth of the matter is, you can and should. I am no different than anyone else. I come from a normal life, in a normal place, and I had a normal job and I decided that I wanted to break free. I was trapped by the normalcy of life. In Atlanta, every minute of my day was calculated and planned. I had to save myself and cut it loose. Do not feel as if I am doing something that you can't do. Clear your head, have 37 panic attacks, and then do it. That is what I did. Ok, now on to Australia events. Yesterday, I was invited to a group outing on Bronte Beach that was for Americans who now live in Sydney. It was great. They had salsa music, food, and just good conversation. It was nice to be around people who had decided to jump at the chance to see something different. It was just a little odd for me because they are much more adjusted to life here than I am. I mean, 2 weeks of Aussie life, isn't much! After the beach day and BBQ, I had to take the long train ride home. I can't keep living out here. I am too far away from the city and it is making me crazy. I have to leave events way early just to get home before the train stops running. Moving on to "Australia Day". I was under the impression that this day was some sort of Independence Day but what it represents is the arrival of the "First Fleet". These were the first people to come and colonize Australia. So, kind of closer to Thanksgiving than Independence Day. Either way, I went to the park with my new-found friends from all over the world and then it began to rain. So, I am back here at home instead of watching fireworks but that is ok. It was a good day, nonetheless. My hopes for the coming week are some job interviews and getting some stuff on the move. I have quelled the panic attacks for now but you never know when one may creep up. I just hope that I can get some interviews and maybe prove to people that I am not a moron, which is how I am currently feeling.

(Me and my baby arm celebrating Australia Day!)



(Rock pool @ Bronte Beach)

(This boat was bound and determined to show its' Aussie pride!)

7 comments:

MARCIE said...

For anyone who can't pack up and leave because they have a husband adn 3 dogs...buy a motorcylce and travel the good ole' USofA.

Ava said...

Edmund, The pictures are great and I am glad you are having fun just keep taking in everything you can on this adventure. Love Mom

Canada Lori said...

Great pictures and great times! Take it all one day at a time, you never know what will happen tomorrow. One phone call or e-mail can change everything. Sorry - I don't know any mo-rons! Youa re way better than that!

Tia said...

Deep thoughts by Edmund. :) Your ramblings are very poetic. On the job search, I know it can be frustrating and disheartening. Just try to keep a positive attitude or at least fake it on interviews. Employers like happy people. Plus the happier you act the happier you will feel.

Love, Tia

- Edmund - said...

I don't fake happy well. Ha! You can ask my Mom on any given holiday or birthday. Overwhelming joy isn't my thing. I will try though! You have to fake it to make it as they say!

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